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A Friend Stopped By | 02/05/2009 7:00 am

Life's Work, by Linda Hirshman

By Linda Hirshman
Linda Hirshman/John Hall Photography

Editor’s note: Linda Hirshman is a retired professor of philosophy and the author of Get to Work: A Manifesto for Women of the World and occasional commentator in forums such as The New York Times and the Washington Post. Starting this spring, she will be a political columnist for Double X, the women’s political online magazine.

"The work-life balance is something I think about a lot," Michelle Obama told a convention of female bloggers gathered in Chicago last summer. I do not doubt that the new First Lady — and self-proclaimed "mom-in-chief" — is thinking about something a lot. But I hope it isn’t work on the one hand and life on the other. Because, as much as any other human undertaking, work is a part of life.

I don’t know when women (men, note well, never talk about work being outside of life) started the self-destructive notion that their work was not worthy of being included in the undertaking we call "life." But I do know that language matters. You name it, you own it. When women use language that separates their work from their very existence, their life, they are guaranteeing they will never get what they need from either.

I don’t think it’s overstating to assert that when women talk about work versus life, or balancing work and life, what they mean is private life, or family life. There was a time in history when, for certain middle-class, mostly white women, their families were their whole lives. They did not work in the public sphere, they did not work in the market economy. That time is long past in the United States. For many women, it was never the case.

Why, then, do people use language that is both false and harmful? When did family life expand to fill all of life? Don’t they care about what they do at work? Is work a burdensome load they have to tote because they cannot afford to pay the bills if they do not drag themselves out of their "life" to work every day? Many stay-at-home moms have written books explaining how, if you are willing to give up consumer luxuries like TVs and restaurant meals, women can afford to lay down that weary load and stay in "life." Yet, few do it.

I suspect that is because public or market work is a part of most women’s lives. Women are people (they have this in common with men). Sometimes work allows people to use their capacities — for creativity, problem solving, heroic accomplishment, power, service and, yes, even making lots of money. Even if not lots, enough to be independent and have some measure of security. If these "work/life" women would think about it, they would surely realize that creativity, problem solving, heroism, power, service, independence and security are very important parts of life. Sometimes work sucks, but it allows people to socialize with other adults in orderly and quiet surroundings, and to control their daily agenda in a way that informal family circumstances do not often allow.

