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Sheila Nevins | 06/12/2008 12:00 am

Losing One Thousand Two Hundred and Fifty Pounds

© Shutterstock

An Interactive Fiction

How Ann Marie lost the same 25 pounds again, and again. Please help her.


Ann Marie had lost some twelve-hundred-and-fifty pounds over the course of some fifty years
Not at once but
In an eternal draconian struggle with the same
Twenty-five pounds.
Fiercely attacking this poundage with
Doctors of various specialties
Psychiatrists, hypnotists, and a
Variety of obesity gurus.
She had subjected herself to various weight-loss schemes, pills, and mixes offering
Fat people miraculously gone
Skinny
Proudly wearing bathing suits.
She had herself been a before and after picture
More times than she could count her lifetime of calories.

Yet despite it all,
The lure of a potato chip, pecan pie or
Mousse au Chocolat would
Overcome her resolve which had allowed her to
Duel against corporate America, wrinkles, and ill-tempered offspring.
She could control almost anything in her
Destiny, but
The lure of a provocative food destroyed all restraint.

What was she to do?

She began each day thinking thin and thin-king each day
Was the beginning of the rest of her new
Life. But —
As soon as anything turned sour,
A bit less than perfect; i.e.,
A nose pimple, an erratic child
An error in any calculation
She became obsessed with the idea of
Something welcoming and good to
Eat.

Now she worked with women who forgot
Lunch. But – not Ann Marie, for
As soon as the big hand hit 12 and the
Little hand affectionately touched it,
She became fixated on what she would munch-lunch
On.

Since her grandparents had miraculously
Survived the pogroms in Russia
She thought she might be the victim of a DNA
Alteration producing panic over
Starvation. This was the only way
She could justify these obsessive
Cravings.

As for a plate of cookies
One was never enough. If she had one
She had them all and this was her
Downfall.
Married to Jack Sprat
(He took a bite of a cookie and
Saved the rest for later)
Loving him mostly,
She detested this stingy part
Of his personality.
For him a box of cookies could
Last forever.
For her it was a matter of completion
And, to her credit, she always completed a task.

On Thanksgiving Day
She brought home
A twenty-five-pound turkey
She realized suddenly the visual horror of this extra weight.
She stared at the menacing bird that
Stared back at her. "I’m this turkey,"
She thought "I could feed a family of four … with leftovers."
She felt self-loathing and disgust at her excess
Submerging her misery by
Eating a large bowl of nutty cranberry
Sauce
While waiting for the bird to deservedly
Roast.

One day she relieved her
Crotch itch by buying big pants.
She stopped her blouse buttons from
Separating by
Buying over-sized blouses.
Catching a glimpse of herself in the
Mirror she hated the largesse of what
She saw and promised
Herself that tomorrow could/would be another
Skinny day-starter.

But the very next day in the
Cafeteria line
She was obsessed with the smell and look of shoestring fries
Passing the celery by without a
Whiff.
Again and again, this behavior re-occurred
There was no hope for Ann Marie
For once she had surrendered to potatoes at lunch
Her diet-day was ruined.

With abandon
She gorged herself on
A Banana Split
3 scoops of coffee ice cream
4 puffs of whipped cream
7 mixed nuts
8 ounces of hot fudge — never enough
1 cherry on top
She ate this alone
Shielding her pig-out from her human workmates
Who previously had thought so highly of her.

Yet, ever hopeful — that night,
As she sinned herself to sleep
With some left-over Halloween frozen Reese’s Pieces,
She vowed to think thin.
And as she prayed the Lord her soul to keep
She whispered aloud to herself,
"Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my skinny life."

Would she make it a thin one?

 

