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Relationships | 05/15/2008 9:58 am

'wOw Friend' Betsy Prioleau: Calling All Casanovas!

Editor’s Note: Betsy Prioleau is the author of Seductress: Women Who Ravished the World and Their Lost Art of Love.

What’s happened to all the ladies’ men, the great seducers who were “onto” women, knew the ropes and love-addled us for life? Where are they now when we need them?

Male approval ratings are at a record low. Women are disappointed in spouses (over half want to stray), the dating pool and our sex lives. We’re single longer and pickier — increasingly peeved with players, slackers, clueless suitors and partners on autopilot.

Times like these call for the ladykiller. History’s legendary lovers, with their forgotten moves and mojo, can pull us out of this funk. They can wise up men and answer women’s prayers.

Their secret? Clearly something beyond sexual science. Most lacked money, status, stability and looks. Italian poet and adventurer Gabriele D’Annunzio, the celebrated “Don Juan” of the fin de siecle, was short, “ugly” and usually poor, but the queenpins of Europe fainted at his feet. He had “it,” the basic requisites: brio, libido and a sweet spot for women. He also had the craft of enchantment down cold.

D’Annunzio, like other ladies’ men, ignored the playbooks and practiced love as an art. The goal was grand passion — to conjure and keep it. The techniques go back centuries and can be mixed to taste, even used piecemeal. They’re that powerful.

Physical lures are the minor spells, and maestros knew that passion requires a dash of drama. Casanova finessed this to perfection. Eighteenth-century Venetian romancer, spy, scholar, writer, musician and man of parts, Casanova was the quintessential seducer. He dressed to kill — in purple taffeta waistcoats and rings on every finger; he learned movement from a ballet master; he wore signature jasmine scent; he played the violin; he stage-set assignations in customized rooms and was supernatural in bed.

But psychological charms are the big erotic magic; love is a head trip, a soul heist, a skyjack to an altered state. “Cool” doesn’t cut it. Take fifties’ jet-setter Pakistani Prince Aly Khan. When he struck, he plied women with praise and wore his heart on his sleeve. He once turned to a dinner partner he’d just met, the Hon. Joan Guinness, and said, “Darling, will you marry me?” She promptly divorced her husband and did. Rita Hayworth, his second wife, followed suit ten years later.

Khan delivered another kiloton aphrodisiac: festivity. Women described his courtships as “a flight aboard a magic carpet” — laughter, treats and kicks — where “inhibitions fell away like retreating landmarks.”

Ladies’ men, too, “got” empathy and conversation. Napoleonic “Enchanter” Chateaubriand, politician and author of such French classics as Atala and René, enamored women “suddenly and forever” with his full-on sympathy. And forget the strong, silent lotharios of macho lore; speech is seduction. Swashbuckler Sir Walter Raleigh word-spelled the world (including Elizabeth I) with his verbal legerdemain, as did Lord Byron, David Niven and countless others. One of Niven’s many inamorati swooned, his funny stories were “as delicious as French pastry.”

More to the point: women-charmers remained interesting. They treated love as a verb — a continual tango of yes-no, delight-difficulty, elate-sedate. Grand master of them all was eighteenth-century “hero of the boudoir,” the duc de Richelieu. Soldier, litterateur, diplomat, wit and friend of Voltaire, he was an inexhaustible pinwheel personality whose amorous inventions (he loved disguises), mercurial moods and movements kept his “countless adorers” perpetually enrapt. Such was his allure that two noblewomen once dueled for his favors in the Bois de Boulogne. The ladies took aim, fired off pistol rounds and the comtesse de Polignac felled her rival (nonfatally), the marquise de Nesle. But neither won. This arch-fascinator remained a law unto himself and “irresistible” into his nineties.

But today? Who’s seen a certified heartthrob recently? Aside from the few Warren Beattys and Jack Nicholsons, they’re a dying breed — going the way of the snow leopard. Guys are abandoning the mating effort, babe-trolling or boring us blind. Unless we turn them around.

It’s our call. We can mold men to our wishes. As neo-Darwinist David Buss assures us: if women want men to walk “on their hands,” soon “half the race will be upside down.” Come now: we can give men something better to do with their hands — and heads. We can take the seducers’ secrets, inculcate them, put them to positive ends — hot monogamy and female bliss — and transform the slouches into love studs.

