“I am appalled that the Nobel Prize committee refuses to acknowledge great American writers. They gave their Economics prize to Paul Krugman of The New York Times, but they should have awarded Philip Roth their literature prize. Of course, they would never give it to me, and they never gave it to Norman Mailer because they considered him to have had trench-mouth, and they will never give it to Gore Vidal because they regard him as having herpes!”

And that, gentle reader, is non-Nobel-Prize-winner Gay Talese, on a tear at the recent World Monuments Fund gala at the Plaza, in NYC. 

What sparked this outburst? Why, just a simple question from Manhattan writer and man-about-town Gregory Speck. Speck asked Gay his opinion about the contemporary literary scene. 

Mr. Speck, to his credit, followed up with, “Mr. Talese, are you sure you want to go on the record with that exact wording?” Gay assured him he didn’t care. (Talese defined the edgier, more colorful, candid and personal “New Journalism” that began to flourish in the 1960s. His Esquire profiles on Frank Sinatra and Joe DiMaggio remain as masterpieces of the genre.)

Not that our old friend Gregory Speck is much-surprised by the famous in their more candid moments. Speck cut his teeth interviewing such as Katharine Hepburn, Ava Gardner, George C. Scott, Audrey Hepburn, Carroll Baker, James Stewart, Helen Hayes, Joan Fontaine, Olivia de Havilland (not together, of course! Fontaine and de Havilland long ago moved from sibling rivalry to simply not speaking to one another.) Speck also profiled Gina Lollobrigida, Jack Lemmon and braved those sometimes terrifying ladies, Lauren Bacall and the late Bette Davis. 

Indeed, Speck’s interview with Bette in 1988 was her last “official” sit-down (arranged through the kind auspices of another now-gone icon, Gregory Peck). It has never been printed. Bette died a few months later in France where, typically, she had traveled to accept an award — nothing slowed her down. Not her strokes, or her mastectomy, and not her daughter’s betrayal. She was valiant, ego-driven and looking for an argument right to the end. Mr. Speck still hopes to publish his glimpse of Bette in twilight.

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Here is another astounding quote, from Christopher Ciccone, embittered brother of Madonna: “I will not be commenting on her divorce as that is a private matter between her and Guy Ritchie and I would consider any commentary on my part dishonorable and disrespectful. I have expressed my heartfelt sadness to her and her family and offered my support should she need it.” 

Can you believe this load of hypocritical crapola?! He wrote a very unpleasant book about his sister, a whiny memoir, in which we received the shocking news that Madonna is … self-absorbed and ambitious. Also — and so much more to the point — she didn’t give him enough money. Don’t hold your breath waiting for that call, Christopher. Royalties from your book will be your only connection with Madonna from now on.

Oh, one more thing. In his book, Christopher asserted that Guy Ritchie was homophobic, and that was a cause of stress in the Ritchie marriage. I thought this was an absurd charge, considering how many gay friends and associates Madonna has — and Guy as well. He is, after all, in the movie business. If you go see Guy’s wickedly entertaining “RocknRolla” movie, you’ll find an amusing and sympathetic gay subplot involving one of the film’s London gangsters. It is not the characterization of a homophobe. He might have some other problems — lacking the “sensitivity chip” as Jennifer Aniston famously said of Brad Pitt, but I think Guy was just Christopher-phobic.

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P.S. Speaking of Jennifer Aniston, everybody’s asking, ‘Why did get she get back together with singer John Mayer, who is a player and a hound dog to be sure?’ Simple. S-E-X. They are very compatible and his prowess is legendary. She does have that glow again.