Sign in to wowOwow

Enter the email address that you used when registering at wowOwow.
The password field is case sensitive. Click here if you have forgotten your password.

Please register for wowOwow

Newsletter subscriptions
Sign up to receive wowOwow's weekly newsletter and get our best picks delivered right to your inbox. Our newsletter content is hand-picked by the wowOwow editorial team and provides the top features, news, and commentary from our site. Subscribing to our newsletter is free and safe. We will never share your email or other information with a third-party without your direct consent.
By registering, you indicate that you have read and agree
with our privacy policy and terms of service.

Matters of the Heart | 02/09/2009 5:00 am

Valentine Search Engines: 45+ Women Are Finding Long-Lost Loves Online

Research shows we’re doing more and more online searching … for the men we left behind
By Deborah Barrow, Editor-in-Chief
Finding Online Love, Two Mice Make a Heart, A Computer Mouse in Love
iStock

According to a just-released study called Generations Online from Pew Research, the nation’s older generations [Early Boomers (age 55-63), Late Boomers (age 45-54), Silent Generation (age 64-72) and G.I. Generation (age 73+)] use the Internet more for research, e-mail and shopping than do the younger Gen X , Gen Y and Teen groups. 

But just what — or more precisely who — they’re researching might surprise you.

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, wowOwow is releasing the results of a January 2009 wowOwow online poll that asked its audience of women aged 45 and older if they have ever used the Internet to research, find — and then reconnect with — a long, lost love. 

The result? Sixty percent of the respondents said they had.

By using Google (39%), social networking sites such as Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, etc. (12%), school reunion sites such as Classmates.com and Reunion.com (8%), paid search sites and online phonebooks (4%), wowOwow’s poll points to a tsunami of older women doing more than simply fantasizing about their long, lost loves. They’re looking for them — and finding them. 

I found the address and phone number for my only true love. I knew he was married. I wrote a brief note to say hello ...

And because of both the recent surge in Internet usage by the baby boom generation and beyond and always-improving online search tools, the job of searching and finding those past lovers has become much easier for even the beginner. 

In the wowOwow poll, the community of respondents were forthcoming in sharing not only the kinds of online tools they used to find their exes, but also, via the comments section of the poll, intimate results of their searches. Most commenters’ results fell into one of the six types of experiences grouped together below.

They looked. They found. They married.

“Looked, found and now married. We were engaged 20 years ago when I was a kid. I chickened out. I guess we were meant to be together later in life. I’m glad he sees it the same way! This story has a great ending!”

“I play a game online and that is how I meet my current husband, we used to talk on the phone everyday for over 2 years for hours a day, we both lived 1900 miles apart. I can say it has been the best experience of my life, he is my best friend, I would not trade him for anything. When we met I was not looking for a relationship and he respected that and we both literally started off as good friends and it later developed into what we have now a wonderful marriage of over 5 years.”

Found a Plato(nic) Retreat

“Yes I did and it has been a successful reunion - platonic, intermittent and gracious.”

“But, the man who absolutely broke my heart contacted me last month ‘just to see how I was doing,’ after 32 years of never speaking. It was a very strange conversation, and I was so shocked that I forgot to ask him if he had ever left his wife.”

“Anyway, these former ‘swains’ (who is counting??’) used to show up on the cyberspace, it is really hilarious when around my birthday or Xmas time, they show up in a lineup on my screen … so good for my ego, n’est pas???”

Want to find your own long, lost love? Read wowOwow’s 6 Ways to Find Your First Love Online.

