Dear President Obama:  I hope you can get this e-mail on your BlackBerry. I know you are busy — so am I, and I wouldn’t take your time or mine if I didn’t think this wasn’t important. I’m writing this from my house which is in foreclosure. If foreclosure could be made into a tourist attraction, Edgetown could be a popular place for tourists to go.

We moved to Edgetown hoping for a better life. This has not panned out. First, my dad lost his job at the outdoor-carpeting factory. But I guess that was for the best, because the factory was probably causing global warming anyway. And just last week, my mom who works nights as an airport security guard keeping us safe, got caught with a bag of confiscated cosmetics she had been saving to give, she said, to this nearby retirement home.

But looks like they don’t believe her story. Probably because her face glows now like some of those faces you see on the Red Carpet of those award shows. Those products really work! I tried some myself and even I look younger. But what good is it if mom looks five years younger but might have to waste her young looks locked up in jail. By the time she gets sprung, she’ll look about as old as she did before she started using all those confiscated cosmetics.

Anyway, our lawyer, Mr. Pro Bono, said she most likely won’t do jail time, but she could lose her job. And this is the only job my mom has ever really loved. It gave her a lot of self-esteem. Where else could she get a job where she can improve her looks and help fight terrorism at the same time?

By now, you are no doubt saying to yourself, “Get to the point, Edith.” So, OK, my main point has to do with the ‘big lack of money’ problem I see among kids today.

Don’t think I’m asking for a handout; frankly, a handout would be way too small. No, I’m asking for a Big Bank-type bailout that would go to all the kids in this country. We are, after all, a bridge to the future. So, this is one way to invest in our infrastructure.

The way this could work is the government would give kids a weekly or monthly allowance for going to school where we learn to be productive citizens. Bad students who don’t show up or refuse to study could be docked. Good students who do good deeds and study after school could get paid overtime. There would be regulations to make sure the bad, lazy kids could not award bonuses to themselves. 

In fact, maybe along with a teacher’s union, we should organize a student’s union. Right now, students, especially the young ones like me – oh, did I say I am 6 ½? – but people say I’m old for my age. Anyway, young kids have almost no rights. I’m sure your daughters complain about that. On TV, they say you have to do something bold. Well, here’s something bold: Give us pay, now, for all the work we do at school. Don’t wait until we are older and get to be CEOgres.

By the way, a big reason why kids need a bailout is there is almost no way a kid can make decent money. For example, to help out with the bills last year, I had a lemonade stand — which ended up costing me money; plus, I broke my grandmom’s beautiful cut-glass pitcher which everyone keeps saying is irreplaceable. I was just trying to make everything look nice like Martha Stewart would if she had a lemonade stand.