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Matters of the Heart | 02/09/2009 5:00 am

Valentine Search Engines: 45+ Women Are Finding Long-Lost Loves Online

Research shows we’re doing more and more online searching … for the men we left behind
By Deborah Barrow, Editor-in-Chief
Finding Online Love, Two Mice Make a Heart, A Computer Mouse in Love
iStock

According to a just-released study called Generations Online from Pew Research, the nation’s older generations [Early Boomers (age 55-63), Late Boomers (age 45-54), Silent Generation (age 64-72) and G.I. Generation (age 73+)] use the Internet more for research, e-mail and shopping than do the younger Gen X , Gen Y and Teen groups. 

But just what — or more precisely who — they’re researching might surprise you.

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, wowOwow is releasing the results of a January 2009 wowOwow online poll that asked its audience of women aged 45 and older if they have ever used the Internet to research, find — and then reconnect with — a long, lost love. 

The result? Sixty percent of the respondents said they had.

By using Google (39%), social networking sites such as Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, etc. (12%), school reunion sites such as Classmates.com and Reunion.com (8%), paid search sites and online phonebooks (4%), wowOwow’s poll points to a tsunami of older women doing more than simply fantasizing about their long, lost loves. They’re looking for them — and finding them. 

I found the address and phone number for my only true love. I knew he was married. I wrote a brief note to say hello ...

And because of both the recent surge in Internet usage by the baby boom generation and beyond and always-improving online search tools, the job of searching and finding those past lovers has become much easier for even the beginner. 

In the wowOwow poll, the community of respondents were forthcoming in sharing not only the kinds of online tools they used to find their exes, but also, via the comments section of the poll, intimate results of their searches. Most commenters’ results fell into one of the six types of experiences grouped together below.

They looked. They found. They married.

“Looked, found and now married. We were engaged 20 years ago when I was a kid. I chickened out. I guess we were meant to be together later in life. I’m glad he sees it the same way! This story has a great ending!”

“I play a game online and that is how I meet my current husband, we used to talk on the phone everyday for over 2 years for hours a day, we both lived 1900 miles apart. I can say it has been the best experience of my life, he is my best friend, I would not trade him for anything. When we met I was not looking for a relationship and he respected that and we both literally started off as good friends and it later developed into what we have now a wonderful marriage of over 5 years.”

Found a Plato(nic) Retreat

“Yes I did and it has been a successful reunion - platonic, intermittent and gracious.”

“But, the man who absolutely broke my heart contacted me last month ‘just to see how I was doing,’ after 32 years of never speaking. It was a very strange conversation, and I was so shocked that I forgot to ask him if he had ever left his wife.”

“Anyway, these former ‘swains’ (who is counting??’) used to show up on the cyberspace, it is really hilarious when around my birthday or Xmas time, they show up in a lineup on my screen … so good for my ego, n’est pas???”

Want to find your own long, lost love? Read wowOwow’s 6 Ways to Find Your First Love Online.

27 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Green Tears
Nope, sorry, I just don’t think this is a great idea. Live in the present, look forward to the future, and leave the past alone.
By Green Tears on 02/09/2009 6:15 am
Jeannot Kensinger
No one in my past “loves” is worth giving a second thought to. Valentine’s day will be our 40th wedding anniversary, well the legal one anyway, we go beyond. I had the best and how lucky I have been.
By Jeannot Kensinger on 02/09/2009 8:12 am
Belinda Joy
In my opnion there is a reason why they are labeled “ex” loves. Hindsight has a way of blurring your memories. Making what “was” seem less importatnt. True, he may have had that annoying habit of leaving the cap off of the toothpaste and leaving the lid up on the toilet, but all in all he was a great guy. When in reality those little things were enough to push you over the edge and make you decide he wasn’t a good fit. I have only had a handful of committed relationships in my life and not one of them in hindsight would I want to reconsider and try anew. We parted for good reasons in each instance. And who I am now was not who I was when I was with them, and I would hope the men I was with can say the same. What I expect and will tolerate in a relationship now is far more narrow than in my past. As I age I know more about who I am and therefore what I need to make me happy. I will compromise on a lot of things in life, but love, sex, romance…..nope.
By Belinda Joy on 02/09/2009 9:03 am
Daryl Miles
My “lost” love found me….after almost 30 years. He was single, and I married. After I left my marriage a couple years later, I found him. He lived 1000 miles away, and after a couple long weekends together, and a wonderful week-long vacation…..I changed my life. Moved to be with him. People don’t change…he broke up the romance shortly after I moved in. Now he wants to be friends……. I think I’m glad I did it. Always wondered what it would be like if I was with this First Love. Now I know….it would not be lasting!!
By Daryl Miles on 02/09/2009 11:36 am
Lorraine Bates
Someone I know went searching for her high school sweetheart - found him, he’s on his 5th marriage, and she’s married, but they’ve started up anyway. Don’t dredge up the past unless you’re in a position to do so.
By Lorraine Bates on 02/09/2009 12:19 pm
Sandbee (FB) 54
Thought that statement up there about them being better as ex’s than as “nows” sounded familiar, went back and saw that it was me that said it, lol.
By Sandbee (FB) 54 on 02/09/2009 12:47 pm
J B
Can’t imagine doing this…there are reasons they were “left behind”!!!
By J B on 02/09/2009 1:05 pm
HA BIBI
Lifes a journey……Not a detour!
By HA BIBI on 02/09/2009 1:16 pm
James the Game
I hit all the ruts, Elaine. I have no ex’es.
By James the Game on 02/09/2009 2:25 pm
HA BIBI
Hi Jim, That just means you have no detours and that means you are on a forward journey…One that still lies ahead, with wonderful possibilities for finding that special one! :)
By HA BIBI on 02/09/2009 3:46 pm
James the Game
Very sweet of you, ‘laine.
By James the Game on 02/09/2009 5:15 pm
Diana T
I dont’ have any lost loves that aren’t either dead or married. Besides, you can’t go back to the future. I prefer to be forward thinking than lingering on the old loves.
By Diana T on 02/09/2009 2:35 pm
Maizie James
Diana, As always, you’ve spoken words of wisdom. Thanks!!
By Maizie James on 02/09/2009 3:48 pm
James the Game
Just so long as they’re not dead AND married. Ha. Yep, my loved one is in heaven. Anywho…should be an interesting talk by O tonight
By James the Game on 02/09/2009 5:14 pm
Sam Mirando
I met a lost love in 1995, thirty years after I had been madly in love. I was almost faint with excitement and anticipation and we did have a good time together, over the course of two days, without any physical contact at all since I was married. We continued to correspond by email until I realized that nobody could be more BORING and put an end to our correspondence by not responding to the increasingly boring messages that I was receiving. All I succeeded in doing was destroying the memory of a blissful, idyllic, romantic, wonderful teenage love affair. So be careful what you wish for…
By Sam Mirando on 02/09/2009 5:12 pm