With greater female leverage and autonomy in the future, we’ll increasingly demand men of this breed. Vanguard sociobiologist Geoffrey Miller argues in The Mating Mind that alpha women have always chosen ladykillers who “deliver the greatest rapture” over ho-hum providers. He calls this the “Dionysian effect” and believes it accounts for the evolution of human culture and creativity.

So, let’s bring on the ladies’ men, the Dionysian pleasure pistols with their sizzle and sorcery and inside track on what lights our fires and keeps them lit. With our twenty-first century charms, we can recapture and corral this sexy beast. Haven’t we earned a Casanova of our own by now?

29 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Margo Porter
Bravo Betsy! Thank you for saying something that needed to be said. I was having this same conversation with some girlfriends last weekend. We all came to some interesting points: Part of the blame belongs to us women of 80’s and 90’s because we were busy with more important issues (like parity in the educational and professional spheres as well as improving all child related things). We really didn’t make it clear that we needed (yes needed) men to help with house work AND help with the magic. Then there was that famous survey that said that if were of a certain age we would sooner be attacked by terrorists than attract a committed relationship. This provided any male malcontents from the gender equality battles total license to date women substantially younger who, because their mothers were busy securing a future for them missed the opportunity to teach their daughters to hold men up to a higher standard. In essence, we inadvertantly gave men permission to be lazy. The fashion / beauty industry also had an unsavory hand in this by using impossibly young women to advertise product. Thus making men think that a model of 19 was a well groomed woman of 30 something. I do find that men who are not from the U.S. still understand the purpose of wooing and flirting. They also enjoy it. That’s we have to bring back to all men: the idea that it’s FUN. We now have more women leading countries than ever before. IN my life time, THERE WILL BE A WOMAN IN THE WHITE HOUSE. (Maybe Hillary maybe not). We’ve gone to outer space. It’s in our nature to develop things, people, concepts. Look to the courtesans of the Renaissance. They had less resources than we do. Yet they made men create masterfu works of art and discover new lands. We come from Queen Elizabeth I, Catherine de Medici, Marie Curie, Francoise Gilot, Eleanor Roosevelt, Coretta Scott King and many others. We can do this for ourselves and the girls to come.
By Margo Porter on 05/15/2008 12:13 pm
Frank Peterson
Here I am….lol
By Frank Peterson on 05/15/2008 12:27 pm
Maurine H
God love ya Frank!
By Maurine H on 05/15/2008 12:44 pm
Frank Peterson
I sure as hell hope someone does, Maurine :-)
By Frank Peterson on 05/15/2008 1:01 pm
Deni G
hey Frank…a whole bunch of us love you!
By Deni G on 05/15/2008 6:34 pm
Ms. Dee
I’m in.
By Ms. Dee on 05/15/2008 8:52 pm
Deni G
LOL..I thought you were dancing for us!
By Deni G on 05/15/2008 8:20 pm
Frank Peterson
Have I told you that you ladies are loves? well you are—beautiful women any man would be proud to be with.
By Frank Peterson on 05/15/2008 8:22 pm
Frank Peterson
I’d send you a big smooch but you’re probably married—anyway th thought is there, my dear :-)
By Frank Peterson on 05/15/2008 8:24 pm
Deni G
Hey! There is no backing out of smooch-sending.
By Deni G on 05/15/2008 8:58 pm
Frank Peterson
OK one big smooch coming to all of you from my heart and believe me I’m a good kisser lol At least Annie thought so.
By Frank Peterson on 05/15/2008 10:34 pm
Deni G
And .. here’s a big cheer! for Annie!
By Deni G on 05/15/2008 11:04 pm
Frank Peterson
Some day I’d like to tell all of you about the day I met Anne—that is if you’d like that—if not no prob.
By Frank Peterson on 05/15/2008 11:03 pm
Deni G
No..not a problem at all! I would love it. And I am sure I am not alone, in that.
By Deni G on 05/16/2008 12:14 am
Frank Peterson
Now’s the time for me to say “Aw shucks and stub my toe in the dirt-lol ML thank you -big hug. And yep you were right . :-)
By Frank Peterson on 05/15/2008 11:09 pm