“The famous charms are in evidence, not a little on the fleshy side – diet anyone?” … "This movie cements the fact that the actress is in need of a good girdle” … "She has been slimmer and trimmer previously."

The above quotes are a random sampling of critical reviews of Marilyn Monroe’s later films. Her zaftig shape sparked a lot of negative comment. She and her brunette counterpart Elizabeth Taylor were not “allowed” to be plump, because size standards were different back then. This is a myth. Both were savaged for their overabundant curves. Monroe whittled herself back down to her calendar girl shape in the year before her death – she’d had enough criticism. (MM’s untrammeled tummy was a particular offense to a lot of women. Men, however, loved it.)

Miss Taylor continued the battle, often losing.

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I refer to these classic waistlines to remind you all that times have not changed. A few extra pounds were a crime in the 1950s and seem to be a crime today. Look at what is happening to poor Jessica Simpson! 

The singer has a shape that looks no different – and quite a bit better, really – than the average American woman. She’s put on a few, but is hardly ready for a carnival act.  Not that you’d know it from the headlines: “The Fat Lady Sings!” Geez! Jessica might consider a stylist, to present her new landscape more discreetly, but how she dresses is as much her business as how much she weighs.  

Both Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers are said to be eyeing Jessica’s figure with interest.

Still, Jessica’s burgeoning bod doesn’t seem to bother Disney. They are still hot to develop a series for the blonde beauty. The latest idea is an updated version of “Barefoot in the Park,” a play, which was made into a hit movie starring Jane Fonda and Robert Redford. Jessica would be the kooky, adventurous wife married to a stuffy lawyer. (This was, more or less, the premise of “Dharma and Greg,” which ran for a few seasons. Are there any new ideas? Not really.)

Whatever develops – in her career or in her jeans – just leave the girl alone with her perfectly normal, still attractive, body.

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Speaking of Disney, that studio’s latest teen queen just can’t stop making news, or taking controversial pictures. 

The other day a sweet item arrived on my desk about how the “Hannah Montana” star still prefers to ride her bicycle – despite owning two cars – because she is determined to do her part for the environment. Nice.

This morning I sit down at the computer and find Miley plastered all over the place, accused of posing for “racist and demeaning” photos with friends. She and a bunch of pals were fooling around and took a group picture where they all pulled their eyes back, Asian-style. Of course it was posted somewhere, and for sure Miley will, any minute, be explaining herself and apologizing yet again. (Remember how she regretted her bare shoulders in Vanity Fair, once people complained that she was too young to … bare a shoulder?)

Don’t these kids, steeped in the world of Internet, MySpace and FaceBook, have any grasp that nothing is private? Of course this assumes they care or know what privacy and self-control are. The Web and reality TV have spawned a generation of witless exhibitionists. Miss Cyrus seems as anxious to shed her Disney restrictions as was Lindsay Lohan. Luckily, Miley didn’t develop quite so abundantly. Lindsay’s prematurely mature body fast-tracked her right out of her Mouse Ears.