“There is something about a national convention that makes it as fascinating as a revival or a hanging. It is vulgar, it is ugly, it is stupid, it is tedious, it is hard upon both the higher cerebral centers and the gluteus maximus, and yet it is somehow charming.”

This was said by the critic H. L. Mencken who died several decades ago. But he was right then and right now.

I enjoyed the hell out of the Democrats’ get-together and once it got started, I liked a lot about the Republican Convention on Wednesday night, even though I could take or leave Mitt Romney who seemed to just be auditioning once again for himself to be president. (I don’t think we can get rid of this guy.)

You might be surprised, but I was absolutely blown away by the speeches of both Mike Huckabee and Rudy Giuliani – yes, and when the governor of Alaska finally presented herself to the American people, I couldn’t rip my eyes off of her either. (She is easily one of the most fascinating public characters in all of American politics, past and present.)

Huckabee scored as his always-irresistible self with good humor and a manner that makes you like him no matter what he is saying. His ending anecdote about the school teacher who refused to give her new students desks, making them sit on the floor and guess what they had to do to “earn” them, was just priceless. (The desks were then brought in by veterans still in uniform and the children were told that the desks had been “earned” for them by the actions and valor of these men.) It was heartwarming and super patriotic.

And though I never cared much for Guiliani in his mayor of New York days, socially he is a knockout – brilliant at public speaking without a note, great on his feet, charming, funny, witty, intelligent. He is a great dinner companion, although I could have done without his inevitable evocation of 9/11. Most of his speech extolling John McCain’s considerable virtues and citing Barack Obamas’s weaknesses seemed very effective to me.

I found Gov. Palin a little unnerving in her self-possession, her poise, her certainty and her indelible toughness. This shows through her attractive demeanor and rightly so. It is obviously the way she is – hot, young, dynamic wife and mother, a self-satisfied probably deserving governor who has accomplished a lot, huge attractive family (they are off-limits for the press to criticize but nevertheless the GOP is using them for PR like crazy), a newly adopted anti-Washington, blame-the-media stance. She almost makes the fact that she is a woman and possibly going to be a “first” a non-issue. In her case, being female hardly matters.

Barring some future-revealed “negative,” she certainly seems to be the galvanizer John McCain needed. Perhaps she will help redefine the Republican Party. She certainly helped the GOP bring itself together Wednesday night in rare form. I always believed that eventually even the deep-dyed right would rally behind McCain. I am not surprised that now the radical conservatives and the wild maverick contingents have all come together. They have no choice.

Nevertheless, having enjoyed the GOP in action using the democratic process and admiring John McCain in spite of everything, I have to personally say I could never vote for people who would:

1. Make the Supreme Court go ultra-right and conservative for two decades.
2. Have no plan for universal health care.
3. Have no stated realistic ideas that I can discern for economic recovery beyond tax breaks for the rich.
4. Want to deny women the right to choose.
5. Seem to be actually advocating, encouraging and applauding teen pregnancy.
6. Don’t believe in science and evolution.
7. Insist on bringing God into our misadventure in Iraq. And want to insist on that chimera, “victory.” 
8. Deny global warming.
9. Have a significantly flawed and reluctant energy program.    

And, yes, I can bear to be taxed for the good of the nation. Yes, I can. And while I agree with the Republicans that HOPE isn’t a program, I’m still going to have to vote for hope, given the list above. So, sue me. 

P.S. Once and for all, couldn’t we retire “God bless you and God bless America”? There must be some other benediction, or original way to sign off.  

Click here to read my column in the New York Post.