Relationships | 08/21/2008 12:00 am

Five Ways To Know That Your Husband May Be Looking Elsewhere

By Robert Stephan Cohen

Editor’s Note: Robert Stephan Cohen, a partner in Cohen Lans, LLP, is one of the top divorce attorneys in the United States, having just successfully represented Christie Brinkley in her landmark custody battle this summer. Past clients include Uma Thurman, Lorraine Bracco and various Trump wives. He is the author of Reconcilable Differences: 7 Keys to Remaining Together from a Top Matrimonial Lawyer.

1. If your husband has blocks of unaccounted-for time, especially in the evening or on weekends, beware.

2. If there is a family computer, log on and see what the search history, sites visited or navigation history and e-mail trails suggest. Find out where your "cache" is on your Internet browser and see if it is being cleared regularly; it may suggest he is trying to hide what sites he’s been visiting. Anything strange. There are laws affecting computer access and you should check with a qualified professional.

3. Check his cell phone calls if the bills come home to determine whether there are unfamiliar repeat calls. If the bills don’t come home, wonder why.

4. If he starts talking about a woman at the office or someone he met — even in an innocuous way — it suggests he has another interest.

5. If his sexual appetite with you wanes or changes in a material way it may be the beginning. My experience, however, is that it is easier for men to engage in sex with their spouse and others in the same time frame. It’s usually a dead giveaway when women stop having sex with their mate. They are wired in a way that generally makes multiple sex partners off limits for them.

Reminder: Before you confront him, see a capable divorce lawyer.

Mr. Cohen practices law in New York State. This blog does not and should not be construed to give legal advice in connection with any of the subject matter contained herein. You must always seek to speak with your own lawyer for legal advice.

160 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

“Victims of our own kindness…” Exactly! Our similarities are interesting. I learned my “Montreal Face” when I was a teenager, modeling…in Montreal. lol! I find it very much a challenge to teach my daughter how to be street-wise, while at the same time trying NOT to have her grow up in constant fear. However, as women we are becoming more empowered and more likely now to pay attention to these “instincts” that have been for so long put on the back burner, in favor of saluting to straight-lined logic. There is very much a place for instinct, whether it be listening to it when you suspect a mate is cheating, or steering clear of someone who gives you a creepy feeling walking down the street. Three cheers for female intuition!

By Ziana Bethune on 08/24/2008 8:10 pm

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Yes, Hip-Hip Hooray for our ability to freely use our intuitiveness! BTW, Montreal a very beautiful place, have been there many times throughout my flying career. I don’t think I’ve every seen an unattractive part of Canada. The first thing I noticed each time I was in Canada, was the cleanliness and beauty. Spent many summers at a friends summer cottage out in the Georgian bay area outside Toronto. My mind mis-places the exact place but I bet it comes to me later, Ha….Like in the middle of the night and leave me saying…I knew that. :)

By HA BIBI on 08/24/2008 9:44 pm

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Your attorney will explain to you the full definition of “due dilligence”. If you have reason to believe your spouse is straying, even a whiff of it, you owe it to yourself to check it out. If there is nothing to hide, there’s nothing to discover. The 5 points spelled out here are just a FEW of the ways you can know about this. I was fortunate to have a great marriage (now a widow) but at some point everyone wonders what their spouse is doing when you’re not together. Trust must be earned, and is seldom regained after it is lost. If your spouse refuses to allow you to see something as basic as a phone bill or computer records, that’s a red flag right there. Marriage is about full disclosure. But once you start asking questions, and you reveal your suspicion, dont be surprised when anything ELSE you might discover will be placed beyond your grasp. He will begin hiding anything and everything, and you won’t find a thing. And bone up on your computer knowledge — that chronic cache clearing is a TRUE sign that something is being concealed.

By Newberry Lamb on 08/24/2008 1:21 pm

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Pretty good advice. Keep in mind this only is helpful when women have check off the pre-five first. Otherwise it is just a pity party. 1. IF you have given up having sex then he is already looking elsewhere. 2. If you are using the excuse my friends only have sex once a month he is already looking else where. 3. If he is approaching you for sex and you say if you just want to have a quicky but I’m not really interested, your husband has 2 girlfriends by now and you don’t want to know. 4. If you gave up trying to stay in shape 6 years ago, I really don’t blame him and he’s really seeing other women to help you save the relationship. 5. God bless John Edward’s mistress for helping him and his wife during this rough stretch of his life. She is an angel!!!

By john doe on 08/26/2008 7:42 pm

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You failed to mention when the bill comes and that annoying b——es phone number is on it like umpteen times. You notice that when he is not at your house (because we don’t live together, but the bill is brought over because you share an acct.) he is chatting up a storm with this hussy for thirty-six min. at a time. You notice that she even calls him early in the morning, and sometimes he meets up with her. UGH! Relationships are way too taxing on the mind. Good luck to the married women out there, I forgot who said this but, ” why marry the pig if you could get the sausage for free”? Sometimes what you get is fakin bacon…

By Raquel Gutierrez on 08/26/2008 9:08 pm

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All the signs were there… I did not want to see it. After many years of self blame for no reason : Now I can say proudly -“Good Riddance!”

By Yolanda Ramirez on 08/26/2008 9:16 pm

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BTW, my libido is off the charts… I find myself begging for his shriveled up contributions, sometimes I have to take matters into my own hands (literally). I am not unsightly; googols of men come on to me, all different races… I have not one shrapnel of a clue as to what is transpiring in his mind…

By Raquel Gutierrez on 08/26/2008 9:17 pm

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Lol.sounds like my life. I have my small suspicions but nothing glaring. No time MIA really but longer than usual to run “errands” in town. Sometimes just get the feeling that he is hiding something. And like you, I have a high “drive” and find myself going for long periods without or taking care of it myself. I too am not unsightly. I was a Miller girl for awhile and have been told that I could have any guy that I want. Funny though, the one that I want shows little to no interest most of the time. He says that I turn him on all the time but that he has gotten old and lazy (he is 48 and I am 41). Does this mean that I am supposed to lose interest too?

By Donna Birnel on 08/27/2008 12:41 pm

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I suppose it is not a good thing to snoop ….BUT…what happens if you catch someone (a husband for instance) while snooping dead to rights on something & they still deny it or twist it around?

By Polly Clark on 09/02/2008 3:55 pm