36 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

HeatherCariou
My life embraces my husband, my family and friends, my work as a writer, speaker and workshop leader. I can’t separate them out and say “this is work” and “this is life” because I love the work I do so much, my life would be spiritually impoverished without it. At the same time, I agree with you, Linda, that how we language our selves and our lives has a great deal to do with how both we and society view ourselves. I have a friend who calls her life (a 9-5 job and 3 year old twin boys) a “nightmare.” I keep reminding her that if she sees her life as a nightmare, and calls it that, that’s what it will be. Through thought and language, we create our own reality. It’s up to us to create a different one, and that’s not just semantics. As Ghandi said, we must be the change we want to see in the world.
By HeatherCariou on 02/05/2009 9:21 am
joan larsen
Amen, Heather … but how do we make believers out of people? Frustrating as anything!
By joan larsen on 02/05/2009 1:45 pm
LynnePerrella
Heather, I concur. Completely. I have included this quote on the Home Page of my website: “Work and play are the same. When you’re following your energy and doing what you want all the time, the distinctions between work and play dissolve.” - Shakti Gawain. Substitute “LIFE and Work” for “Work and play”. Many people might object to the premise that one can just simply waltz through life “doing what you want all the time” - but, to me, the quote is about acknowledging that Life is a complicated mosaic and we can create the possibility that ALL phases are worthwhile and purposeful. Even the bad patches. I, also, give workshops and my work with other artists is about digging deeper and pulling up our most authentic ideas. Using what we ALREADY have, and being more conscious of the journey, and less obsessed with the destination. As you say…..”create our own reality”, using our own life experiences as the compost……and (most importantly) taking a stand for what is Next. When I am working in my studio, I am feeding my “other” life with my husband, family and friends. As a result of my own explorations, I am able to contribute more to the outside world. I am always taken with how many women think that taking time for themselves to write or draw or keep a journal, is “selfish” and somehow optional. Finding our own lifeforce, and contributing that to the world is one the most important things we can do, to remain emotionally healthy and alive.
By LynnePerrella on 02/06/2009 7:24 am
joan larsen
Let’s first pull the definition of “work”: . Physical or mental effort or activity directed toward the production or accomplishment of something. For most of us then, “work” has been the constant in our entire adult lives. Home or away, most of us have been responsible for making things happen, moving the day along. We have times in life when there is no respite. The demands keep our noses to the grindstone. “Home and family” when done well is very hard work. Hopefully - except on the bad days we all have no matter what - we say in the end that it has all been worth it. Beyond the stretches that home and hearth bring — and they are many and various - we have something called “work” if we are out pursuing our occupation. Early on most of us have had to “take a job” to bring money in. That is work on the basis level - the money is its reward and our sustenance. But later, hopefully, our occupation gives us a sense of joy and pride. Is it “work” if you are doing something that challenges the mind and you love it? Is it “work” if you have an opportunity to hone your skills at conversation with others that hopefully will enrich your world? To rise in the world, it takes diligence and sometimes long hours — but IF you love/like what you are doing, do you begrudge them? Having the people you have met in the wider world helped you - in the most diverse ways possible - widen your life and experiences? I love challenges; I love the sense of feeling of great accomplishment and what it took to get there. I am not falling on the sofa. I am exalting and the highs I feel carry to family - and yes, to friends. The secret - in my case - is loving what you do. Sometimes it takes more education, harder learning curve, to find your niche. But then, the “work” (which is a word I dislike as it seems to equate with something distasteful), become in the larger ball of wax - the other facets of your being - life itself. Life then is a combination of what you dream of, achieve, goals still in progress (and the goals should never end in my estimation), and your own choice of division between all of them in the best of all possible scenarios. The good life is making your choices well, your decisions well, and in the end, being able to say that you feel that you have had a life worth living. I usually add “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world!” Joan
By joan larsen on 02/05/2009 9:34 am
GreenTears
Joan, I love to read your contributions! You know exactly how to put the words and concepts together and send a perfect message - thank you so much for that! I love your definition of work being effort/activity toward production/accomplishment. Too often many just view work as that which gets you a W-2 or 1099 at the end of the year, with everything else not counting for much. I believe that view is short-sighted.
By GreenTears on 02/05/2009 11:25 am
joan larsen
Green Tears … many thanks. I counsel so many on occupations, but this is the most difficult economic time - when people are being let off — to say that each of us over the period of our working years should - with help like I am able to give, along with high enthusiasm that gives me the ability to “make the person have belief in himself and his capabilities” - find the right niche. We each have one - actually more than one. More often than not, we need a push or be given a direction - and how to reach the goal of THE position that is going to make the difference between going to work to get the paycheck only AND finding the particular place in the business world that we are able to bloom and prosper. The total difference at the end of the day is of one going home and sinking in the chair - blah - and the other, the one who has found his niche which I am good at helping with, charged up. And what does that do? It affects the quality of life for him/her and all of those close to that person. This is the best time - if you have been let go — to rethink your dreams and GET additional schooling NOW and not waste time. It lifts the spirits, it stirs the mind, it makes the connections with people who may be the help you need on the final step to another more wonderful working world that is like putting the last piece in that jigsaw puzzle with your name on it. NO ONE is telling the laid off people that you can make use of the hard times by doing this. It makes me feel like I should be on a national podium saying just that. Enough.
