Sign in to wowOwow

Enter the email address that you used when registering at wowOwow.
The password field is case sensitive. Click here if you have forgotten your password.

Please register for wowOwow

Newsletter subscriptions
Sign up to receive wowOwow's weekly newsletter and get our best picks delivered right to your inbox. Our newsletter content is hand-picked by the wowOwow editorial team and provides the top features, news, and commentary from our site. Subscribing to our newsletter is free and safe. We will never share your email or other information with a third-party without your direct consent.
By registering, you indicate that you have read and agree
with our privacy policy and terms of service.

A Friend Stopped By | 10/25/2008 8:48 am

Poor Cindy McCain Is Just Another Lonely, Neglected Wife

Editor’s Note: A longtime journalist, Margo Howard went into the family business (her mother was the fabled Ann Landers) in the 1990s as Dear Prudence. Her broad experience and understanding of human nature provide answers for the troubled — and entertainment for everyone else. Click here to read her column on Yahoo!

There was a front-page story in last Saturday’s New York Times about Cindy McCain that had the senator’s campaign spitting bullets – and, of course, attacking the Times and "the liberal media." Their ire, I feel certain, was not that there was anything untrue in the piece, but that "America" had perhaps not had all this information laid out for them before. The story basically detailed the McCain’s de facto separate lives, revealed Cindy’s weird desire to emulate, if not be Princess Diana, and shone a spotlight on things John McCain would just as soon have consigned to the Distant Past bin: his and Cindy’s deep connection to the Keating Five, John’s dumping his loyal, well-liked, health-impaired starter wife, and Mrs. McCain’s possibly felonious theft of pain meds from a charity.

But none of that is what got my attention, perhaps because I already knew much of it. What did register with me, as a woman, was this quote: "As his poll numbers have slid recently, her devotion has seemed only to grow."

Bingo. I understood why that sentence made bells go off: I recognized the dynamic. Not only had I lived it, but so had a few women I knew well. (It is quite possible that some of you will read this with a knowing smile.) My hard-earned insight was this: when a man — whether husband or lover – is chilly and plays hard to get, emotionally, it elicits from the female partner a mad desire to please.  The woman will do anything to make him happy, grateful, and with luck, bring him closer. Sometimes these are men who run around; sometimes they are just narcissists who are emotionally unavailable.

I suspect what incensed the McCain campaign was that the Times story, for those who knew what they were reading, spelled it out that John McCain was not such a great husband and that Cindy, her heiress status not withstanding, was just another lonely, neglected wife. Politically, this message ain’t great … family values and all that. But for me, for the first time, I no longer had negative feelings about Cindy McCain. I simply felt sorry for her. I would bet anything that the possibility of her husband gaining the presidency would give Cindy the hope that they might, at last, be together, share something, and have more of a marriage. Unfortunately for her, I don’t think that will happen.

81 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Alison Carnie
Cindy McCain follows John around like political wives in the 60’s did … as a strong, well educated woman I find it embarrassing … I think it says an awful lot about Barack Obama that he married a woman who has her own identity, great strength, stellar education and is strong as hell … only secure men with their own self of themselves (ergo Phil Donohue) marry women like that! That should be a reson to vote of Obama right there.
By Alison Carnie on 10/30/2008 9:42 pm
Sherrie Crews
“Just look at the two of them whenever they’re together. Spacial distance. No overt, comfortable affection.” By Maurine H on 10/26/2008 12:52 am You know Maurine, I’ve thought the same things many times about the Bush’s too. In fact, the first time my mother saw the Bushes together back at the beginning of the 2000 campaign she said that Laura acted like a battered woman. There were even some stirrings around the internet about the possibility but they disappeared as quickly as the records of his being AWOL from the National Guard and the remark I heard him make on election night 2000 that Gore might as well give up because his brother Jeb had promised to deliver Florida. And now people want to elect more of McSame. How pathetic.
By Sherrie Crews on 10/31/2008 9:23 am
Catherine Kaiman
My husband equates Cindy McCain to a “Stepford wife”. I, have a different perspective of the woman. I too have noticed the “body language” between the McCain’s. For the most part, I don’t see Cindy as angry so much as I do sad. There is something haunting about that woman’s eyes. I see her standing on stage stiff and lifeless, and when McCain does get around to acknowledging her, she looks almost on the verge of tears while mouthing a thank you, and almost always she looks down to the ground. I personally feel somewhat sorry for her. It can’t be easy being a candidate’s wife, let alone McCain’s wife. Given his history with women, if I were Cindy I would be worried too. I think she would be much happier somewhere else than on the political stage, and I won’t blame her for that.
By Catherine Kaiman on 10/31/2008 1:56 pm
robyn robinett
i just am appalled @ the way he treats her in public. and, while i don’t care for her, i do feel the/her pain. (i am pained watching it!) so, if that’s they way they roll, great. i wouldn’t want that for myself- i need more love/attention.
By robyn robinett on 10/31/2008 8:12 pm
Judith Leimert
In my opinion it diminishes all of the women who read these posts to dissect the McCain marriage. All of us fill certain voids in our life and her decisions to learn to fly an airplane, to give to children in third world countries, to do whatever, are her business. Looking inside a marriage and making judgments about happiness should not be done except by the two people in the marriage. And the same goes for the Clinton marriage. Whatever the bond it is between the husband and wife, not us.
By Judith Leimert on 10/31/2008 9:43 pm