Dona, I want you to envision this scenario.

You are having an argument with a man. Your words are getting heated. He raises his voice, you raise yours. You shout and scream at the top of your lungs, he does so in return. Your face turns red with anger and you slap him as hard as you can. He does nothing. You continue to scream and now you punch him in the face. He does nothing. You begin to pummel him against his head, over and over as you scream and yell…..and he does nothing.

This happens every single day. You may not believe it, but it does. Now picture the same scenario Dona, you hit, slapped and beat a man and after allowing you to pummel him for a matter of minutes he slaps you upside your head.

To use your line of thought and theory it is HEwho is in the wrong because a man should never hit a woman.  As I have said I know women who do this, women like Rhianna who are combative, loud yet captivating beautiful women. Women who routinely treat men like punching bags with the realization they are women (and beautiful women) so "you can’t hit me back". You can be disappointed in me all you want on this one Dona, but unlike many opinions that I hold that change as I age; this is one where I changed from the way you now think to where I think now.

We are not talking about men who are abusers, those who "get off" on abusing women in their lives. I am one of a handful of people in the entire world that doubts Chris Brown out of the blue began beating her. I tend to believe the version of the story of what happened in that she started the fight and he got the better of it.

IF (and none of us really knows for sure) IF she did indeed hit him first, if I were his mother I would have been disappointed if he didn’t strike her back. I disagree with you, maybe it was different for me when I was growing up, but I remember many little girls and boys fighting on playgrounds. And I also remember it was always the boy that got chastised for it, regardless of who started the fight.

In a perfect world I would love to know my beautiful nieces and nephews will never have to endure being hit by someone that they love, date or a mere stranger. But I will say as strongly as I can in this post to get my point across, THEY SHOULD NEVER allow themselves to be used as a punching bag, and I don’t care if we are discussing my nephew or niece. They should ALWAYS strike back.

And P.S. That example I used of a 300 pound man vs. a 90 pound woman is real.  And it is because of the difference in their weight and height that my associate Heidi thought she could punch and slap Ben on a regular basis. For months and months he put up with it until one night in public she gave him a black eye, while on an outside deck of a restaurant. When he slapped her, the police were called and he was taken to jail.  Yet it was Heidi who was pummeling him for upwards of 5 minutes and doing some serious damage on his face.

They are still together to this day.  

As for you being appalled by my opinion on this topic and your statement of finding any of my future posts suspect, there is a simple solution to that….just don’t read them.

Belinda…I am very sadened to read your words above.  To think that if your neice, once grown, found a text message on her man’s phone, screamed at him, he tried to push her out of the car, she couldnt get out b/c her seatbelt was still on, and then he proceeded to beat the crap out of her, you would say she deserved it.

We may never know what really happened in that car but even if Rhianna screamed her head off to him that gives no one, man or woman, a right to throw a punch.  Bigger people, walk away.  I truly hope if your young neice, the apple of your heart, comes to you one day with bruises you dont cheer for the man or women who put them there.

If you sincerely believe that there is ever an excuse for anyone to hit anyone, then I truly feel sorry for you. You must lead a very dreary life if that’s all you expect from people. Rhianna was a victim of abuse as surely as if some stranger grabbed her on the street and beat her with a stick. Her choice now is whether she wants to be a victim for the rest of her life, too.

 From the ages of about six to nineteen, my father regularly beat me bloody. He was fairly careful not to leave bruises that were visible, but he still managed to break my nose twice, crack all of my ribs, cause green-stick fractures on all of my fingers and break most of my toes, among many, many other injuries. None of them were ever bad enough to rate a trip to the emergency room. He never got physical with anyone else in the family but me, and he made sure that everyone I told (including a priest and two school counselors) "knew" I was a liar. There was always an excuse, of course.  Sort of like the excuses you’re making for spouse abusers now.

 I’m sure you would have liked my father a lot. He was very charming, and he never hit me without some cracked "reason" that people chose to believe rather than face the truth. You display his logic - the logic of an abuser.