Relationships | 08/21/2008 12:00 am

Five Ways To Know That Your Husband May Be Looking Elsewhere

By Robert Stephan Cohen

Editor’s Note: Robert Stephan Cohen, a partner in Cohen Lans, LLP, is one of the top divorce attorneys in the United States, having just successfully represented Christie Brinkley in her landmark custody battle this summer. Past clients include Uma Thurman, Lorraine Bracco and various Trump wives. He is the author of Reconcilable Differences: 7 Keys to Remaining Together from a Top Matrimonial Lawyer.

1. If your husband has blocks of unaccounted-for time, especially in the evening or on weekends, beware.

2. If there is a family computer, log on and see what the search history, sites visited or navigation history and e-mail trails suggest. Find out where your "cache" is on your Internet browser and see if it is being cleared regularly; it may suggest he is trying to hide what sites he’s been visiting. Anything strange. There are laws affecting computer access and you should check with a qualified professional.

3. Check his cell phone calls if the bills come home to determine whether there are unfamiliar repeat calls. If the bills don’t come home, wonder why.

4. If he starts talking about a woman at the office or someone he met — even in an innocuous way — it suggests he has another interest.

5. If his sexual appetite with you wanes or changes in a material way it may be the beginning. My experience, however, is that it is easier for men to engage in sex with their spouse and others in the same time frame. It’s usually a dead giveaway when women stop having sex with their mate. They are wired in a way that generally makes multiple sex partners off limits for them.

Reminder: Before you confront him, see a capable divorce lawyer.

Mr. Cohen practices law in New York State. This blog does not and should not be construed to give legal advice in connection with any of the subject matter contained herein. You must always seek to speak with your own lawyer for legal advice.

160 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

I´m a little slow today, therefore the double post. I just realized that even if we aren´t related you might know some of my relatives. Some of them live in a small town called Greene.

By Jane Cougar Melonhat on 08/26/2008 2:56 pm

Okay Meloncap, you have officially become amazing. Greene is not too far from the itsy bitsy town where I grew up. If you have heard of Sidney, New York (you need an electron microscope to find it on a map) or Oneonta, I will tell you my last name offline.

By kermie b on 08/27/2008 12:00 am

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Rats, now I blew the amazing part! No, sorry, I don´t know those two. I visited my relatives 15 years ago and they took me to all kinds of places and I´m sure we passed through or passed by, but there was so much information, so much to see that I couldn´t keep track. I liked the scenery a lot. Reminded me a lot of where I live and I could definitely see why my ancestors would have chosen to live there. Anyway, I´m still intrigued (sp?) with this whole thing. You still might know my relatives. I will have to ask my cousin if she knows people from Sidney or Oneota (if that is okay with you).

By Jane Cougar Melonhat on 08/27/2008 1:02 am

Of course! Hey, you can keep the amazing part. The mountains are so relaxing, aren’t they? Oneonta is Native American for “City of the Hills.” I had very strong legs when I was younger, walking those hills. I walked for miles almost daily or rode my bike. I’ve never had to own a car but I got a driver’s license in a fit of pique when my sister asked me why I didn’t drive. I showed her the license I got in the city (if you can drive in NYC, you can drive anywhere) and that stopped the comments. There is public transportation, so I never felt the need for a car. Between that and being a vegetarian, I feel I have really reduced my carbon footprint. What was the question again? Oh yeah. All cats with melonhats are amazing, by definition. I guess I got off-topic.

By kermie b on 08/27/2008 1:34 am

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So are little green frogs named Kermie! I think, I don´t really have to mention that I did a lot of outdoor stuff, too, when I was a kid, do I? And I finally found a difference between us: I didn´t get my driver´s license in NYC!

By Jane Cougar Melonhat on 08/27/2008 2:01 am

Hey, Kermie, cuz mailed me and told me that of course she knew Sidney and Oneonta (“Duh!”) and that her daughter went to college in O. But apparently we don´t have any relatives there :-( How´s your sleep tonight?

By Jane Cougar Melonhat on 08/28/2008 12:23 am

Hey Melonhat—I crashed last night after work. I just woke up and saw your message! Your cousin’s daughter went to school in Oneonta? That’s my alma mater. The State University at Oneonta. Class of ‘78.

By kermie b on 08/28/2008 12:32 pm

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Whew, good to see you, Kermie. I was a little worried because you didn´t answer. Without my daily frog report something´s missing. Yep, my cousin´s daughter went to Oneonta. But I got no clue which Class of which year. I think she´s in her early thirties. I think my cousin thinks I´m completely nuts now. She didn´t say it in so many words but I could totally tell. I´m quite positive now that I never was in Sydney or Oneonta, but I plan to visit her next year and you bet that I will drop by just for the fun of it. (I think she thinks? God, I´m so eloquent today!)

By Jane Cougar Melonhat on 08/28/2008 1:08 pm

Oh, Melonhat—you are great. It’s funny you should say frog report, because on Sesame Street, Kermie was the intrepid reporter (remember?) in a trenchcoat and hat. I think we are the only ones keeping this thread going.

By kermie b on 08/28/2008 1:37 pm

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I´m a genius and I don´t even know it! Yes, Kermit the reporter, now I remember! I think (once again) that this is our own private conversation thread. It feels like we´re in some hidden corner of the site where nobody else can see us or people who notice us just have a peek and tiptoe away because they don´t want to disturb our little chat. Sometimes I wish wOw would provide a feature where you can have private chats. The threads tend to go off topic because so many people come up with other stuff that is important to them. I know other forums provide personal threads for their members. That helps to keep things in order. Listen to me, the most unorganized person in the world talking about keeping order!

By Jane Cougar Melonhat on 08/28/2008 1:54 pm

Say, if you want to write me, no pressure here, my email is kbok5@yahoo.com. I’ll tell you my real name and maybe we can figure this out. Bye for now. ki b

By kermie b on 08/28/2008 1:50 pm

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I will ask this question of every woman that has ever been cheated on - Didn’t you know in your gut BEFORE you started looking for signs? Isn’t the fact that you are looking for signs just a way to confirm what you already know? I knew - didn’t want to know - but I knew.

By Maggi D on 08/21/2008 3:20 am