We’ve come out to Los Angeles for the Fourth to see our daughter Taylor and help her with last-minute wedding planning. When I got married (the first time), my mother did everything. I don’t remember her asking my opinion for a single thing. Once again, I’ve been cast to the sidelines. Taylor is “the decider” of this wedding. I’ve taken to calling myself “Brinksy.” I drive along, toss out the bags of money and just keep going!

Well, that’s not entirely true. I was allowed to go with Tay to buy her dress (it was a hoot, especially Kleinfeld’s!); and now on the Fourth I’m being employed as a seating consultant.

I’ve become something of an anthropologist, discovering that the American wedding of the year 2007 has a formula. That my daughter is following it as if it were a Julia Child recipe – not to be tampered with – has me stunned.

Taylor played football in seventh grade. Not girls’ football. She was a right tackle on the boys’ junior varsity. She wore a face guard, for Christ sake. Who ever thought she would want a dainty veil?

Who is this girl? I was so sure this child would never wear a traditional white dress with a train (wrong); or have bridesmaids (she has a slew including her brothers Ben, Justin and Marc); or a tent, band, caterer, waiters, flowers – and most assuredly, she would never want a three-day destination wedding.

Just shoot me.

Part of the formula includes a two-day bachelorette party for the bridespersons (including massages). That took place this past weekend, and even though I was out here (alone in the dark), I was not invited. I was allowed to go to the cake tasting, which was as indulgent as it sounds!

A friend explained to me that the wedding “formula” is a throwback to the 1950s. The brides today are reacting against their own mothers (natch) – the bra burners of the ‘60s who either got married barefoot on the beach, or like me (the second time), took off an hour from work to find a judge and elope.

I’m coming to realize that Taylor has been planning this wedding in her imagination for a long time … maybe years. And the truth is I’m loving seeing her at her happiest ever. And yes, we love him too!