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Mary Wells | 05/08/2008 10:10 am

'Eight Months After She Died, She Appeared – Promise Kept!'

Mary Wells

I am my mother in most ways – except she would have preferred to be blond. We are the kind that keeps going.

The house can fall down, the trees can turn red, the men in our life can disappear, the money can run out; we keep going.

My blessed editor at Knopf, maybe the best teacher I ever had, once asked me what I thought my book was about and I said, "love," and she said, "Oh no, it’s about going on. You always keep going." She was so right. I got that from my mother. Her German parents wouldn’t send her to college – the boys went. She showed them. She married a Norwegian from Minnesota who had just returned from Paris and the war.

She thought he would give her a glamorous life. When he couldn’t muster the ambition, she waited a while and then she and I gave her and us a glamorous life — not with diamonds — with experiences. She loved to learn and wanted to see and know everything. We had an agreement that whichever of us died first would return and, with a code that only we would understand, we would let each other know things were just fine. And about eight months after she died, she appeared at the end of my bed in France in the early morning and said, "Mary, I think you should know Cass died." Cass had been a friend when I was small in Poland, Ohio. No one knew her except my mother and it had been forty years since I had thought of her. So I knew my mother was fine.

Once, I meditated on my mother and was wondering what she was up to and I heard a voice say, "She misses not knowing where you are." Which I thought was a very funny reply. In her later years she used to want to know everywhere I’d been. I guess now she knows everywhere I’ve been. So, happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I bet you’re wowed by these women!


