I must be a dying breed. I’d like to fall in love again before I die. Of course, I’m crazy about two women right now, both married! But I’m cool with friendships with them. Well, one is a dear friend, and that does my heart good. The other doesn’t know me, other than on here.

Is ‘hooking up’ the new description of dating for sex only? Well, it has, at times, cured me from boredom. If it’s with a friend, then nothing is expected… I don’t wash sox. If it’s a new guy, then we’ll see if he’s fun to be with after sex. I still don’t wash sox. I really don’t want to live with anyone else. But I really would like to fall in love again… or a few times before I’m done.

I agree with you whole heartedly love goddess. I have children in their twenties. the oldest being 26. two girls and two boys. I was also single for eleven years as a single parent. i’ve seen all sides of the “hooking up” issue. It is without a doubt incredibly damaging to the young women. Young women who have yet to gain their own financial and emotional power are the ones paying the price for this particular social phenomenon. The bottom line is… most young women are still using their bodies in hopes of being loved. in hopes that they are “special” that this is more than just a hook up. they want ot be the one in this generation just like the women of every generation have spread their legs thinking “he will love me in the morning”.

“And if love never lasts forever, tell me what’s forever for?” Who sang that?

Hooking up is the fast food version of sex: kills the cravings, but leaves alot to be desired, often gives a case of indigestion for the woman. We’ve trained out children in 5 star dating - and so far it has been successful. They’ve had training since early childhood that marriage and a successful home life will most likely bring them happiness, and they see this evidenced in our own home. They are allowed to attend church dances at 14, and begin dating in a group at 16. At 18 they are allowed to date one on one. (These are church guidelines, printed in a booklet, For the Strength of Youth, that all our fellow church members support.) They are usually in some type of public or chaperoned situation. The goal is to get them to appreciate the individual for their personalities and interests and not just the lowest common denominator of sexual attraction. We have the expectation that they will remain chaste before marriage -both men and women - and we have the social support network that helps them achieve that goal. Not only is it possible, but it allows the couple to develop skills of self-control and discipline before marriage that then carry over into the marital relationship when temptations arise in dealing with extra-marital attraction. Making sacrifices for love is a time honored tradition. We also encourage marriage as a priority - not secondary to college graduation, or home ownership. My university has the highest percentage of married students in the country - 25%. I was married two years before I graduated college and my daughter was married a year before she graduated. Children are groomed from a young age to view marriage as positive and desireable. Kay Hymowitz wrote an excellent article in City-Journal, “Love in the Age of Darwinism,” that highlights just how distressing and toxic the dating scene has become for men and women. http://www.city-journal.org/2008/18_4_darwinist_dating.html “A report from the chaotic postfeminist dating scene, where only the strong survive” “By the time men reach their twenties, they have years of experience with women as equal competitors in school, on soccer fields, and even in bed. Small wonder if they initially assume that the women they meet are after the same things they are: financial independence, career success, toned triceps, and sex. “But then, when an SYM walks into a bar and sees an attractive woman, it turns out to be nothing like that. The woman may be hoping for a hookup, but she may also be looking for a husband, a co-parent, a sperm donor, a relationship, a threesome, or a temporary place to live. She may want one thing in November and another by Christmas. “I’ve gone through phases in my life where I bounce between serial monogamy, Very Serious Relationships and extremely casual sex,” writes Megan Carpentier on Jezebel, a popular website for young women. “I’ve slept next to guys on the first date, had sex on the first date, allowed no more than a cheek kiss, dispensed with the date-concept altogether after kissing the guy on the way to his car, fucked a couple of close friends and, more rarely, slept with a guy I didn’t care if I ever saw again.” Okay, wonders the ordinary guy with only middling psychic powers, which is it tonight? “In fact, young men face a bewildering multiplicity of female expectations and desire.”

Well put Bella! The link is quite interesting, but really there are not so many surprises here are there? Propagation of the species falls to the male,SELECTION of the same goes to she! there is more gender confusion than ever realised or acknowledge! Natural existence has morphed and there is economic parady like never before! POWER can be confusing. to those who wield it and to those who endure it. Perhaps today we’re just waiting to see who has the power and whats the next move! As for me , I receently read the auto bio of Katherine Millett! WOW!!! no doubt there was some risky behavior, but I forwarded it to my oldest daughter. Not to encourage her to practice such libertine excesses, but to open her eyes to her own self , and hopefully some insights into communication about sexuality! The hardest part is the communication!

Drudgery for the young’ins eh? Since when has that been any different—there are still “meat markets’ out there in the hinterland that cater to these people and the young ones I see seem to have no trouble getting hooked up. BTW about the only thing that kills sex is definitely NOT hooking up. It’s boredom. :-)

Oh my Lord is this article true or what? I often feel like I am mentally stuck in the 1940’s as it relates to my attitude about love, sex and dating. Unlike most women, I can be graphic in terms of sex and can discuss things without blushing. But love, romance and courtship are for me a must. However I am surrounded in my life by truly intelligent, beautiful and successful women who have fallen into this misguided notion that “they” are the ones with all the control, because they hook up with men (they could care less for) to have casual sex with. They feel great pride in the ability to by day dominate in the boardroom and by night, likewise take control in the bedroom. This article speaks to all my concerns about women of today. What are we teaching our young ladies? It’s almost as if AIDS is now a causal concern along the lines of catching the flu or a cold. Where is the degree of discretion that permeated our conscious when AIDS first came on the scene? And forgive me for sounding dated and old, but when you are promiscuous, having sex with anything that has a penis, how are you any different than a common dog that does the same? They don’t concern themselves with bonding with “Fifi” it only matters that she is hot and in heat. It’s so sad to know so many young women who think they are exercising their sexual freedom, decades from now will most likely look back on this chapter of their lives and regret that instead of being able to count their lovers on one maybe two hands, will instead need a calculator!

I agree with you Belinda.

Isn’t this what they used to call one-night stands? I never had one—I always had long-term relationships. I had a girlfriend from college who did one-night stands exclusively and talked about them in detail, out of insecurity, I guess. I tried not to judge. She would always hit on my boyfriends and they told me about it because she was “untouchable” to them, out of respect to me. (The first time she tried this was with my ex; he and I had been together for 12 years. After that ended I introduced her to guys I was dating out of politeness. She always wanted to go on our dates with us—I look back now and see how strange that was.) The last time she hit on my guy was when I first met D. (Now fourteen years and going strong.) I discussed her problems with boundaries with her and when she vehemently protested, I said goodbye. I hope she has finally found someone she can be with for more than a week. I have never understood this way of thinking. People are not disposable. I know I disposed of my “friend”—but she had been intruding for decades—and I just couldn’t take her taking my relationships so un-seriously for a second longer. I don’t share.