Frank—In my house ‘You want to practice’ meant “Do you want to go hit some balls around?” (tennis, golf)….I see you had a whole ‘nother rackett.

Sex can get better with age and longevity of relationship because it can become more meaningful. While the ability of each partner to master increasingly erotic techniques plays a part, the real significance is in the ability to be ever more emotionally intimate. That heightened degree of meaning and intimacy together produce the most passionate and enlightened sexual encounters, and allow people to grow into their true Sexual Potential. As sex therapist and educator David Schnarch says: “Cellulite and sexual potential are highly correlated.” “It’s more solid, because it’s based on reality. “Ultimately, you get through gridlock and get to a place of more honest self-disclosure, where the focus is on being known, rather than being validated,” he says. Best of all, the sex often becomes more relaxed, creative and connected. Literally and figuratively, no one’s hiding in the dark anymore.” “Often, sexual disconnect has a similar refrain: I can’t show you who I really am. People’s mistaken ideas about intimacy have made them overly reliant on a partner for their own sense of self. You demand that your partner approve of you, and you begin to count on him or her to reassure you that you’re normal and that your feelings are valid. This makes it difficult to be completely open or honest with each other anymore. One or both of you begins to feel suffocated, and the intense vulnerability of sexual passion that was so easy in the early days becomes impossible.” Dr. Schnarch continues: “Achieving sexual potential requires the strength to change the rules in your relationship, usually with a reluctant partner. It’s hard to do this as time goes on in a committed relationship because your partner becomes increasingly important to you (even if you don’t like them). We get less willing to risk our partner’s rejection, and less willing to show them a part of ourselves they have not yet seen. People often have to get to the point of desperation. “You also have to stand apart from almost everything you’ve ever been taught about sex, and use your own sexuality as a compass to explore what human sexuality can be. You have to follow what actually works, instead of a preconceived notion of what works. You have to become your own sexual scientist. In a sense, we are all pilgrims: Our capacity for intimacy has been around for a fraction of geologic time, and we don’t yet have the owner’s manual. “Long-term sexual partners can give up on themselves, or shed preconceived notions that worked (partially) only when they were younger. You have to claim your own life and your own bed, muster the courage to accept yourself, throw away the rule book, and see what works for you. It takes a tremendous amount of integrity and self-respect—often much more than people have. And yet, the challenge furthers the process of self-development.” “This just hints at the elegance of committed relationships. They are people-growing machines. What we think are “problems” are often the process of pushing ourselves (and each other) to become people capable of having the marriage we’re angry we don’t have. “The marital bed is where we play out our rituals of development. The Quantum Model offers a challenging solution: If you want better sex, you have to mature.” Excerpts taken from “Joy with Your Underwear Down” by David Schnarch in Psychology Today http://psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=19940701-000026&page=…

Back from a day in the city, she comes in the door, calling downstairs: SHE: Hi my loverboy!! HE: Hi Sweetheart, I m i s s e d you! ________ Forget dinner. :-) :-) Anonymously, JL

Tell you–whoever “you” may be, everything? Not in a pig’s eye––but the answer is, of course, with as many different varieties as there are people performing it. When I was in one of my primes I felt like a dog in heat. I am now in what I call my late prime and I would say my dog days are over but the melody lingers on. In the short story “The Monkey,” Isak Dinesen writes, “[He] kissed her hand…and then all at once he got such a terrible impression of strength and cunning that it was as if he had touched an electric eel. Women, he thought, when they are old enough to have done with the business of being women, and can loose their strength, must be the most powerful creatures in the whole world.”

Absolutely, sex gets better but the relationship has to be solid. After the sex is gone you still need to want to eat,sleep, and sit next to that person and love it.

After nearly 20 years, our mattress “dent” is in the middle, not a dent on each side, with a little mattress hill between us. I think that says it all.

Most definately yes. And so it should. I can remember the anticipatory anxiety I felt the first time with my husband. Actually it went on for months as we got to understand and learn each others sexual needs, desires, likes, dislikes and the little idiosyncrisies that we had. Once we got past the ‘I want to please you’ mentality and started enjoying the intimacy our sex life just took off and hasn’t stopped. After 20 years, wrinkles, body changes, body pains, kids, animals,stress and just life, he can still turn me on with just a simple kiss to the back of my neck and does as least twice a week.

I’m still waiting for the day when I am in a “long term” relationship! I’d love to find out the answer to this question…….

I’m hoping so. My husband and I have only been together for 8 years. The longest relationship I’ve ever had with a man. So far things are good. and I’m not sure who said it on this thread earlier but someone said it isn’t relationship work it’s relationship “play”. I think that’s the right word. One of my best friends is 71 and was with her husband for 49 years. He died of cancer. But she has talked a lot about how they had a good sex life clear up until 2 wks before he died. she said they “played” a lot. they laughed a lot and they didn’t hold grudges. I am listening to her closely…

Of course it can get better, it depends on what you both want. Without going into all our details, it has improved a great deal for my husband and me. We’ve been together 30 years, we’re still in love. It has taken a huge effort on my part after my hyster and various other probs. We’ve both tried and it has paid off. My advice: never give up, keep the double bed, use you imagination, be brave, have fun, practice, practice, practice and never forget making love is essential for the mind, body and soul.