Editor’s Note: Who is the wisest of them all? Who is more dedicated to your pleasure than anyone on earth? Who can help you when you’re going online for the first time to find love; or when your lover’s children hate you; or when you want to strangle your husband? Why, the Love Goddess, of course. She promises nothing less than celestial wisdom, heavenly sex, divine dating. Read on …

I am talking to ten women, the youngest is 26 and the oldest, 66. We are talking about something researchers call the "sexual peak" — you know, that moment in your life when you feel as if your love emanates from you. You’re vibrating with it.

The 44-year old woman says she’s reached hers just now. Sexually active throughout her 20s but not emotionally secure till now, feels she’s scaled a kind of developmental  Mt. Everest — brimming with sexual energy, with a lover who loves her and can handle it; no small children to interrupt. And yet, she says, nothing marks her arrival at this sexual summit! Where, she wonders, are the perfectly simultaneous orgasms? The mini-explosions in some as-yet-unawakened region of her lower body? The gold star to celebrate her triumphant appearance at the pinnacle of her sexuality?  

And there’s the rub: The term “sexual peak” is anxiety-provoking and always will be. Researchers find that males have their greatest number of orgasms in adolescence and their early 20s, while females have theirs between their mid-20s and mid-40s. And that young men’s orgasms are closer together than older men’s. But their findings are a numbers game, an orgasm totaling, not anything loftier or deeper.

When collecting statistics about a young man, for example, every orgasm he has is counted in — it doesn’t matter whether it occurs as a result of masturbation, nocturnal emission or intercourse. Does the data include whether he had a good time? No. Whether he liked or loved his partner (if he had one)? Whether he learned anything about love? Whether he was stoned? Nope.

So we’re not talking profundity here, nor prowess, nor passion — just plain physiology. The word "joy" isn’t in this picture. (Hell, the word "partner" isn’t either.) The kind of peak I want includes connection and closeness; it’s qualitative, not quantitative. It’s got a partner. It’s an erotic peak, not just a sexual one.

What’s most relevant to an erotic peak? "Confidence," say the older women. Comfort in your body and with your partner (as opposed to the momentary great sex you had with an army corporal who scared you; who didn’t even like you). A dropping of old defenses (from "I’m fat" to "I don’t believe in fantasizing, or in sex toys" or whatever). A feeling of being in it together (whether the "it" is sexual experimentation alone, or your whole life — that sense of following the same narrative, being in the same story); understanding how powerful your bodies are at any age in the service of your mutual pleasure. As the oldest woman in the group, the 66-year-old said, "I have it in me to reach the heights. My partner and I fine-tune slowly, patiently, with the knowledge that we both have the goods." 

The erotic peak is not about winning that gold star; it’s about knowing you don’t have to — that erotic love goes on and on and on …

TLG

Like all savvy goddesses, the Love Goddess has her own blog, which can be visited by clicking here.