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Sheila Nevins | 04/10/2008 12:00 am

Who Is She?

© Shutterstock

Fiction

After reading the story, click here to vote: If you were Bart’s wife, what would you do in the morning?
a) Confront him
b) Poison him
c) Let it pass
d) Tell him he needs therapy
e) Have your own liaison
f) Leave him

It was 12:30 a.m.

Bart was working late. Being a lawyer in a high-pressure firm and having just become a managing partner was taking its toll. His nights were not his own. Many weekends he had to take the L.I.R.R. back to the city because his workload was so heavy. These demanding clients kept him always on call. Financially, he was doing quite well for the first time in his twenty-year career. She understood; it wasn’t that she wasn’t busy or preoccupied herself. Their kids were quite grown – twenty, twenty-two, and twenty-six – and out of the house. She loved her job as a librarian at the local Jericho library. On this particular sultry summer night, she was engrossed in a book being read by her book club. She hadn’t read Anna Karenina since college and so she was quite engaged, as if reading it for the first time.

His car pulled up in the driveway.

Bart stopped at the fridge, grabbed some iced tea, and tiptoed up to the bedroom. He said, surprised, "You’re up?"

She smiled, "I’m deeply involved with Anna. How’s it going, Bart? Tough case?"

"The clients are impossible," he answered.

"You must be tired?" she said.

"Exhausted," Bart said.

She couldn’t explain it, but somehow something was different. Bart seemed off-tempo. What was it? His hair. It was neatly combed. "Get a haircut?" she said. "It looks great."

"No. Why, do I need one?" Bart asked.

"Just wondered," she said. "And, by the way, Lila got a raise. She asked for it and they gave it."

"How much?" he asked.

"Five percent," she said. "And I’m so glad. They were taking advantage of her."

"She’s one great kid," Bart replied. "We struck a home run with this one."

They both smiled. Lila was a prize.

Bart took off his jacket and opened his pajama drawer. His tie was carefully knotted. Odd, she thought. On these hot summer nights he almost always came home without a tie. She imagined that he probably took his tie off as soon as he left his air-conditioned Manhattan office. She noted this careful knot.

Bart then took off his pants and flung them over the chair. She lifted her eyes from her book. She felt him avoiding her gaze; well, not avoiding it, but not catching her eyes – if you know what I mean. Then she saw that his jockey shorts were on backwards. The fly part faced her as he bent over to untie his shoes. Had he spent this sticky day in arrears? Her heart raced. There was no lipstick on his collar, no perfume in the air like in the movies. As a matter of fact, it was the absence of aroma that she noticed – no sweat. After twenty-eight years of marriage, late August work nights meant damp shirts. She knew this because she had put them in the laundry for all those years. She knew the circle of perspiration around the armpits, the badge of honest late work. Her cheeks flushed, her heart pounded. Had he showered before coming home? She knew he had not been working.

"Good book?" Bart said.

"Yes, yes," she said. "Read it at Mount Holyoke years, years ago. It’s all new to me. Tolstoy is so now."

"How was the book club?" he asked casually.

"Fascinating," she said. Her fingers felt numb. "Bart … " she started.

"Yes?" He was pulling the covers over his head.

"Bart … you are working so hard."

"Yes, sweetie," he said. He rolled over and kissed her. She felt the kiss’s compulsory quality, the repetitive wet peck.

"Bart," she said, taking a deep breath and pausing. “Bart, I got them to fix the den’s air conditioner and honor the warranty two days after it expired." He was sinking under the covers.

"That’s my girl," he said. His voice was getting drowsy.

She felt scared. Alone. She whispered to herself, knowing he wouldn’t hear, "Who was she?" – the tears running down her face. She whispered again more quietly, "Who was she, Bart?" But when she looked over at Bart, he was fast asleep.

She turned out the light, first looking at their wedding picture near the telephone on her side of the bed. She turned the picture face down, wiped her tears away, listened to his breathing, and wondered what she would do in the morning.

Click here for wOw poll: What would you do in the morning?

