Editor’s Note: Who is the wisest of them all? Who is more dedicated to your pleasure than anyone on earth? Who can help you when you’re going online for the first time to find love; or when your lover’s children hate you; or when you want to strangle your husband? Why, the Love Goddess, of course. She promises nothing less than celestial wisdom, heavenly sex, divine dating. Read on …

So you’re dating a man who divorced his wife. Or whose wife died. Or maybe you’re even married to this man who divorced his wife or whose wife died. It’s the third Christmas together now and his grown children, who sided with the divorced wife (or with the now-sainted late wife to whom they still feel he should remain forever faithful) are resentful. Oh, he says they have "worked through" their anger at him, and that you have little to do with it all, but guess what? It’s you they hate and to whom they’re still unfailingly rude. 
     
It’s no use greeting them with a polite reminder that the statute of limitations for anger over their mother being gone is long over. It’s fruitless to say, "Hey, I never MET your mother, kids, so give me a break," because they don’t care that you never met her, nor do they want to give you a break. 
   
"So Love Goddess," you say, "I know it’s the holidays, and I love the notion of family fun, but do I have to look over the turkey and greet their nasty faces with good cheer?"
     
No, my well-meaning, generous-hearted earthly darlings, you don’t.
     
You do have to be a grown-up. You do have to be civil, polite and respectful. But if your stomach churns in protest at their pointed disinterest, and you find yourself with the unholy urge to upend the Christmas tree, here’s what to do instead.
   
1. Resolve early – like, now – not to fall into the role of the overly compliant "mom" even if your boyfriend/husband implicitly wants you to. Don’t bring darling, cozy, personal gifts but rather, generic ones fit for people you like but don’t love. A wine cooler. A panini maker. (Although one young teenager said to a friend of mine, "We HAVE a panini maker, thanks." My friend said, "OK, great! I’ll keep it!" Let your boyfriend handle personal gifts if he wants to give them; and let him sign the card without your name – even though you’ll get a pang because of your desire for the family thing. But you’re not his family, so try it. 
   
2. If possible, get yourself there separately – so you can leave separately. You promised to call your dear friend in China and must do so soon after dinner! You vowed to have Christmas Grog with your ailing neighbor! Anything to give you a way out if you need one.
     
3. Do not tell your lover any of the above unless you KNOW he understands. He wants to believe such machinations are not necessary and will accuse you of  overreacting – leaving you in the same outsider position that makes you want to leave in the first place. Tell him sweetly that you want him to be with his kids and nephews and grandkids … just be gracious and get yourself free.