Marlo, I agree! And the academic education is only the half of what you get! My daughter was enrolled in a girl’s only private Catholic school from grades 6 through 8 and the difference it made met my wildest hopes! I had read that by the 6th grade, girls begin to dumb themselves down in order to meet the approval of the boys. Throw in the other developmental stage of fashion frenzy and one could lose your daughter to the vapid pattern of self-subjugation to a poorly chosen man for the rest of her life. I knew I had to do something. I’d shriek to high heaven if I lost by daughter’s beautiful MIND and self-esteem to the competition for a boyfriend who would turn her around, turn her out and then turn her down. Her smaller classroom (she and 20 others WERE the grade) gave her a better chance at getting the teacher’s help so her grades were the highest that she could achieve. She was in competition with the other girls but for good grades, better projects, better parts in the school play. She was very concerned about her wardrobe when out of uniform but to the extent of how fashion could best portray her inner self, her moods or the event she was going to. And the bonus: her schoolyard conversations were more debates about the pros and cons of being a strong woman AND having the love of your life; she and her classmates helped each other work out their thoughts about adult life and set plans for it. And when she repeated these conversations to me they usually went “Susie said her mother told her…so I told her my mother said…we don’t know what you guys mean by…”. Today I have an intelligent, strong-minded adult daughter who feels that she can speak her mind and defend herself against any assault to her opinions or mannerisms. She HAS had a bum guy in her life a few times, be he a teacher, a boyfriend, a boss but she has calmly and firmly put that man in his place with due respect. To the man AND herself. Yay! Go all-girls’ school!!

Sorry… I disagree. With the right support and insights at home the girls’s are better prepared to compete with the boys in school and later in life. I’m not sure when competition got such a bad rap. It’s the best teacher.

I attended a girls boarding school and credit it with my having had the self-confidence to step up for leadership opportunities that were often taken by boys at co-ed schools. At the nationally-ranked suburban school my children have attended, however, it is the girls who overwhelmingly set the standard. They are scholars, athletes, perform in school plays, are officers in student government, and orchestrate all the social events. An example is my daughter, who is team leader of her history team that is working on a project. She has them convening this afternoon at our house with whatever they have each prepared individually to pull it all together. I marvel at the self-confidence and organizational skills she has as well as the way she addresses the boys on her team — with authority and tact. In addition, she has baked brownies because she says the boys work better when they are fed! It is the boys who struggle with their identity these days. Consequently, our 17 year old son attends a boys school where he is a varsity athlete, has established a relationship between the school and a local not-for-profit where the boys volunteer, sings in the school choir and is one of 12 boys in its a cappella group. The latter 2 he would NEVER have participated in had he remained at our local co-ed school, and I question whether he would have led the way in establishing a relationship with the not-for-profit or whether he simply would have waited to be drafted by a girl to work there . All the boys at his current school are required to play a sport (there are 4 levels of teams) and they benefit (even the less athletic ones) from the camaraderie and the competition. They are all required to participate in the Arts as well, which has resulted in boys discovering they have talents they didn’t know they had, whether it’s singing, sculpting, painting, or performing on stage. I think girls have come a long way over the last 25 years and Title IX has also played an important role, but the boys have been left behind. I think more attention needs to be paid so that the boys don’t leave adolescence as 2 dimensional creatures.

Marlo, I wish I’d been one of the ‘cute boys’ who’d asked you for coffee (although I can’t stand coffee - snuck a sip of my mother’s cold coffee one morning at age 6, and that was it!). I struggled in school, too, at times, because of distractions. I recall one incident, though, that gave me a tremendous amount of confidence that would put me in good stead for my future career in broadcasting. I was a long-haired freak, and a lot of the other students (and teachers) assumed I just got high all the time. In one history class that was so large we had two teachers, each student was required to go up in front of the class and give a speech on an assigned figure from American history. More than half of the students (!) didn’t have their reports prepared, and received an ‘F’. I think they were afraid to speak in front of a large class. One after the next, the teachers would call a student’s name, and ask, “Are you prepared to give a speech?”, and one after the next said “no”. I stunned the class, however, when I said “yes”, as I was the least likely to even know how to open a book, in their view, I’m sure. I heard the chuckles and the whispering as I strode up to the lecturn. I looked each one in the eye as I gave my speech, answered the teachers’ follow-up questions, and received an ‘A. I knew right then that, although I have very few God-given abilities compared to the average person, that speaking and writing were my gifts. I guess the lesson learned was never to sell a person short - especially yourself.

