“With five planets in Aquarius she’s an insult to the wonderful sign and brings to mind the astrological joke about Aquarius: ‘Loves humanity, just can’t stand the people.’”

That’s astrologist Shelley Ackerman, weighing in on — who else? — Sarah Palin, the lightning rod of the Republican party. 

Ackerman continues: “With Neptune, planet of fantasy and illusion, all over her chart for the next 12 months, the masses are mesmerized by her, and blinded to who she really is.” 

Well, whoever she is, she has ascended faster than anybody in politics, ever. Helped along by brilliant Republican strategy — “How dare you ask her questions, you bunch of sexist elites; she’s a, a … mom!” (Do yourself a favor and read Anna Quindlen in the current Newsweek on the suddenly woman-friendly Republican Party.)

I eagerly await Palin’s sit-down with Charlie Gibson — he promised to be respectful and “deferential” — and the debate with Joe Biden, who won’t be. Democrats are worried, and they have reason. Somebody better light a fire under Barack Obama. 

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The blinding, cruelly ironic P.S. to the above is Hillary Clinton. I watched Sen. Clinton, grim and determined, stumping for Obama in Florida the other day. She was barely beaten by Obama, was not chosen as his running mate, was expected — practically under the threat of career ruin — to enthusiastically rally the Democratic convention and convince her base she that was with Obama all the way. She did that brilliantly. And her husband, the former president, was even more compelling. Then along came Sarah Palin, and now, now Obama really, really needs Hillary.

I wouldn’t want to be a fly on the wall of the Clinton home, or live inside Hillary’s head these days. Especially, as it is clear that the Republicans are not backing Palin as McCain’s veep, but as McCain’s inevitable successor — stepping in, if he cannot finish his term, or running in 2012 for the top spot.

This is a bitter pill. And I don’t blame Sen. Clinton for resisting direct and personal attacks on Palin. For one thing, continued Democratic focus on Palin simply makes her more important. Second, the media would turn it into an undignified catfight between two “tough” women. 

It’s up to Sen. Obama to win his own election. Palin isn’t attracting “Hillary’s women.” She’s out for the hard, religious, conservative right. 

How different things would be had Obama — minutes after Hillary finally conceded the race — picked up the phone and said, “Great speech, great campaign, how about being the veep?”

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“There are no second acts in American lives,” F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote that back in the ’20s. But second acts do exist! They flower constantly — we are a forgiving nation. And that was emphasized by Britney Spears on Sunday night’s MTV Video Music Awards.

Last year, she opened the VMA show in a bad outfit and a bad hair weave, which was the unfortunate result of her traumatic self-mutilation — shaving her head bald. She performed in a sluggish, under-rehearsed manner. Critics said she was finished. Indeed it seemed the nadir of her brief, once-dazzling pop-princess career.

But what a difference 12 months can make. On Sunday, Britney stepped briskly onstage to accept a couple of awards. She was well-dressed, well-coiffed. (Much has been made of her weight loss. But she’s not appreciably thinner than last year — she’s a sturdy, strong-limbed girl. She simply allowed herself to be flatteringly styled.) Spears spoke prettily and briefly. She seemed totally coherent. OK, she mispronounced “anniversary” when talking about MTV’s 25th year. Probably nerves. Nobody ever said she was a Rhodes Scholar anyway.

So it seems somebody, somewhere got this girl the help she needed. Or maybe Britney herself stepped up to the plate? Losing custody of her two children to the likes of Kevin Federline must have shaken her out of self-destructive lethargy and angry acting-out. 

Industry and media types call it a “comeback” and are hotly predicting a return to touring. Let’s hope not! I think that grind is just way too tough right now. She needs to stay focused, stay put, stay near her children. Leave the touring to Madonna, who is made of titanium. (And if we are to believe some rumors about Madonna’s concert ticket sales, even titanium can show wear and tear.)

Britney should get herself a cushy little TV series. She has already been a pop star. Her second act could be entirely different.

I noticed that a lot of the cable news covering Britney’s good night couldn’t help being snarky and dismissive. Why? Good news is boring. And the media prefers a train wreck. Britney, honey, don’t jump the tracks for us.