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Marlo Thomas | 04/10/2008 4:30 pm

Where Do Friends Come From?

Marlo Thomas
Who are my “best friends”? I have a lot of close pals and this made me wonder – where did they come from? Funny, how some people just click and you become part of each other’s journey.

There are the friends I’ve met through my work. These bonds aren’t only rich creatively, but they’ve been forged through some pretty heavy times – whether it’s the rehearsal and opening of a show, or battles with a network, or staying up all night to fix a script. These friendships have stood the test of pressure – they’re the people you can trust when you’re really under fire. You’re in the trenches and you suddenly look around and find each other. And you quickly discover that this is someone you can count on.

Then there are ex-boyfriends. Some of my women friends would never even think of being friends with an ex-lover, an ex-boyfriend, or an ex-husband. But for me, this is a person I told my secrets to, someone who knows me better than most people, someone I gave a lot of time and love to. What’s cozier than that?

And there are best friends you meet through marriage. Not all of them are wonderful, God knows; but it’s so exciting to discover that one of your husband’s best pals is married to a woman who’s just dynamite. It’s like getting a great in-law, and it’s a fabulous surprise.

But the best “best friends” are the ones from my childhood days. I’m still close friends with a few, male and female, who I’ve know since I was seven or eight. We grew up together in Beverly Hills. We knew each other’s parents. We’ve seen each other through every phase of our lives – from our school days to puberty, from our first kiss to our first job, through weddings and funerals, births and deaths, triumphs and disasters. I love these friends the best because we’ve made each other’s lives our own lives. The trust runs deep.
Read more about: Beverly Hills, Friendship

