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Relationships | 08/21/2008 12:00 am

Five Ways To Know That Your Husband May Be Looking Elsewhere

By Robert Stephan Cohen
© iStock

 

Editor’s Note: Robert Stephan Cohen, a partner in Cohen Lans, LLP, is one of the top divorce attorneys in the United States, having just successfully represented Christie Brinkley in her landmark custody battle this summer. Past clients include Uma Thurman, Lorraine Bracco and various Trump wives. He is the author of Reconcilable Differences: 7 Keys to Remaining Together from a Top Matrimonial Lawyer.


1. If your husband has blocks of unaccounted-for time, especially in the evening or on weekends, beware.

2. If there is a family computer, log on and see what the search history, sites visited or navigation history and e-mail trails suggest. Find out where your "cache" is on your Internet browser and see if it is being cleared regularly; it may suggest he is trying to hide what sites he’s been visiting. Anything strange. There are laws affecting computer access and you should check with a qualified professional.

3. Check his cell phone calls if the bills come home to determine whether there are unfamiliar repeat calls. If the bills don’t come home, wonder why.

4. If he starts talking about a woman at the office or someone he met — even in an innocuous way — it suggests he has another interest.

5. If his sexual appetite with you wanes or changes in a material way it may be the beginning. My experience, however, is that it is easier for men to engage in sex with their spouse and others in the same time frame. It’s usually a dead giveaway when women stop having sex with their mate. They are wired in a way that generally makes multiple sex partners off limits for them.

Reminder: Before you confront him, see a capable divorce lawyer.

Mr. Cohen practices law in New York State. This blog does not and should not be construed to give legal advice in connection with any of the subject matter contained herein. You must always seek to speak with your own lawyer for legal advice. 

160 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

kermie b
This checking up makes me uncomfortable. Either there is trust or there isn’t.
By kermie b on 08/21/2008 2:30 am
Jane Cougar Melonhat
ITA, ki!
By Jane Cougar Melonhat on 08/21/2008 8:08 am
kermie b
Melonhat! I had to think about that one. I am guessing from the context it means I Thoroughly Agree. Thank you. I had a bad relationship when I was younger that fit NONE of the points above. It ended with him taking me for every cent I had, but was almost worth that because I learned the type of guy to stay far, far, away from. With age comes wisdom (one can only hope) and radar for bad relationships. I simply love the hat. ki
By kermie b on 08/21/2008 11:50 am
Jane Cougar Melonhat
ki, you´ve really been through a lot in your life, IIRC. <— This one is just for you! (BTW, you´re getting really good in cybertalk). You have my admiration. I´ve never been in a really bad relationship (thank god) but I was sort of a commitment-phobic. But even back then I would have never checked up my partner. I´ve come a long way since then and the relationship I´m in right now is great because of the trust we have in each other. So - as you said - without it, forget it. PS: I think you must be my mental twin (not my crazy twin). Whenever I see your comments I could just add “ITA” and be done.
By Jane Cougar Melonhat on 08/21/2008 12:26 pm
kermie b
JCM—Come to think of it, I have always been commitment phobic too. In the relationship I described as bad, I knew there was something wrong when he tried to make me into someone I wasn’t. I think the tipping point was when he wanted me to have kids and go back to work so he could be a stay-at-home Dad. He seriously thought it was easy raising children. That’s when I backed off for good. He didn’t care that I didn’t want marriage or children. He knew what he wanted and pushed and pushed to try to turn me into the woman he wanted. Then he tried to convince me I could not live without him. Puh-lease. It reminds me of a woman I knew who got married to a man who wanted a blond wife. She was Italian, with beautiful dark hair and features. She ruined her gorgeous hair by bleaching it almost white for him and it looked so unnatural. Then when she tried and succeeded getting pregnant, I could not believe she would do that for a man who ended up leaving her anyway. It was sad seeing that unfold, because anyone with decent radar knew it was doomed. I had to ask, would he do anything like that for her? She told me I didn’t understand, but I think I did. I shut up after that conversation because it was none of my business. I think she knew it was doomed. Love makes us do nutty things.
By kermie b on 08/21/2008 1:42 pm
Jane Cougar Melonhat
It makes you wonder about what kind of love it is that makes people want to change their “loved” ones. Do they fall in love with an image they have in mind? And when the image doesn´t fit reality, reality has to change? Is that easier than changing their perception of a partner? Probably. But is that really love?
By Jane Cougar Melonhat on 08/21/2008 2:26 pm
kermie b
I don’t think it’s love. I think it is more desperation. IMO. (Look at me using acronyms. Nifty.)
By kermie b on 08/21/2008 3:13 pm
Jane Cougar Melonhat
Hey k, I just noticed: what happened to the “i”?
By Jane Cougar Melonhat on 08/21/2008 2:31 pm
kermie b
Gosh. “I” just disappeared. Whoa. (No really, I did it on purpose. I don’t want certain people recognizing my posts. The nickname was a giveaway.)
By kermie b on 08/21/2008 3:12 pm
Jane Cougar Melonhat
And you thought about that after how many months on wowOwow? Kidding, just kidding!
By Jane Cougar Melonhat on 08/21/2008 3:19 pm
kermie b
Oh, Melonhat. You are right. I have thought about changing my name for a long time, but I could never come up with something as clever as yours. I just love your avatar. It makes me smile from ear to ear.
By kermie b on 08/22/2008 3:02 pm
Jane Cougar Melonhat
A) I´m not the clever one, that´s georgia fatwood. She came up with the name and will have my eternal gratitude for it - I only provided the avatar (the name I chose was sooo lame in comparison). B) No idea for a clever name? That from a woman who invented “The Kerminator” - that was sheer brilliance! Why not use that one? And please don´t change your avatar. I love Kermi so much.
By Jane Cougar Melonhat on 08/23/2008 12:45 am
kermie b
Hmmm. The Kerminator will think about it. Thanks. I’m just afraid it sounds like a refrigerator.
By kermie b on 08/23/2008 2:01 am
Jane Cougar Melonhat
Anybody who can´t tell the difference between the Kerminator and a refrigerator has a real problem. And that´s the truth! (Oh, wrong thread)
By Jane Cougar Melonhat on 08/23/2008 2:49 am
kermie b
Well, I guess I know where you fit in on the favorite time of day question. I was thinking of Kenmore or some other brand name for a fridge. I will change my name. Thank you for suggesting it. I won’t change my avatar. I’ve known Kermie since he was a sock with ping pong ball eyes. He and I go way back. I am going to attempt some sleep. Thanks for staying up with me. You are good company. (And you are green, too.)
By kermie b on 08/23/2008 3:24 am