"Men are beasts. And even beasts don’t behave as they do!”

That was sex kitten Brigitte Bardot, shortly before she retired from films, and more or less retired from men. For many years Bardot has preferred “beasts,” becoming an avid and often controversial animal activist.

She’s also become somewhat intolerant of the human race in general, and Muslims in particular. She has been cited, fined and sued over some remarks. (It’s best to remember BB in her bikinied, tousle-haired, heyday — the uninhibited symbol of modern female sexuality — taking lovers with the same casual attitude of, well, those beasts — men.)

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Speaking of men, GQ magazine has put out its 13th annual "Men of the Year" issue. 

As is standard in the troubled magazine world now, one cover is simply not enough. GQ has four top men on four separate covers. 

Click here to see GQ’s four different Men of the Year covers.

The No. 1 cover is our 44th president, Barack Obama, looking very happy and wearing a nifty periwinkle blue tie. I think it is the same tie he wore to meet with George W. Bush recently, when the outgoing commander in chief welcomed Obama to the White House. Bush wore a tie of the exact same hue.

Now, I’m certain the GQ editors had an equally attractive picture of John McCain ready had McCain won the election. (Yes, that’s my tongue you see poking through my cheek.)

Next up is the divine Jon Hamm, everybody’s favorite 1950s ad exec from TV’s big hit, “Mad Men.” He is dressed in a black suit, looking very Don Draper (his “Mad Men” character.) But GQ says that Hamm appears “a full decade younger” in person and out of the confines of a suit.

Then we have former teen heartthrob-turned-serious-actor-and-environmentalist Leonardo DiCaprio. (Actually, Leo was always a “serious” actor, Oscar-nominated for “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?” at the start of his career. But then he had to survive the dangerous adulation wave that followed “Titanic.”) Leo is not wearing a jacket, but he is wearing a tie, fastened with a smart tie clip. That is an accessory you don’t see much these days. Maybe Leo is a “Mad Men” fan?

The fourth and final cover is Olympic wonder boy Michael Phelps. He is not wearing a suit. He is not wearing a tie. He’s not wearing much at all, not even his eight gold medals. Well, why hide that six-pack? We know he won the gold. Maybe they’re stashed in his stylish hoodie? (Inside the issue, there’s a photo of Phelps turning down the top of his brief Speedo, to show off the Olympic-themed tattoo on his hip.)

GQ also has 25 “Men of the Year” honorees, ranging from Sen. Ted Kennedy (“Legend of the Year”), James Franco (“Screen Idol of the Year”), Thom Browne (“Designer of the Year”), General David Petraeus (“Leader of the Year), actress Megan Fox (“Obsession of the Year” — she, too is photographed pulling down her swimsuit bottom) and Sean Penn, who is soon to be seen onscreen playing the slain gay activist Harvey Milk, in Gus Van Sant’s much-anticipated movie. GQ calls the famously macho Penn “Drama Queen of the Year.” 

We are sure Penn was as amused as … Queen Victoria!

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Oh, yes, the men’s magazine also just named its “Sexiest Women of All Time.” Tops on the list? Jacqueline Bisset, of “The Deep’s” wet T-shirt fame. Watch for my interview with Miss Bisset on Friday.

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Screenwriter Diablo Cody, fresh off her Oscar win for "Juno," has created a new TV series for Showtime. It’s called “United States of Tara,” and stars the great Toni Collette as a woman with  dissociative identity disorder — multiple personalities. John Corbett of “Sex and the City” fame, plays her husband. Diablo shares exec-producing duties on this with Steven Spielberg.

“United States of Tara” debuts on January 18 and the advance critical buzz is already tremendous. Showtime expects another groundbreaking hit, in the vein of “Dexter” and “The Tudors.” Showtime is no longer the poor man’s HBO. The network has evolved into a unique entity that often dares to go where others won’t — “Queer as Folk,” “The L Word.”

The Showtime folks are also expecting kudos for “Nurse Jackie” starring Edie Falco as a brilliant but drug-addicted nurse. It’s a very dark comedy. (The female version of Hugh Laurie’s “House”?)