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Relationships | 08/21/2008 12:00 am

Five Ways To Know That Your Husband May Be Looking Elsewhere

By Robert Stephan Cohen
© iStock

 

Editor’s Note: Robert Stephan Cohen, a partner in Cohen Lans, LLP, is one of the top divorce attorneys in the United States, having just successfully represented Christie Brinkley in her landmark custody battle this summer. Past clients include Uma Thurman, Lorraine Bracco and various Trump wives. He is the author of Reconcilable Differences: 7 Keys to Remaining Together from a Top Matrimonial Lawyer.


1. If your husband has blocks of unaccounted-for time, especially in the evening or on weekends, beware.

2. If there is a family computer, log on and see what the search history, sites visited or navigation history and e-mail trails suggest. Find out where your "cache" is on your Internet browser and see if it is being cleared regularly; it may suggest he is trying to hide what sites he’s been visiting. Anything strange. There are laws affecting computer access and you should check with a qualified professional.

3. Check his cell phone calls if the bills come home to determine whether there are unfamiliar repeat calls. If the bills don’t come home, wonder why.

4. If he starts talking about a woman at the office or someone he met — even in an innocuous way — it suggests he has another interest.

5. If his sexual appetite with you wanes or changes in a material way it may be the beginning. My experience, however, is that it is easier for men to engage in sex with their spouse and others in the same time frame. It’s usually a dead giveaway when women stop having sex with their mate. They are wired in a way that generally makes multiple sex partners off limits for them.

Reminder: Before you confront him, see a capable divorce lawyer.

Mr. Cohen practices law in New York State. This blog does not and should not be construed to give legal advice in connection with any of the subject matter contained herein. You must always seek to speak with your own lawyer for legal advice. 

160 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Lorraine Bates
Not trying to minimize your pain or your experiences, Elaine, but new underwear? Who knew men were so worried about their undergarments!
By Lorraine Bates on 08/21/2008 4:41 pm
elaine s
Yes, it’s true and also funny. They want to look good just like we do! All the time we were married, up until the end, I had to endure toe boxers!
By elaine s on 08/21/2008 4:45 pm
elaine s
I meant to say THE boxers. I don’t know what toe boxers might be, but I don’t even want to think about it.
By elaine s on 08/21/2008 4:46 pm
James the Game
I’ve never worn boxers, other than boxing gloves. 8-{
By James the Game on 08/21/2008 6:01 pm
K O
Uh oh. Mr. Kitty’s birthday is coming up, and he asked for new underwear. I’m off to check his cell phone and emails…
By K O on 08/21/2008 5:57 pm
Diana T
You are correct, Elaine. And, may I add when all the sudden they lose weight and start working out, get a new haircut, and become aware of their grooming. And, when they seem “far away” when you are talking to them.
By Diana T on 08/21/2008 5:31 pm
No Way-No How -No McCain
Diana, Or when your second husband comes out into the foyer on Thanksgiving morning with his Louie V and says “See you on Monday” when you are supposed to be at the family dinner that evening. That’s a clue…..Just guessing.
By No Way-No How -No McCain on 08/21/2008 7:55 pm
Diana T
I’ve been there, done that, too. Second husband’s name never, never touches my lips or utters from my vocal cords. Every time I run into my old therapist(1978, long time ago) on social occasions, he always says, Diana how in the hell did you ever get yourself in that mess? I always tell him it happened before I met him and grew up.
By Diana T on 08/21/2008 8:42 pm
No Way-No How -No McCain
Diana…For me, we had a lot of fun, he was a great guy in many ways and quite an experience and c’est la vie. We remain friends. I wasn’t the one who wanted to be married in the first place and my brother who just died warned me not to, “You just go with the fancy cars…marry Dick.” But Dick wasn’t exciting my 2nd husband was. Live is to be lived and I lived it….good and bad.
By No Way-No How -No McCain on 08/21/2008 8:56 pm
Lena B
That is the classic example of running into the wall. His (or her) hormones could not allow him to maintain a family commitment and he really needs to see his outside woman and crash! At that point, it’s time to start checking him out. But, the first mistake most women make is NOT asking him upfront if he’s cheating. Treating infidelity as a covert operation is silly. Let him know that he’d better stand down immediately. He will either get a grip or the marriage is over—period.
By Lena B on 08/22/2008 8:45 am
Don Larsen
I hardly want to sound like that idiot Mark Klein but there needs to be some consideration in there as to the woman’s attitude, interest, etc.
By Don Larsen on 08/21/2008 7:11 pm
No Way-No How -No McCain
Don, I agree—it’s a two-way street. Now I need to post apropos Here’s to Love vid! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N05yaZFY2O8
By No Way-No How -No McCain on 08/21/2008 7:58 pm
Diana T
Winery, that was sooo cute! Renee is very versatile, isn’t she. Thank you for brightening my evening.
By Diana T on 08/21/2008 9:13 pm
No Way-No How -No McCain
Diana, So perfectly styled…really love the colors, movement, set..all great.
By No Way-No How -No McCain on 08/22/2008 12:15 am
Micky Mc
I used to “wonder” when my hubby would come home and talk about some woman at work, I would grill him and get all suspicious. He would reassure me and life would go on. We stopped having regular “relations” and I moved out of our bedroom because “he snores.” He would reassure me and life would go on. I made him take a cell phone to work so I could call him when ever I wanted to…then checked it for “other” calls. He reassured me and life went on. His blocks of time that he did have free were spent in the garage working on my car or his hobby. I felt ignored, he reassured me and life went on. He built this great computer so I could have it to play with and do work on, and then when he did stuff, I got suspicious and did the “history” thing and all. He reassured me and life went on. Then he died….and I realized what a GREAT man I had…who will reassure me now? And will life go on?
By Micky Mc on 08/21/2008 8:02 pm