Or–––––she could get a cat that loves her a lot.

She is an amazing writer….so distinctive….and what I really like is her writing is so intelligent and gripping about pop culture themes when often these things are handled superficially.

Well I didn’t mean it as contempt or a lecture. The question was how is this lady going to break her destructive cycle. It’s about health. And my perspective is based on having been primarily interested in nutrition/fitness since a child, and also having had a career where I saw a tremendous amount of consequences to this kind of behavior. Our “Fast Food Nation” diets (very good book) are extremely damaging to the planet and our lives. It’s so easy to slip into without awareness because it is reinforced constantly by images, advertising, personal habits. ie “Things go better with coke” is a catchy slogan for something that has zero nutrition, is loaded with calories and has basically no upside if concerned about personal and planet wellbeing. So we all have free choice in what we want to believe and practice. To me when someone is in a cycle like the lady in this story she is headed for a heart attack, adult diabetes etc. It’s a description is of addictive behavior and when change one part in that cycle changes a lot can change. If people want to cozy up to their addictions instead of face and resolve them—that is their choice. I have one set of beliefs based on a great deal of observation and was saying how I think this lady in the story could stop her cycle. My best friend is one of the smartest women I’ve ever met. A Harvard MBA with all the trimmings. Her daughter and I tried to improve her diet 15 years ago, but we gave up—that’s her. The intervening years have been one long health crisis and endless doctors visits/hospital stays. My grandmother used to say ‘eat good food or pay the doctor.’ She lives in a rural beach town and now her driver’s license has been taken away because she’s had strokes…another consequence…having to hire someone to live with her and drive for her when she values her privacy. I wonder how things might have been different if 15 years ago she learned to cook healthy things instead of living exclusively on the opposite. So, whatever…I can’t even imagine eating like the woman in the story, it’s frightening. To me she needs a lot of information and a better way. But like all of us she has choices. Bigger pants and a cat are another approach.

Gianna— I think people’s own disempowering emotions are what is very harsh and that the self-diminishing core beliefs are at the root of the problem. I feel very symphathetic to people with weight (or other) problems because life is challenging enough. But they have a choice to accept and live with it, or beat themselves up (just more damage), or decide to find another way. For my money the last is heroic and deserves a lot of respect. As the expression goes ‘the greenest garlands go to the hardest won races.” When someone walks out on a stage as the visible ‘after’ (Oprah still looked good even when she was way overweight but she was miserable) everyone can appreciate what a victory it is. I made a career of solving problems and had a lot dropped into my life also to handle….generally my way is to stare cause and effect in the face, get very clear about what’s going on, what is needed to fix it, and act. A person can be self-supporting while changing a behavior—these are not mutually exclusive—and at the same time be very honest and clear about all the destructiveness. To me a bit of detachment on the clarity makes things easier to change: These are all of the costs, all of the consequences, and over here is the picture of what I want. Now what needs to be done to get there, first it is the core beliefs. What do we believe that causes us to act in this manner. And what would we need to believe to act differently I think that beating oneself up, feeling bad, so counter-productive and useless. To me better to methodically examine everything and get on with it. Decide. am I going to just accept this. Great. Stop talking about it and accept it. Am I going to change. Great. Decide. this is it, no more. And then find all the facts needed to support your decision to change. I’ve thought for decades that probably it would be a good idea to be a vegetarian. But I never had enough facts to bolster my believe that I could do it, and that it was really an imperative if I’m going to walk my talk. When I did the research for an article, my beliefs changed that day. I will never eat meat again. the only thing that changed in decades of thinking I should and actually doing it was enough information to make the change. Yes, I’ve seen the hording and that was my point it often extends throughout every area of life because it is a symptom of a root cause. When get quality information, clairity on beliefs (maybe by daily journaling every AM) take walks in the fresh air, get rid of the stale old ways of thinking and being, change habits, and move on. “This behavior is as difficult to overcome”—this is a self-limiting belief that makes things difficult. I think Iris is someone here who also did the firewalk—that is a very powerful metaphor and demonstration about beliefs. You look at 2,000 degree hot coals and your entire body recoils. There is no possible way that you can walk across that without winding up with bloody stumps. Then you go back in and learn how (no trick, it’s real) and then do it. And you see how much we limit ourselves by what we falsely believe we can do. People have different frames from their family, their local culture, and their inherent cognitive style. Mine may say something very different from yours—I don’t think it’s harsh just let’s get real and get this solved and move on. My younger sister didn’t speak to me for a year because she was having problems with her husband and would call me and go on and on constantly repeating the same thing. I finally got exasperated and said, “You know, when you keep doing the same thing and expect a different result this isn’t a problem —it’s a lifestyle.” She banged the phone down and they moved to the carribean…she got to see real poverty and went back to school for an MA and became a school pyschologist in a very poor, rough area. she’s been doing it for years and loves it. and also remarried someone who shares the same values and is crazy about her. they bought a beautiful home and have been extremely happy for the last decade. After Obama is elected….am still moving to France….because that is where my son is and that is my true home. sorry this is rushed and unedited. I emphatheic with other peoples problems, but have little patience with complaining about situations and no well thought action to change. Just from being in a cast for 4 months and no exercise I see the energy it takes to ramp back up to where I was, so understand it requires extra energy and focus for awhile. Just like getting a plane off the ground…then it cruises along. Can you imagine if the process was fraught every time with a energy-draining distracting discussion by the captain/co-captain/flight engineer etc.”Can we make it, I don’t think we’ll make it, it’s so hard, the winds, I didn;t get my paycheck, my wife’s mad at me, oh, I hate this, why did I choose this career, there’s no air in here, we just keep flying the same damn route, my legs are cramped” etc. No.They get in. They have a plan. And they go for it full out. To me that’s effective. Do you think Sheila is tricking us. Everyone knows this is an emotional issue so we become part of the story. Are we the two sides of the protagonist’s mind arguing with herself? Pretty funny. I think so.