Read more about: Diet, Fiction, Health

65 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Star Lawrence
I meant, “my” good eye…oh, whatEVER. You go, Lily—I am on your side on this! I have heard the world according to Suzanne or To tbe Beach or whoever…before.
By Star Lawrence on 06/16/2008 10:36 am
To the beach ~~~
I didn’t dispute they do….I’m familiar with her, and with all the choices available in the world, someone who rec’d her masters degree in social work a few years ago isn’t going to be on my list of people to read.
By To the beach ~~~ on 06/17/2008 5:50 am
To the beach ~~~
Lily/Star, How is there a side? It’s a thread with opinions. Is someone going to vote? I didn’t know it was a contest. And you aren’t the only people in the world who get the complexities of eating disorders. And Collette Dowling’s recent social work degree/LMSW in the last couple of years , her very basic blog with links that don’t work, and her poorly written articles like this one: http://www.womens-wellbeing-and-mental-health.com/CompulsiveEating.html are not impressive. Serotonin imbalances in eating disorders are not news, that’s elementary from the 60s, and depressions v anorexia are misdiagnosed all the time…….people often overeat/don’t eat based on depression, which doesn’t necessarily mean they have an eating disorder. A person can get more and better information for free from the UCSF Eating Disorder Clinic website, newsletter, and free library. http://www.ucsfhealth.org/common/pubs/childrensnews/summer2007/eating/in… UCSF is rated the #7 top medical center in the US with an first rank Eating Disorder program and in their latest newsletter discuss how patients and thoroughly screened to ensure the depression vs the anorexia aren’t misdiagnosed. Collette Dowling is not a doctor, or even an RN, nor a nutritionist, she’s a social worker with a recent Masters and license…. I don’t know any mother who would chose an LMSW social worker when dealing with the serious eating disorder of their child, like my friend’s family whose spent hundreds of thousands in treatments over the last 3-5 years keeping their daughter alive, they might chose an LMSW after diagnosis to manage a treatment plan. And one of my friends is an atty/RN who is assigned case management of mostly very rich women after they are found incapable of managing their health and affairs, many have serious eating disorders that then create all sorts of other medical problems, and her job is to manage everything because it gets quite complex. And hopefully no one with an eating disorder is self-prescribing doses of sorotonin believing that because can buy it off the shelf can’t overdose, because too much can cause plumonary problems, just as people take too much Niacin to get a ‘Niacin flush’ and wind up in the ER with dangerously low blood pressure. etc I don’t live in the woods of (Canada?) I live in a City where I’ve managed major projects with some of the premier surgeons. doctors, therapists and researchers the US at UCSF, and UCLA Medical Center one of the best in the world. And I’m not so close-minded that I would think any one lone writer (with a recent degree) holds any kind of magic rubic in view of the mass of research, clinical trials, and treatment modalities that have arisen in the last few years. But you’re comfortable arguing for limited views— terrific. To each their own. It’s interesting how facts from the American Cancer Society’s report based on 4,500 studies from 41 states, or from the Surgeon General don’t get in the way of snide remarks.
By To the beach ~~~ on 06/17/2008 7:15 am
Star Lawrence
Maybe “side” is not the right word. I agree with whoever is saying these lectures are not very enlightening and are preachy and judgmental. As you say—to each her own.
By Star Lawrence on 06/17/2008 9:47 am
To the beach ~~~
Well Star, I don’t feel judgemental but am willing take time to retrieve info and post it and then other grownups can decide if there is any value in it or not. I have a strong interest in this area, feel very sorry for people who are ruining their health because I’ve seen a ton of results. Not very enlightening….the new American Cancer Society diet based on 4,500 studies, threads to the top Eating Disorder programs in the US where people can get info for free, etc, is not enlightening. Star, you seem like a nice woman. I wonder why so many of your comments are so cynical.
By To the beach ~~~ on 06/17/2008 2:11 pm
Star Lawrence
I am not cynical—-realistic and informed. I also have been a health writer for WebMD for years and years. Most of this stuff is well known and often is contradicted as time goes on. I guess I am in the non-grownup category…one way to look younger! Everyone dies of something—no one healthens to death.
By Star Lawrence on 06/17/2008 5:29 pm
Get Sporty
Star, Like your fluffy hair. “No one healthens to death.” No, they just torment and starve me of Gouda cheese. I’ll open that fridge yet. Yours in youthful fluffiness, Fluffy
By Get Sporty on 06/17/2008 7:16 pm
Star Lawrence
That pix showed the ravages of a bad perm—all damage turned into a style. My hair is long and wavy now. For those who are interested in the nutrition discussion (!), they are discussing this subject of repeated weight losses on the NYT health blog in the context of some opera singer who lost 100 lbs. Many commenters seem to be commenting that no matter how many veggies you eat, sometimes weight stops being lost and finds you again.
By Star Lawrence on 06/18/2008 9:15 am
Peg O my heart
Star - I like that, even if it’s a typo! Very evocotive, I’m gonna use it!!
By Peg O my heart on 06/17/2008 10:22 pm
To the beach ~~~
Some even consider him a sham.” I read it. SHAM was used in the criticism by some unknown creating his own acronym meaning Self Help Actualization Movement.. Charlie Rose is delighted to have Robbins on the show. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5070588292701651217 Larry King features him on New Year’s Eve: http://www.energiseforlife.com/wordpress/2106/tony-robbins-interview-on-… Why he’s one the 1,000 on Ted Talks which is reserved for the top thinker and doers in the world today, Al Gore among them and even with his Nobel Prize, Oscar, Palme d’Or, his foundations and Green Tech VC Groups, and film and best selling books etc….there are people on this site that would label him a sham. Robbins foundation is rated four of a possible four by an organization that rates all charities. He’s been featured in Forbes, Fortune on ‘best of lists’ and has advised the US Army and Marines, a large number of CEOs, Reagan, Clinton, Gorbachev, Princess Diana, Nelson Mandela, Mikhail Gorbachev, Bill Clinton, Margaret Thatcher, Francois Mitterand, and spoken a Harvard Business Shcool, etc. People who’ve endorsed his work without compensation include Fran Tarkenton, Quincy Jones, Erin Brockovich, Anthony Hopkins. Guest speakers at his events have included has Deepak Chopra and John Gray “Women are From Venus, Men From Mars” etc He bought a hospital for Mother Teresa, he feeds over 2 million people a year, and does prison outreach, and he makes $30M+ a year and all his books are best sellers because he’s effective. Since the 80s I’ve gone to hundreds of university talks and have worked with some of the best, like Norman Cousins. I went to a $600 all day talk of Tony Robbins, 1600 attended, many from out of state. He’s one of the most impressive speakers I’ve ever heard. And I went back to do the firewalk.
By To the beach ~~~ on 06/17/2008 5:46 am
Vicki Butler
A fool and their money are soon parted.
By Vicki Butler on 06/17/2008 4:11 pm