I went to an all girl’s high school in the late 1970s and had a fantastic experience in every sense and it set me up to go a very fine university. However, I was startled to learn from a friend of mine who is an Ivy League admissions officer that there is no evidence at all that girls who attend all-girls schools fare any better academically than girls who attend co-ed schools. In fact, she says it is well known in admissions that the standardized math scores of girls from same-sex high schools are below those of girls from co-ed high schools. She actually is as disappointed in this as I was to hear it, and there are competing views as to why. One theory is that teachers in co-ed schools tend to challenge their classes with more advanced material because the boys demand it and want to compete.

Marlo, I’m surprised you came away from your experience feeling like all girls’ schools were the answer to a better education for young women. I would have come away feeling like, “Wow! If the opposite sex is always gonna be part of the equation, girls better learn how to buckle down as early as possible!” If I read the story right, it was only the threat of being sent back to an all-girls college that motivated you to avoid flattering distractions and strive for the goal.

Mar, the procrastination thing you speak of is a trademark of a perfectionist. I used to have to hitchhike to school in the winter, because of procrastination. I’m still fighting it all these years later, not as badly, though.

Holy Names Forever! May thy Spirit guide and guard, in our school days and hereafter, when life’s ways prove all too hard. Let us cling to noble standards, to the wrong, we’ll never yield. Noblesse Oblige, our high school motto to spur us onward in every chosen field. Loyal, yes ever loyal, let us cheer for red and blue. let every heart sing, let every voice ring with your joyous praises true So ever onward, our course pursuing, We’ll ever loyal be to Holy Names. 40 years later and I still remember the words and sentiment. Would not trade that education for anything. I agree though, that freshman year in a co-ed college was a mite distracting.

I have to disagree. We sent our daughter to an all-girls private school until the end of her sophomore year in high school when she begged us daily to “get me out of here!” We were hoping that she’d graduate with bullet-proof self-esteem ready to achieve anything she set her mind to do. What she experienced was vicious, petty treatment from peers and rapid pigeon-holing from faculty. She was a gifted high school athlete who because she could help the school contend for State titles was only permitted to concentrate on her sport – no debate team, no literary magazine, no school newspaper, etc., etc. because “you run – that’s what you do here.” Worse, as a freshman student in her first weeks of school was hounded by upper class mates when they saw her eat anything at lunchtime telling her (and the coach) she’d get fat and slow down; when she suffered a hip injury where she literally detached her growth plates from excessive training the team trainer would daily have her stand in a garbage can filled with ice so she could “run through the pain” rather than take time off to heal; and, when attending an information session about debate team was physically removed by her coach who announced to the assembly “you don’t have time for this – you need to suit up and support your team.” All this because most all-girls schools have something to prove – they produce champion athletes-students-everything. What they don’t tell us is at what cost. Enrolling in public high school changed my daughter’s life and outlook on life. She continued to run (and won awards and was elected team captain her senior year) because she loved it. She continued to write (and won awards and freelanced for several publications to supplement her college savings) because she loved it. She continued to try new things because she is smart, curious and fun-loving. And, as a bonus, adding boys to the mix helped to keep the nastier interactions between young women to a minimum. My husband and I regret every minute she spent in the all-girls environment and wish someone had alerted us to the potential down-side so we could have made a better informed decision.

Yes, Marlo, I agree with same-sex education across the board. After participating in the AAUW research on education of young females, it was apparent the issue is not about competition, it’s about the cultural attitudes toward boys and girls by the teachers, and how it affects students. Check out the videos on this research - it’s fascinating. I went to an all-girl high school, then an all woman university for the study it offered (after stopping off for 4+ years at co-ed university). The difference between the all-women university and my very excellent co-ed university was startling. Having never given my high school educational advantages much thought (only appreciated that I’d been ground to the bone in learning, taught how to think, confront ambiguity, and also judge what I read) until my years in the women’s university. It was like a breeze from the ocean to sit among other students and have incredible discussions, often heated, intense, and intellectually challenging with no after effects; I felt like I had returned home. My daughters did not make such choices, but I certainly wish that they had availed themselves of the opportunities - they have been far better off in the short, and the long run, especially confronting life in society today. I’m sure the research is still on the AAUW website - I’m not that old, yet.