By joan larsen on 02/05/2009 1:43 pm
LynnePerrella
Joan, your message struck two chords. First, is the story of my husband, John. He had a Mid-life Blossoming, following a horrific car accident that should have taken his life. His five days spent in a local hospital inspired him to go back to school and become…..a NURSE! Wow. We had shared a graphic design business for years, but he was ready for what was NEXT….and we believe the Universe provided the answer with the car accident. As he puts it “I couldn’t postpone my dreams any longer…..it was time.” He works with hospice patients, as well as dementia patients in a nearby senior facility. Jobs in health care are plentiful, and will continue to be —- But, the real story here is someone in later life finding their true calling, their True North passion. I was also reminded of a career expert I heard on NPR. Her dual specialty is working with newly-graduated college students, as well as over-fifty career veterans. This is what struck me, and became the “take-away” of her comments: She talked about what inevitably happens when someone enters an occupation field with a “Poverty of Purpose”. She talked about how frequently she met with men who had gone into high-paying professions, thinking that the financial reward would be enough to keep them satisfied for a lifetime. Now, they were bottomed-out, burnt-out, emotionally starved to do something “meaningful”, and (worst of all) boxxed in by their financial baggage, presumably unable to change courses. To me, this seemed like a Cautionary Tale to anyone who is setting aside a true passion to postpone a dream. As you say, “This is the best time……”. In fact, it ALWAYS is.
By LynnePerrella on 02/06/2009 7:43 am
DianaT
Thank you, Joan, for your inspirational writing. Have you ever put your thoughts in a book? If not, you should. I find that I love getting my “Joan fix” often because you are always reminding us that the cup is half full…..no matter what.
By DianaT on 02/07/2009 7:11 pm
joan larsen
Thanks, Diana — and my own experiences guide me in my writing. I find that we realize we have learned by life’s experiences — and then it is up to us if we make what we have learned work for us. I am sure you - such a positive person - feel the same. You had the tragedy of your husband’s sudden death — and if you didn’t realize it before, it brings to the fore that we just don’t know what tomorrow will bring so we better make the most of each day. But until we have lived thru trauma as you have, we can be empathetic to others going thru the worst. But until we too have been in the same boat, we can we truly be there for another - knowing what to say, what to do, what will help, and so much more. We make adversity work for us in helping to heal others. Or so I feel - and do. As for a book - yes, I would like that. But I do tend to get off the track. I have one coming out with John Wasik on the greening of America, and two that I am in out now with Senator’s Amy’s father. I think the latest is held up because this economic crash has taken our minds off greening and on to surviving. Nine months ago we would not have guessed. And we have to roll with life’s turns. . .
By joan larsen on 02/07/2009 10:21 pm
PatriceBaldwin
I’ve walked the fine line between work, family and travel many various times in my life. Sometimes I stumbled on the fine line, but held on to the point of view that I made a conscious decision to do it all the best I could. Of course I came from an era when we were programmed to go to college, work (maybe), get married and have children. Now, my daughter has a career, has been married three times and doesn’t want kids… and it’s OK. Depends upon your basic life plan, but it’s ALL life… and an interesting one, I must say.
By PatriceBaldwin on 02/05/2009 3:14 pm
MsDee1
Well, now. This is a sobering consideration for me at this particular point in my life. I was lucky enough to be able to read Winnie-the-Pooh stories to grand-daughter the past few nights, but considering my “life’s work” makes me feel like a bear of Very Little Brain. I must do something. The question is, what’s to be done?
By MsDee1 on 02/05/2009 6:20 pm
GreenTears
Having such an introspective thought would indeed indicate that you are a Bear of Quite a lot of Brain, Ms. Dee. Look through your granddaughter’s eyes and see yourself - wonderful Grandma who takes the time to cuddle up and read such great literary work in loving and soothing voice. Creating such a great shared moment for the two of you - now consider how many moments you have created for so many others through the years.
By GreenTears on 02/05/2009 8:24 pm
MsDee1
Oh, my. What a very Kind and Consoling thing for you to say, Green Tears. But A.A. Milne aside, I must discover some Productive Enterprise of Yield to insure the ongoing opportunity to create such moments. I plan to live long enough to read to my grand-daughter’s children, so it bears serious thought. You never can tell.
By MsDee1 on 02/05/2009 8:46 pm
SandbeeFB54
Unfortunately we don’t all get to do what we love to support ourselves, some of us have to labor at jobs that just bring in income. That is work. Life is the rest of the time.
By SandbeeFB54 on 02/05/2009 6:41 pm
DeBrcaobj
Great idea NP By Sandbee (FB) 54 on 02/05/2009 1:42 pm” I’m with you… let’s boycott all the Palin threads (that’s why I am posting this in here), at best they’ll stop running them, at LEAST the Palin lovers will get bored and leave!
By DeBrcaobj on 02/05/2009 9:33 pm