airplanes are like Greyhound buses…

What an appropriate question! I just got off a plane from East coast to West, and love to fly!!! (‘cept for the take off & landing :>{ I remember those “good old days” too. From the late 60s to the 80s, we had real full hot meals on real plates with real flatware! I’d bet more of the latter was probably stolen than went back the airline kitchens ;+} And yes, most stewardesses were nice, especially to young new mothers - BUT not all! There were the “old school - follow the rules” gals, and the “it’s just a JOB!” (AKA get me outa here) ones, & a few “flirty time” chicks - a very rude thing when directed at your hubby caring for your cranky baby, & right in front of you! When I fly, I like to pick the window seat. But today, I got the middle one. I came in & the young fella in the window seat was first to say hi to me. The young gal to my left came on, sat, & plugged her ears with her iPod for the whole trip! The guy & I, each read our books for a while, then we talked a little. But we also “shared” those mile high magnificent views as we flew over the country, trying to figure out which state we were over. These attendants were as helpful, nice, and courteous to us in “coach” as they were to the big dudes in first class! I aught to know, I was only 1 seat away! In all the flying I’ve done, I can’t really remember sitting near a cranky passenger, or had a really nasty stewerd / ess! Course, I AM old, grey, & a bit forgetful, but it’s OK, I’ll keep that memory ;+} Thing is, I don’t think “they’ve” changed, I think “we’ve” changed! I talk to folks in line at the bank, grocery store, any line & place I find myself with other people. ‘S just in my nature. I don’t mind if “they” don’t want to talk - I can always read, meditate, hum a quiet tune, whatever. But at least, I’ll always try to be friendly, especially so if we’ll be together for several hours! I don’t see other folks as strangers, just a fellow “travelers.” See ya after my next flight home!

We live in such an isolated society. Tennesse Williams said we all live in solitary confinement in our minds. The days of just sitting around, shooting the breeze don’t happen. Busy, busy people. I think loneliness and/or isolation is probably the largest social problem plaguing people at least in the U.S. Our life style could use more “quality” injected into it. With that said, I don;t like to talk to people when I fly, although I have had some great conversations with interesting people. One in particular a jazz musician from NYC who played with Rubin Blades and he was originally from Panama. My problme with starting a conversation is that some people then think the conversation has to continue for the duration of the flight.

Peggy, you are so right that life as a whole has changed quite radically, and the warmth and genuineness of people on planes, actually anywhere, has come to a place where it is hard to get eye contact. Are we being so overwhelmed with words on the media that we want to go into our own corner and be silent and have peace? Have we become socially inept after spending so much time staring at a computer — or have we been taught to fear “the stranger”? Remember when it was “an experience”, a delight to BE on a plane - a time when you actually had a whole seat and not a sardine can of people in rows? A time we felt like ladies, were served actual dinners by pleasant attractive stewardesses who made us feel catered to — and we felt wonderful? We weren’t afraid to talk to a smiling person in the next seat then. But perhaps that when we are treated like robots, we become robots with frozen faces who march off the plane in lockstep also. We seldom feel “special”, “ourselves”, and face it, on or off a plane, we have become too busy to sincerely interact. Our minds are overloaded, our bodies often dragging, and we go into ourselves for renewal. As we look at the “then”, and NOW, those of us who have lived long enough know full well that something so important — interchange of great conversation - has almost come a lost art. How sad that is!

I know this goes way way back in time………People used to think you rude if you didn’t say hello or great them in some pleasant way…….now people look at you like you’re crazy if you talk to them at all. I miss those old days of civility…….. I remember walking down the street and every one would greet you with a smile and a bright hello. Even in a strange City. Now we all have our cell phones………own water bottle……..portable TV players……..everything electroncic. Generally the look you get on a plane is ‘I hope they don’t sit by me.’ Unfortunatly we can’t have the whole plane to ourselves……..ha!

Everyone who is thinking about this question MUST read the funniest article on airlines - awful - of the future in New Yorker, July 7&14. There is more truth than funny fiction in it . . and I promise you will love it!!

“What a great movie scene it could be if you could transfer iconic figures of the ’50s into a moment in time today.” Scene? How about a series! What Sesame Street was for kids in the way of upgrading civility and understanding, you can do again for multi-generations! Are you kidding? This is the best idea I’ve heard in a bazillion years, Peggy! No one really captures the charm or essence of previous generations when they recreate them through a modern lens, (not even Coppola.) And six generations are now compositing the work place, society on “equal turf” and they need help figuring out how to learn from one another. Generations, lost in translation. Just for starters: Studs Terkel, Norman Lear, Tom Wolfe, Angela Davis, John Waters, Patti Smith, Anna Deveare Smith, Touré et al could advise/ represent. As Ernie Lehman said, “Each scene should be an arrow to the next one.” The same’s true for generations. What a revolutionary concept - Carpe Anno! It’s your Dharma to do it.

Flying has changed drastically. Partly technology and computers etc. have separated the human connection. Once flying from Paris to L.A. I sat next to a 400pound art dealer from Paris. He was very nice and interesting. But he overflowed into my seat. On his own after a while he got up and went to the back of the plane to smoke and didn’t return until near landing., that was when you could move around at will. Another time returning from Europe I sat next to a Portuguese woman around 70 who could not speak English. In my faltering Spanish to her Portuguese I was able to get her a drink and order her meal. She invited me to come visit her in Portugal. (I know Portuguese and Spanish are different but we communicated.) These days everyone takes their valium or whatever and turns on their electronic devices. You can take a whole flight without any human interaction. Oh well times change.

I have found that I am at my most relaxed when flying. It is the one (and only) place where I completely turn over control of my life. Thus, I have almost always been open to someone wanting to chat. However, I certainly understand when someone shows the ‘no talk’ posture. I simply go prepared to read or watch the TV provided on the flight. Of course, I once had a co-worker comment, after watching me strike up a very pleasant conversation with someone on the Metro in D.C., that ‘no one’ talks on the Metro. Well, I do. Granted you have to be cautious, but I was not travelling alone, so had no qualms about making polite conversation with another willing traveler. Beware, you may be sitting next to me one day, and find a willing ear for your life’s story.

I can talk or not talk depending on the conditions. What I had a hard time with was a 3 year old boy sitting next to me in the window seat, flying to his dads house, and I had to entertain him for a couple of hours during the flight, plus he was crying because he had to leave one of his parents behind. He only had a children’s bible to read from so that’s what I read to him. The poor other passengers and what were his parents thinking… I hope that never happens again.

Here’s a cultural difference I noticed after living in Ireland. If you are the only person sitting at a table in an empty coffee shop in the US and someone walks in the door, most of the time they will sit across the room from you. If you are the only person sitting at a table in an empty coffee shop in Ireland and someone walks in the door, most of the time they’ll sit at the table right next to you. However, the person sitting across the room in the US seems more likely to strike up a conversation with you than the person who sat at the table right next to you in Ireland. It’s as though the people in the US have larger physical boundaries but less boundaries when it comes to striking up a conversation, yet in Ireland it would seem rude to sit far from the other person, but at the same time striking up a conversation with a stranger would seem pushy.