Sheila Nevins | 05/22/2008 6:14 pm

To Lose a Child

A Poem

Based on a personal experience, a poem to honor mothers who have lost their children in Myanmar and Sichuan. Is there a worse pain than the loss of a child?

To Lose a Child

I watched my friend suffer
When her child died
And I knew that she would die
Though Breathing
For the rest of her life.

Your child’s pain is greater
Than your pain
The agony of birthing repeated
With the slightest wound
To this soul of your soul.

Baby has a fever
Mommy’s heart stops
But death
Is unspeakable heat
Burning fire forever
Never to be put out.

My friend is lost to this world
She has left with her child
There is no sorrowful song
No possible symphony
The shriek of the dirge would empty
The concert hall.

I watched my friend suffer
When her child died
And I knew that she would die
Though Breathing
For the rest of her life.

Read more about: Death, Myanmar, Parenting, Poetry, Sichuan

80 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

I saw a story on how the one-child rule in China has made these horrible events even worse—and it showed a pictore of a sobbing couple holding their child’s body wrapped in plastic sheeting. I burst into tears…I cannot even imagine the pain of this world sometimes. How do we get through any of this?

By Star Lawrence on 05/22/2008 10:17 am

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Thank you for this beautiful sentiment, Star. Touching words, unfathomable grief and a poignant question.

By K O on 05/22/2008 10:55 am

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Shiela: ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL,and…ABSOLUTELY TRUE.No greater pain,you just make yourself move forward ,live the best to your ability and realize life is never quite the same.Apoem from our church family helped,it speaks of children being on loan from God,and as he needs them he calls when he is ready.I think of Steven Curtis Chapman today and pray for his family along with the other parents all over the world as we share this grief with them.Hug your children a little tighter today and ALWAYS remember they are a GIFT!!!!! God Bless,KH

By kathy hurt on 05/22/2008 10:20 am

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Kathy, Your words mirror the way my friend has handled this tragedy when she lost her son to brain cancer 2 months before his 16th birthday. She held herself together and is living her life to the best of her ability, and hugs her daughter and grandchildren tightly.

By Brooklyn Gal on 05/22/2008 10:37 am

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There is nothing worse than having something happen to one of your children. Thankfully, my son, Mark, was not killed by the drunk driver who hit the car he was riding in, but I did not know whether he would or would not live for a couple of weeks. Now he is alive with a traumatic brain injury that took from him the life he had worked so hard for and determinedly intended to live — as a famous drummer. But who knows, he was so strong-willed, so self-disciplined and persistent, and such a ham — or scuse me, Mark — such a performer (He really was). He is also tall, dark and handsome. After the first five years after the accident when, as my daughter said, all my time, energy and thought went to Mark’s situation, I knew that I had to find a way for him — and me — to have a life. I’m still battling that battle, jumping back and forth across the line — for him, for me, for my daughter and grandsun. Even so, as hard as it has been, I am glad, for me, that this incredible child is still alive. I’m trying to help him be glad, too. Not no easy task, but we’re, well me, are working on it. The life of your child matters so much; to see them hurt is beyond words.

By Jenny Oops on 05/23/2008 1:20 am

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My poem about one difficult period in the early years after the accident. Shattered Son You slam your manhood against these walls, shake this house and threaten our foundation. And, yet, I understand. I watched it grow; chucked it to a tempered beat that rolled like mercury underneath your skin, this sinewy vibration that hums this ancient song and coils — a golden snake, eager to unfold. This tamed, untamed pronouncement that bellows; This careful mold once formed and held to shape by some fine- tuned, magic will now confused and trapped in crushed and severed cells. This ancient tune that roams your spine and howls against submission. Be still my son, I cannot hold these walls. C Jenny Houston, Fairfax, California, August, 1987 P.S. Some people might see sexual intonations in this poem. I was not physically attracted to my son, it was his intelligence and power that I loved. Just thought I outta be clear! :):):)

By Jenny Oops on 05/23/2008 1:37 am

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Jenny Oops…your P.S. is unnecessary. Beautiful poem. I think many mothers see the best of manhood in our sons. I can’t imagine the challenges facing you and your son, but wow, I applaud your courage.

By Ms. Dee on 05/23/2008 1:41 pm

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Thanx for your kind words, Ms. Dee. We’re having a bit of a problem at our house right now — Mark’s depressed and I’m overwhelmed. So support like yours feels very good! :):):) I got so mad at the world last night, I was up until 4:00 a.m. this morning. Fussin n fumin, ranting and raving, cussiin and duming — all by myself. Even Emmy de grouchy Himaylan went to bed; zumtimes I think that cat usless. Up early today, stirring up trouble and prying loose solutions for both of us — for all of us in the TBI community. Thanx again.

By Jenny Oops on 05/24/2008 7:28 pm

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Thank you Jenny for your kind words……..I can understand your plight. I also have a 19 year old granddaughter who has epilepsy and is terribly disabled. She’s had brain separation surgery to try to stop the seizures but that hasn’t worked. I try to understand why…….I can only believe that there are lessons to be learned by the trauma’s sent our way. I try to be a more enlightened being and hope I’m a good student. Thank you and Beth both for your understanding. I was numbed by the comment Sabrina made.

By Dona Howlett on 05/24/2008 11:02 pm

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There is no greater pain. As I read this poem, tears ran down my face. In sympathy for all those lost. Our granddaughter lost her only son, 19 years old, in a horrific accident, on April 3, 2006. Five weeks later on May 8th, our grandson and his wife lost their newborn - perfect in every apparent way - no reason for the death, according to the doctor. They are buried side by side. It is so difficult to understand why someone so young should be taken. The hopes and dreams unfulfilled. There is no way to express the sorrow, the emptiness. The saving grace for our family is that we are christians and we believe in eternal life through Jesus Christ. It’s the only way possible for us to carry on. My heart aches for every person who has ever lost a child. It is the hardest thing required in life.

By Estimada C on 05/22/2008 10:38 am

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My thoughts to you and your family, Arlene. Way too much pain.

By Jenny Oops on 05/23/2008 1:43 am

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Jenny, Thanks for your kind thoughts. Your pain may be worse than ours. God bless you and your family.

By Estimada C on 05/23/2008 3:28 pm

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Thanx, Arlene. God’s blessings back.

By Jenny Oops on 05/24/2008 7:31 pm

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profound poem; i think when one mom suffers, we all suffer; thank you for putting the poem up

By Esther Bradley-DeTally on 05/22/2008 10:44 am

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Thanx Esther Bradley-DeTally — GREAT NAME — I hesitated to put my poem up as Mark IS still alive, but went ahead anyway. Glad it was not seen as inappropriate. We moms do understand. Thanx for your understanding.

By Jenny Oops on 05/24/2008 7:40 pm