60 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Linda Clark
Absolutely beautiful! I anticipate that when either my mother or I pass away, that we’ll still be communicating. We have always been connected through “unexpected thoughts”. We live 1500 miles apart and it feels like we live next door to each other! Not every woman is a biological mom; but every woman is “gifted” as if they were a mom! As women, we are the embodiment of many attributes: supportive, assertive, generous and truly intuitive creatures! HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
By Linda Clark on 05/08/2008 10:36 am
Michael Salling
I bet she’s wowOwowed too, Mary. I know that each day I become fonder of all you remarkable women. What a joy it was to read this touching sketch of your mother’s enduring influence on your life. I was always wowed by my Mom, and taking this time to remember her is making me happier than I have been in a long time. In the years since she’s been gone she hasn’t spoken to me in the same ways your mother has, but I feel she’s always present in my heart — especially so at this moment. Thank you, Mary.
By Michael Salling on 05/08/2008 10:55 am
zut alors
Michael…You’re such a sweetie. I’ve always told my son…don’t cry for me when I’m gone..I’ll be with you and had a tremendous life because of you. My Dad is in ICU…yesterday was really weird. Crying over him, laughing and being feisty with the ladies here, and all the time this amazing film running in my head of all the ‘Dad’ moments. He’s 80 and very computer savvy. He loves walking his dog Chance at dawn in an earlier time zone. Nearly every morning when I checked my email there was an email from him. A little thrill in seeing his name among the emails, a little catch of excitement in me opening it. What will Dad say next?! I emailed him a few months ago, “What thought or moment from life would you chose to live with in eternity?” He shot right back. “That’s easy. I had a great family that allowed me to attain.” So glad I asked the question. I’ll have that answer always.
By zut alors on 05/08/2008 12:28 pm
Sandra Robinson
Mary, I love your columns and your mother sounds a really lovely woman. I sat on the plane going to London next to a very nice Polish man who was on his way back to England for a reunion with some British soldiers and he was from Poland, Ohio. I thought it amusing at the time because of all the places in the US, he ended up in Poland. My daughter was interviewing at one time at Kenyon College and we passed through Poland several times, I can’t really see you there! Hopefully, my daughters, who both live in London will remember that it is Mothers Day in the US because it is a different date in England. I lived in NYC when you started your agency and I remember well that it was the first agency to allow women to wear trousers…and I loved the planes..and the fact you married the CEO. How different the world was way back then, Pucci dresses, white stockings, a new Spring coat in pastel colours, false eyelashes, shell earrings from that great shop on Madison Avenue, the mini, the bar on top of the Pan Am Building and your agency was the best..
By Sandra Robinson on 05/08/2008 10:59 am
zut alors
Sandra, Loved how you captured those snazzy days of cleanly-cut A-line minis, big eyes, smooth hair, jazzy earrings, Madison Avenue…even that name is so seductive. The world was full of color and hope, and we all felt like “That Girl!” My son lives in Europe too. Miss him…but I’ll be living there soon.
By zut alors on 05/08/2008 12:15 pm
Ms. Dee
Beautifully said, Mary. And what a wonderful reassurance. I’ve mothered my children so differently than my mother mothered me, but she’s a champ and always will be. When I was little, it was always hard to leave my mother…going to camp, or just away for a weekend with a play-mate. She’s such a tiny woman, really. And tough as she always was, I saw her softer side a time or two when she thought I wasn’t looking. I hope we’ll never “really” have to say good-bye. I found her Mother’s Day gift months ago…no diamonds, but I think she’ll love it. So I’m excited about Sunday.
By Ms. Dee on 05/08/2008 10:59 am
Michael Salling
and good day & aloha Linda — I envy your good fortune in having your mother’s love ever present in your daily life and so close in your thoughts. God’s blessings and joy to you both on Mother’s Day.
By Michael Salling on 05/08/2008 11:03 am
Linda Clark
Michael, thank you. My siblings and I are so blessed to still have her with us! She is the best part of me; that is to say, the life that I have strived for is the direct result of the experiences she has encountered. She is first and foremost a brave woman. She is funny, intellectual and …… my favorite computer geek in the making!
By Linda Clark on 05/08/2008 11:20 am
S. B.
i had a wonderful dream of my mother and sister. they did for the most part not get along, too competitive, i guess. and eventhough they died years apart, i was sad they had never been reconciled as they had hurt each other in awful ways. after my sister died (my mother had died almost ten years earlier) i did indeed have this dream. i was walking down a road and found this wonderful big, old house and i could hear loud noises and laughter coming from the house so i approached and found the door open and stepped inside. there was no furniture in the house but the wood floors shined brightly. as i looked around i could hear the sound of laughter coming closer and this funny noise and then i saw my sister and my mother roller skating around and around the first floor laughing together joyfully. it was then that i realized as i woke up i didn’t need to fret about their dislike for one another they had done the work to reconcile their hurts themselves and i was pleased.
By S. B. on 05/08/2008 11:07 am
Estimada C
Hundreds of stars in the pretty sky, hundreds of bees in the purple clover, hundreds of birds that go singing by, but only one mother the whole world over. One year to the exact date of my mother’s death, I had an out-of-body experience about her. It happened many years ago - it’s as fresh in my mind today as if it just happened. So yes, of course, I’m a believer. Mom’s surely deserve a crown and the accolades of love they will receive on Sunday. Happy Mother’s Day to each one!!!
By Estimada C on 05/08/2008 11:18 am
zut alors
Arlene, Thank you for that enchanting verse, I copied it down for my mother. I’m a believer too! My first and real love, my son’s father and my first husband, appeared the night of his birthday, Christmas Eve, six months after he was killed in a flying accident at only 36. If the whole world said it couldn’t have happened, I know it did, and as for you, it’s very vivid in my mind still.
By zut alors on 05/08/2008 12:01 pm
Estimada C
suzanne, that verse was given to me by my daughter. I love it, too. The experience you shared about your first husband is amazing. Probably not many people would believe that your experience or mine really happened. I have shared my experience with my family and they all believe me. But if no one else did, I know it’s true. I’m happy that someone else had the joy that you and I have known.
By Estimada C on 05/08/2008 3:09 pm
doll lady
How wonderful Mary. To have your dear mother not only in your memory and dreams, but also still in your life, either spiritually or real. I have always thought my dear mama guided me through life. Losing her at a mere age 12 was hard, but I just felt her there most of the time. And she is waiting for me. I can tell. I know she would have been wowOwowed … she loved life, loved to laugh and cried for those in trouble or need. This subject always makes me think of one of my most favorite movies “Ghost” which incidentally featured our wonderful Whoopi Goldberg. Without her the movie would not have been the same.
By doll lady on 05/08/2008 11:20 am
zut alors
Mary, This took my breathe away. Grace and insight and backbone. The love of learning and the power to see is such a rich gift. You have it and convey it with a fresh sweep and the exquisite message to keep going. I think you, your mother and daughters [and editor!] won the gold rings in each other. Thank you for this and Happy Mother’s Day.
By zut alors on 05/08/2008 11:46 am
Maurine H
Mary, what a loving tribute to your mother and your relationship with her. Isn’t it a mysterious and wonderful thing that we can have conversations and appearances that transcend the physical? My mother’s presence is still very much with me and I’ve had her whisper in my ear or, like you, appear at the foot of my bed - just a little, just for a minute, but there, nevertheless. Sometimes I carry the memory of her scent, her smile, one of her hundreds of expressions, or her laughter around with me for a whole day- like a fresh handkerchief in my pocket. Happy Mother’s Day to you -and to your mother- she knows where you are. All our Moms do.
By Maurine H on 05/08/2008 12:04 pm