Relationship expert Judith Sills’s surprisingly robust rituals for a romantic response

Babies flirt because it comes easily to them and septuagenarians flirt if they still have the juice. In between, the rest of us flirt when we find our footing, though the ground gets momentarily shaky after big birthdays. But it doesn’t have to. You can keep your flirt all your life, if you polish up your act over time.

Click here for an illustrated guide to Flirting After 40!

At any age, flirtation is simply the expression (mostly but not entirely nonverbal) of interest and (mostly but not entirely sexual) appreciation. And, of course, flirting is the desire to attract that very same interest and appreciation to yourself. The main difference between flirting at 15 and flirting at 50 is in what you are using as bait. Fifteen is flirting with a seductive innocence and enthusiasm; 50 is flirting with erotic self-confidence and experience. If you don’t confuse the two, you’ll enjoy yourself. These guidelines may help:

1. Are you in town or on the road?

Flirting in front of a hometown audience — at your club or your girlfriend’s dinner party — requires restraint because single women are scrutinized by their closest friends for any signs of poaching. Under these conditions, avoid any personal comments. (“That tie and shirt are fabulous. Did you pick that out yourself?” Smile. Eye contact.) Instead, gift wrap all connecting remarks in intellectual banter. (“I agree. It was his most intriguing column.” Smile. Eye contact.) Outside your social circle you can do anything that feels like fun to you, even mouthing the words “I love you” to a total stranger, just to see what would happen. Because, ultimately, wherever you are, flirting is at least partly just for the fun of it.

2. What’s your desired outcome?

Are you seeking a simple lift of the spirits? (Make bold eye contact and smile. He’ll smile back and you’ll feel good.) Are you thinking perhaps a sexual fling might be in order? (Approach and start a slightly personal conversation. Touch him casually, early on. If he isn’t interested, move on. Going much further is unattractive stalking.) Are you hoping for something more traditional, like an introduction or a date? (Separate from the group and put yourself in his physical proximity, turning slightly towards him. If necessary, make one connecting comment. “How’s that wine?” He has to take it from there.)

The advantage you have over 40 is that you can be conscious of your agenda.

3. The wardrobe, the shoe and the cleavage question.

Of course you will be yourself, but it helps to be the self that is signaling she is a sexually alive woman.

That woman is only wearing running shoes if she is flirting during a marathon start; she is only wearing a flax sack if she is flirting during apple picking; she is only showing major cleavage if hers has magically maintained — or at least been surgically restored to — some pre-40 state of desirability. Otherwise, you will be wearing some tolerable form of girl shoe (because it puts you in the flirting frame of mind), clothing that reveals your body contour (because that puts men in a flirting mood) and you will wrap your sexual skin in whatever enhances it most.

4. Don’t be afraid of the Bold Approach.

Send him a drink. Hand over a chocolate kiss when you see an attractive prospect. Drop your business card in his lap. (Be prepared for him to confuse you with a hooker. This is not necessarily all bad.) Send him a text message that says you are ovulating. Call and ask his advice (on your car troubles, your travel plans, your wine choice – think of something). Throw a party and tell him it won’t be any fun if he isn’t there.

5. Use technology for practice.

Send a person of interest an e-mail joke, or an article you thought he’d like. Send everyone electronic valentines. Take the risk.