Read more about: Anna Karenina, Fiction

112 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Buh-Bye Hillary Hillary Buh-Bye
Ann D—Every case is very different…but it isn’t about loving your anger more than you love him….it’s about loving yourself and the quality of your life more than you love a liar and a cheat. There is no peace of mind with a cheater. There is no trust with a liar and betrayer. And some women because of children or their own vulnerability make the sacrifice. And some women because of the money and lifestyle or status or whatever it is make that bargain with themselves. They want that more than they want someone who really loves them. I think there are many ways to ‘be’ in the world…and that is between the adults involved. All I can say for myself…..is that if I sacrifice my independence, my time, and my very own life lived my very own way, and I take myself out of circulation for someone, to build something with him and I honor that, and he frivolously throws it away…..it has nothing to do with anger. I have compassion and understanding and a sense of humor for human frailties out in the world. Under my roof I want trust, harmony and peace. And if another person wants something else, finds something else—that’s great. And there’s the door. Life is way to short to put up with that. Men know very well if a woman is a doormat or not and know if the women who will throw them out few questions asked. I think the ‘New Men” really appreciate women and their relationship and understand mucking it up isn’t worth it. But it doesn’t really matter to me one way or another. I’ve been happily married, my husband is dead. And I’d rather have Golden Retrievers at home, and my male chums out for dinner etc.
By Buh-Bye Hillary Hillary Buh-Bye on 04/10/2008 11:56 pm
Sheila Pies
It’s time to sign up for tango lessons. Then I’d have to figure out why I’ve been brain dead for so long and why I have not wanted him around me. Unless of course I happen to love being alone and reading a lot or I’m having my own good time. Ultimately I would have to face a loss of some kind, the status of marriage, the ease & comfort of my life now, the very real realization that Bart is no longer “mine”. I stopped dancing so before I confront, I must assess my own part in this pas de deux. :-) Therapy is good. I’ll take good notes and talk to him when I calm and know where I’m going and what I want. In the morning I’ll play tango music.
By Sheila Pies on 04/10/2008 3:08 am
Lucinda Blackwood
The most important to do first is nothing. Don’t do anything until you can get in control of your emotions. Then get your ducks in a row, give him enough rope to hang himself and when he least expects it Lower the Boom!
By Lucinda Blackwood on 04/10/2008 3:12 am
Helene Noble
Years ago a friend of mine with 5 children divorced her somewhat wealthy husband because she learned he was having an affair. He begged her to reconsider but she was beyond reconsolation. She wound up with 2 million dollars, the lovely Philadelphia Main Line home and the 5 children. He married the beautiful, much younger girlfriend and made aproximately 50 million more than he had when they divorced. Now she is 81, has never found another suitable husband and live a life of lonelyness and regret. I know a few more stories like that. I have always told my husband if he wants to have an affair, please be careful about bringing home a disease to me but don’t expect me to upset my home and children by divorcing him and ruining my own very pleasant life. I promised to ignore such an event. As far as I know he has never had an affair, not even a very short fling or one night that cause me suspicion. Perhaps I took the fun out of it for him or maybe he never wanted anyone else. But I said it because I meant it.
By Helene Noble on 04/10/2008 3:36 am
Marlise Parker
Hopefully, you have a support structure in place — friend, family, clergy, someone who can listen calmly. They’re not going to make your decision for you, but help you quell that initial horror. Yes, you need to confront him, but you need to do it calmly, knowing what options you have for the future. Should you forgive the wretch? Certainly not this early in the game because that would create a carte blanche for repeated episodes. Crying and shouting doesn’t help. Pretending it hasn’t happened is also foolish. Having your own liaison is like adding extra salt to an already salty dish. The situation is already not palatable. CYA certainly. Been there. The T-shirt isn’t worth it, but you can and will come out of it with YOUR dignity, which is what you need in the future for you and your children.
By Marlise Parker on 04/10/2008 4:03 am
beth willis
Gee, I thought this was some GQ Bart Simpson interplay. Silly me. I can’t even get my husband to wear a tie. Maybe I should pay closer attention?
By beth willis on 04/10/2008 5:07 am
doll lady
Wow this sounds familar. Yes it happened to me. Am I still with him….yes and it’s 17 years later. But the sad part is, I lost almost all of my love for him. I wish I would have kicked him out. I loved this guy with all of my heart and soul, but after his affair, I lost my true love for him. I wish I had done it differently. A long term marriage without the original love just isn’t the same. Counselors tell you that you can forgive your partner if it happens. Sure, I don’t get my knickers in a wad everytime he goes out the door, wondering if he is meeting someone. It’s the memory that he did it once upon a time. You just can’t erase memories. Based on experiece, dump the jerk.
