Relationships | 08/21/2008 12:00 am

Five Ways To Know That Your Husband May Be Looking Elsewhere

By Robert Stephan Cohen

Editor’s Note: Robert Stephan Cohen, a partner in Cohen Lans, LLP, is one of the top divorce attorneys in the United States, having just successfully represented Christie Brinkley in her landmark custody battle this summer. Past clients include Uma Thurman, Lorraine Bracco and various Trump wives. He is the author of Reconcilable Differences: 7 Keys to Remaining Together from a Top Matrimonial Lawyer.

1. If your husband has blocks of unaccounted-for time, especially in the evening or on weekends, beware.

2. If there is a family computer, log on and see what the search history, sites visited or navigation history and e-mail trails suggest. Find out where your "cache" is on your Internet browser and see if it is being cleared regularly; it may suggest he is trying to hide what sites he’s been visiting. Anything strange. There are laws affecting computer access and you should check with a qualified professional.

3. Check his cell phone calls if the bills come home to determine whether there are unfamiliar repeat calls. If the bills don’t come home, wonder why.

4. If he starts talking about a woman at the office or someone he met — even in an innocuous way — it suggests he has another interest.

5. If his sexual appetite with you wanes or changes in a material way it may be the beginning. My experience, however, is that it is easier for men to engage in sex with their spouse and others in the same time frame. It’s usually a dead giveaway when women stop having sex with their mate. They are wired in a way that generally makes multiple sex partners off limits for them.

Reminder: Before you confront him, see a capable divorce lawyer.

Mr. Cohen practices law in New York State. This blog does not and should not be construed to give legal advice in connection with any of the subject matter contained herein. You must always seek to speak with your own lawyer for legal advice.

160 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Love your nagging lol I will I will I will! I just threw that out to get a response and lookee who popped up :-)

By Frank Peterson on 08/21/2008 5:39 pm

You know I’m not going to let you get away with that kind of thinking. Glad to see you were putting us on. Yes, sometimes people think I can get a bit firey. When I would start getting wound up with one of my diatribes or sermons, Bill would whisper…down, down, White Fang.

By Diana T on 08/21/2008 8:59 pm

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That may come back to haunt you White Fang :-)

By Frank Peterson on 08/21/2008 9:14 pm

No, not really, because no one would ever have the nerve to call me that. And, I wouldn’t let them…..

By Diana T on 08/21/2008 9:21 pm

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Exactly, Diana. I contend that if a woman isn’t interested in the bedroom scene (which men often seem to complain about), then perhaps the man in question is doing something wrong.

By Eliza S on 08/21/2008 6:33 pm

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Or vice versa

By Frank Peterson on 08/21/2008 7:26 pm

Now, now…..

By Diana T on 08/21/2008 9:02 pm

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My theory is, Diana, that an equal or near equal amount of both women and men cheat. Accept it or not. I’ve seen too much of it happen in my long life.

By Frank Peterson on 08/21/2008 9:12 pm

Oh, I think so too, Frank. I was out there in the work force for a lonnnnng time, and saw a lot from both sides. However, I think the men are probably more promiscuous because, let’s face it, when a woman finishes the work day, guess what she does….kids, laundry, dust, scrub, iron, vacumn… And, that just may be one reason that by the time she gets to bed she is worn out.

By Diana T on 08/21/2008 9:20 pm

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And that is precisely what my mother talk bot h her sons not to do—sit around while the woman does the work—we were taught to cook, clean, etc When mom spoke we listened—we had to she worked 3-11 5 nights a week and we did our own laundry and ironing. Andy man can’t do that is not much a man in estimation. I don’t care what he does for work—equal means equal in a marriage

By Frank Peterson on 08/21/2008 9:29 pm

Amen to that!!

By Diana T on 08/21/2008 9:34 pm

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Oh, Frank and Diana. I don’t always agree with either of you, but, I always like you. We should have drinks sometimes. Just the three of us. That’s the Canadian Way.

By Eliza S on 08/22/2008 1:12 am

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My observation has been that there are two type of men; those who will stray and those who won’t. Most are the former. That said, I know many marriages which have survived infidelity. I think that marriages which do not survive a cheating spouse are marriage which are broke in other areas - general incompatibility, not enough shared interests, absence of real passion for one another, financial strain, absence of true friendship and respect for each other, alcohol abuse, mental/emotion health issues, etc… The point is, I believe that infidelity alone does not mean that a marriage will ultimately falter. And, if two people are truly spiritually connected forgiveness of adultury is possible.

By Maizie James on 08/21/2008 2:28 pm

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Trust is essential in any relationship however, you can trust a cheater all day long and it won’t keep him or her from cheating if they are that type. I don’t think Robert Cohen is suggesting that everyone “check up” on their mate. If someone is being cheating on I think they have a “feeling” that something isn’t right. Robert is suggesting ways to find out what you may think you know.

By My Two Cents on 08/21/2008 3:23 pm

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You know when you husband may be cheatiing if he suddenly starts wearing new, more attractive underwear, i.e., briefs instead of boxers. I had a boyfriend who was married and he did that when he started cheating with me, and he did it again when he starated cheating on me with someone else! I know, I got what I deserved!

By elaine s on 08/21/2008 4:26 pm