All I can say is, Marlo, your marriage to Phil somewhat mirrors the relationship I had with Jude, before she died. A true love. Hopefully, I’m even one-half as sensitive and caring as Phil, a brilliant, decent, charming guy. There is a clear dichotomy amongst men. There is the type that is so driven by sex that they’re not aware of how powerful true love is. They’re not sensitive. I have a long-time friend who is a super-looking guy, good at heart in most respects, who does nothing but chase skirts constantly. His only marriage failed, and he admitted to me he that he’s never been in love. He can’t see that love is more powerful and long-lasting. Then, there is the other type of guy like me. I was fortunate to know how great a true, loving relationship is. I know that Jude was designed for me by God, so close was her soul to mine; we fit like a glove. I sense that with you and Phil: a couple hand-crafted by God. I really believe in that.

Well said!

I make these things up as I go. Ha!

Very well spoken, Marlo. I’m going to take that to heart and be more sensitive to what is going on in my husband’s life and what he’s feeling and not saying out loud. God Bless You and all that you do. Your Mom & Daddy are surely proud of you! Katie Miller

I find the best way to tune into a man and discuss something serious is when he’s least expecting it, say, during a hike or drying the dishes or cooking dinner. That usually works and works well. Maybe men are more sensitive than we give ‘em credit for, but they sure do seem to be able to brush off the small stuff and not let it bother them. It’s sort of like the old story about the two monks carrying the heavy woman. When they finally put her down and she went on her way, the young one complained. The older monk said: “Haven’t you put down that load yet? I put it down a long time ago.” Well said. I’m trying to put my load down sooner, much sooner these days. Oh, I make mistakes all the time. Read my blog at mylifeasadate.com and have a laugh!

It doesn’t hurt to like sports, gardening, and cars.

I left the listening door wide open, hoping that I might not be the first one to speak about a problem, waiting for my partner to instigate or notice an issue. I waited too long and to the detriment of my kids. I even blamed my self for my partners ‘power silences’. It has only dawned on me lately, that from his perspective, why talk about something that you consider ok anyway…. if it ain’t broke don’t fix it…acknowledging a problem means perhaps you will have to do something about it…He had what he wanted… he went out, he came back, he never compromised on his social life or any other aspects even when we had children. The only place we ever went together was his parents, and he never spent a penny on anything other than himself. And foolishly, so’s not to rock the boat. I sat and waited, being a good ‘wife’ in hope that he would notice the strain and not wanting to rock the boat.. When guys do have something to say it is always constructive and sensitive right? But Women just become white-noise nags! So I waited..door open, for five years..we had been together for ten and all that came in was a very oppressive draft, and more and more shiny new computers and must have gadgets, and then he walked through it, and left. Saying that he takes refuge in the things he buys! Creative! Sorry to sound so horribly bitter and cynical… guess it’s still early days. I know that there are so many wonderful, sensitive and caring guys out there. But when or if the time comes when I start to feel love for one, I will be checking to see how many teen-type boys toys there are at his place, and if they are all the latest model… if they are, I shall get my coat and make my excuses to leave. Sorry…for what it’s worth, I am taking on board all the comments, and am working to be a little ‘softer’ around the edges and more understanding towards the opposite and very optimistic view presented in this forum. So all credit to everyone here