By doll lady on 04/10/2008 6:07 am
Barbara
I am shocked by how many quick responses are to kick him out. If she really loves him, she will find a quiet time, put her arms around him, tell him her worries and see if they can talk. From the description of what she was doing, it sounds like they had drifted apart with separate interests. What can they do to recapture that, instead of heading straight to divorce court? Is it a real thing or imagined. Is it a fling or love. Does he still have feelings for her or not. It’s easy to be the sideline quarterback but I will tell you that no one can make the judgement of what to do from outside a relationship. You have to know what’s in the hearts of the two people in the relationship. Acqusations, screams, throwing people out…that will subvert the process before it starts.
By Barbara on 04/10/2008 7:01 am
Buh-Bye Hillary Hillary Buh-Bye
Barbara- Maybe you are shocked because you haven’t had the experience, or for whatever reason you would be willing to negotiate an improved relationship…a lot of women do for children or because they need his support or feel they have no other options. There all all different kinds of situations and people relate to things based on their own beliefs and experiences. What I know is that I’ve been married twice, engaged to other times (once when we built a house on a lake I designed and had the engagement ring and backed out) and I have dated more men than anyone I personally know. I do not put up with that from men. My first husband was a saint. My sisters and my sister-in-laws all have great husbands. I had someone who went out on me, and that was his ego, not anything I failed to do. I would not discuss anything with any man while angry and risk losing my dignity. I went out walking as fast as I could for hours until I was calm. And then I cut it then and there, cooly, without drama, and with him begging me to forgive etc. And while he was talking I realized if he told me it was a nice day outside —I’d go check. I am never going to be in a situation in my own home where I doubt the person there. I have never been sorry for one second. And this was a CEO of a company, very well educated/traveled and belonging to the most prestigious men’s club in the country, etc. I put up with no gas from men, and esp in this department. Rather be alone. Some women NEED men…that’s why you are shocked. A man who lies to you is not your friend. If relationship is ‘open’ by mutual consent that’s different. But for a man to make that unilateral decision along…no. The era is over.
By Buh-Bye Hillary Hillary Buh-Bye on 04/11/2008 12:13 am
Jeannot Kensinger
Been there, after several such episodes I kicked him out and never missed him. Dummy me, I thought it was my fault.
By Jeannot Kensinger on 04/10/2008 7:25 am
Robert  Stewart
WHEN ARE WHEN ARE U GOING TO START YOUR FIRST CONTEST WRITING CONTEST? WITH PRIZE MONEY YOU MIGHT FIND THE FIND THE NEXT ALICE MUNRO ROBERT STEWART
By Robert Stewart on 04/10/2008 7:29 am
theCHEROKEErose
ive already told mine that if he ever wants anyone but me, i will divorce him and take every red cent i can get my hands on so that he and his new ‘she’ will have a miserable, money-less life…go ahead and go for it…
By theCHEROKEErose on 04/10/2008 7:31 am
Peggy Sue
I know you did not give us the option but I would investigate before confronting. I would want more proof. Either hire or become an investigator!
By Peggy Sue on 04/10/2008 7:45 am
Stephanie Fikes
Two decades ago I would have jumped to conclusions, make no mistake! Now, I understand that my worth is greater than what goes on with my spouse. In the morning (and maybe before I fall asleep the night before) I would first ask myself, if there is a “she”, and why? Right away I realize that this is his issue, not mine. I refuse to take on his insecurities, and if he is seeing some one, who am I to attempt to punish him for his indiscretion? Am I to asume that Bart did have sex with some one else? As a woman I have to understand that I am too valuable to worry about his mishaps, mistakes, wrong-doing, or thoughtless behavior. Deception always comes to light. Let it go. Carry on with life. Make sure that happiness does not revolve around another individuals behavior. But before he can slip those underwear off and tell you that you’re crazy, ask him why he has them on backwards. Make his heart skip a beat or two! :-)
By Stephanie Fikes on 04/10/2008 8:29 am
M L Staats
I honestly don’t know what I would do in the situation until faced with it; anything else would be pure speculation. And I know the answer would have been different at all the stages of my life. Who I am now, I do know one thing: If I saw his underwear on backwards, I would have probably wet the bed laughing. I apologize for being so crude, forgive me. But, really. I mean, his hair is neater than usual, he has no scent to him and his shirt has no sweat rings but his underwear is on backwards?! If his hair was a mess, he smelled like a brothel, his tie was hanging over his shoulder, I could buy he had dressed fast enough not to have his underwear on correctly. But who would go to such trouble to disguise having had sex with another person and then put his Jockeys on backwards?! Is it just me? It’s almost lame enough that he would have to be innocent or he’s so blasted stupid and clueless, all I would be able to is laugh … AT him.
By M L Staats on 04/10/2008 5:50 pm