27 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Maizie James
Great post. Thanks for sharing.
By Maizie James on 02/09/2009 6:07 pm
Lena B
LOL! I can’t believe I was quoted here… But yes, it has been a good experience for me- I needed resolution. I had secretly expected closure, but realized that certain feelings are rooted and can’t be purged. And that connecting didn’t change my life, but enhanced it in some small way. I guess I’m still examining the implications of it as I approach a year since that first email message. Thanks for the article Deborah.
By Lena B on 02/10/2009 12:36 pm
Lisa C.
Is this a good idea? Isn’t there a reason that we left the men in our pasts in our pasts in the first place? If they weren’t worth our time on the first go-around, what would make us believe that they are worth our time now? Sometimes, it’s better to be alone. Really.
By Lisa C. on 02/10/2009 6:06 pm
Susan Fried
My “first love” found me via e-mail eight years ago. We’ve been e-mailing each other since then. It was truly amazing the things he remembered about me and my family, things I had forgotten. He had been married and divorced for many years; I had been married, divorced and have re-married. We met up in California last year. He still looked the same, but was a non-stop talker and it drove me crazy! (Plus, he didn’t have a sense of humor and still held on to much of the past.) Funny, I had never remembered him talking that much. I had changed in so many ways and he still saw me as I was in 1960. Thank goodness - to all the powers that be - that we never married! I would have been bored to tears.
By Susan Fried on 02/11/2009 6:43 pm
Barbara Saunders-Jones
I didn’t find the lost love of my life (who I foolishly broke up with because I had no patience) on line because the technology didn’t exist 20+ years ago. We were both married at the time; it was very platonic. We saw each other once, with my family present. Then my husband of 21 years divorced me; his wife of 18 years left him. He emailed me in Australia and asked, “Do you ever get back to the U.S. for a visit?” It was the most forward thing either of us had ever said to one another. Ten months later, we were married.
By Barbara Saunders-Jones on 02/11/2009 7:02 pm
M G
I think it depends on why or how you broke up with someone. Most of my boyfriends were during my teen years as I got married at 20 yrs. old (I am now 46 yrs. old). I have looked up my past boyfriends only because they were really good to me and they were fun to be with. It was only due to our youth and going on different paths but I never stopped liking them as friends. In fact, due to recent death of a mutual friend, I just saw the first love of my life of who I dated when I was about 15 yrs. old. We loved seeing the other. He is married and I am divorced. I would never dream of breaking up his marriage. I am looking up old boyfriends because of nostalgic reasons, but I have never contacted them.
By M G on 02/12/2009 9:06 am
Mommy Dearest
What’s with all the columns about finding old lovers online, dears? Did I count three of them this morning? How about finding a new love? How about living our fullest lives, dahlings, and keeping an eye open for a new love in the process? Just a thought, dears.
By Mommy Dearest on 02/12/2009 10:23 am
LA R
Well, I’ve looked them up, out of curiosity, but made no contact. I do still stay in contact with someone I had three lovely weeks with in September 2000. He was married then; I’m married now. I’m in CA; he’s in Ireland. We exercise our wits.
By LA R on 02/12/2009 11:07 am
Darlene Craven
I’m one of those women, and my current Significant Other is one of those guys. 32 years ago, we parted at the end of a very wonderful summer of canoe trips, hikes, kisses in the woods, and endless laughs. We were on ski team together for two years before that, and we went to the prom. I went to college, he married one of our classmates, and that was it. In 2007, I got an e-mail that changed my life. He told me why he was prompted to find me and it grew from there. A year later, and half a country from the mountains that used to sustain me, we’re doing pretty good and it’s ever changing and ever joyous. We bought a car together, and now we’re looking for a dog to adopt. That’s enough for the here and now. So I’m here to tell you, it can work and it takes work. So I say, go for it.
By Darlene Craven on 02/12/2009 11:24 am
Lee Harrison
I actually have a handful of friends who reconnected with old loves at high school reunions or funerals in the home town…that sort of thing. They’ve ended first marriages and gone back to the first loves…and, aside from the devastation they left in their wakes, the new relationships are thriving. This is not something I’m endorsing…just reporting;-)
By Lee Harrison on 02/12/2009 5:31 pm
Heidi van Son
I would of found my past love, but sadly she passed away on January 20th, 2009 of this year at the tender age of 51, just shy of her 52nd. birthday by 8 days. I know she’s out there somewhere!
By Heidi van Son on 02/12/2009 7:55 pm
Faith Garcia
I recently reconnected with my first love, after not seeing him for twenty-seven years.  At first it was slow moving baby steps, of a year’s worth of phone calls.  When neither one of us could take the curiosity anymore, we decided to meet.  After a ten-day visit that was truly spectacular, we knew we had made the right decision.  The instant rapport and connection that we shared reminded us how, even though adults now; we are still the same silly and like-minded kids.  The visit was rejuvenating to say the least, and now we have vowed to never allow distance or time ever get in the way of how we feel.  At night, when he calls to wish me sweet dreams, I am reminded how important I am to him, but not as the child I was, rather as the woman I have become.  I too, now love and appreciate the man he has grown to be.  The same characteristics he had as a child, and that made him special to me then, are now intensified with the added wisdom and experience that comes with age.  Reconecting and then later seeing/visiting with him was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
By Faith Garcia on 04/02/2009 1:51 am