77 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

sherman amsel
i think “best friends” come from childhood. the most delicate balances are always at the beginning. if you’re lucky enough to make a childhood friend who you can stay friends with through all the years, then you’ve got something more valuable than almost anything else. i’ve found that friendships formed later in life can be very good, but lack the “deep trust” that marlo alludes to. you can trust your newer friends to not steal your money, or to help you with a project. but, the “deep trust”, that the person will always try to help out, never judge, and automatically takes your side in a crisis, seems to only be form-able at childhood, before we all learned about how people can be. only then can we really give ourselves away fully, without holding something back. that’s the foundation of deep trust.
By sherman amsel on 04/10/2008 11:33 am
Diane cardinale
I think friends come from the people we meet in our lives that we allow to see our heart. Thus the variety, close, good, best, social etc. If you have never seen a piece of my heart you were never my friend.
By Diane cardinale on 04/10/2008 11:33 am
KattinColorado
How do we come about our friends? Perhaps they are placed thruout our lives, where we come into contact with. Some friends last, some friends don’t. I have a friend from kindergarten, and to this day we still keep in contact. My best friend lives over 100 miles away, thank goodness for email!! Over the years, I have had many close friends, but life takes us upon many roads, and we lose them. But my friends I have now, are the best.
By KattinColorado on 04/10/2008 11:41 am
theCHEROKEErose
i have met and lost so very many people over the years..however there are still two or three that came into my life late that have stuck with me thru thick and thin…a friend is someone who you know is there no matter what you do, how you dress, if you dont call on a regular basis, that you dont have to fawn over…
By theCHEROKEErose on 04/10/2008 11:44 am
Ms. Dee
Having had trouble making and keeping friends over the years, I’m convinced friends come from your own ability to become a friend, be a friend. I feel like all of my current friends are people who (gratefully) have held onto me even when I had no sense of their value in my life. When you’re not sure you’re acceptable, it’s hard to feel accepted, even by the people who call every Christmas.
By Ms. Dee on 04/10/2008 3:02 pm
Kahala Ringgold
I have a “best friend” from kindergarten with whom I share a heart. I have a “best friend” who has been my companion through heavy times in my life and hers. I have a “best friend” who enjoys the more intellectual parts of of our connection. And, at age 65, I have been delighted to find a new “best friend” who enriches my life in ways I never imagined. I am glued to each by enjoyment of their different qualities and by love. BUT, the strongest adhesive is laughter.
By Kahala Ringgold on 04/10/2008 11:49 am
Shooz
To Kahala: You’re dead on about the laughter. Seeing the absurdities, and recognizing them as such … pure joy!
By Shooz on 04/10/2008 12:20 pm
Becky R
I am not what you would call a truly religious person who goes to church but this is what I honestly believe when it comes to REAL friends. Best friends, those who stick with you through good times and bad times and you with them as well, are angels in life. They don’t always agree with what you do, but they support you and don’t put you down. They may even pick you up when you have fallen/hit bottom. They won’t even say “I told you so.” I have one best friend who has been my friend since grade school (we are now 60) and I have other best friends who I have met within the last 10 years. We all have people who come into our lives and for various reasons, leave our lives or fade to the background, but true best friends are angels from heaven. God knew we needed each other and one way or another got us together for “keeps”.
By Becky R on 04/10/2008 11:55 am
FM H
Mrs. Wilkins you are so correct. I am 40 and my best friend and I have known each other for 25years. We are spiritually connected eventhough we come from different religious background. We have experienced all emotions together and know how to lift each other up. We live in seperate states but talk every day. She is my angel!!!
By FM H on 04/12/2008 10:10 am
Mary Goolsby
My really close friends are those with whom I’ve been willing to share my deepest, truest feelings. I can say anything to them and they will always forgive me if I’m crude or cruel. They will forgive me but they will tell me what they think. I didn’t realize that my sister was one of my very best friends until after she died. I knew that we loved one another, and she was my strongest fan, but I felt there were some things I coullldn’t talk about with her because she seemed to be from a slightly different generation (she was older than me). But now that she’s gone, I realize how much I miss her. Part of that is because we shared history in a way that is shared with no other. Another part of that is because I have not finished our conversation.
By Mary Goolsby on 04/10/2008 12:12 pm
Lady Gator
Isn’t it amazing!!! My best friend and I met in the first grade and were joined at the hip through high school. We moved on with our lives and lost each other. At our 50th high school reunion we were re-united and have been burning up the e-mails since. We have also seen each other many times since then. We firmly believe that it was “meant to be”. We’ve shared many smiles and many tears together, but NOTHING beats the laughter. I’ve always said that TRUE friendship is like a violin; the music may stop now and then, but the strings will last forever.
By Lady Gator on 04/10/2008 12:18 pm
Mugsy Peabody
Grace Hiler’s 9th grade English Class, meeting in the back seat of a 1964 Rambler on the way to SF Airport, the international student exchange network, doc processing at law firms, the SF Roommates Bureau, Anthea Francine’s Women of the Wheel, DA, AA, and OA, Laugh-in, the Brick Hut Cafe, reading together at open mike poetry readings, chanting with Gurumayi, and other failed love relationships.
By Mugsy Peabody on 04/10/2008 12:35 pm
J Boylynn
Mugsy, When I wrote earlier today, I had no idea today’s topic would be on friends! I wish we could be friends! Do live anywhere near Denver? Amen for friends of Bill!
By J Boylynn on 04/10/2008 3:26 pm
Mugsy Peabody
Lived in a tent above Estes Park in the Rocky Mountain National Park in 1969, and then near Chessman Park for about six months in 1970 before coming here. Check out the Carousel of Happiness in Nederland (good website online). They’re really good friends for years. I live in Oakland now.
By Mugsy Peabody on 04/10/2008 4:04 pm
T A
I met my best friend in kindergarten. It’s amazing that we’ve been friends for 50 years and we’re only 56 years old now. My other best friend is my ex. Although I’m in a partnership with a wonderful woman we’ve only known each other for two years. There’s not enough history or shared experiences to make up for what I know with my other friends. She gets jealous about my ex and doesn’t understand why I still have a great need to talk to her on a regular basis. My response is that “she’s the grandmother of my grandchildren.” We share family and a love of philosophy, literature and sometime intellectual discourse. It doesn’t take away from the love I feel for my partner. I simply need people in my life with whom I’ve known for decades.
By T A on 04/10/2008 12:37 pm