Yawn … what was?! pppffffttt … what will be seems to be on my mind.

Phyllis, that poem is simply amazing.

My childhood was pretty well, bad. So my first love’s love hit the desert and I bloomed in so many ways. But he was very good looking and not about to settle down. Broke my 20 year old heart. Flash forward 17 years, I had gone back home & tried to find his place of business with my sister to say hello. For some reason we just couldn’t find it. So I called him when I got back home and the first words out of his mouth when I said “This is Shannon” was “Are you married? I am, and I’m miserable.” Stopped me cold. My first heart beat was: “He still loves me!” The second heart beat was “Mr. Player is still playing and I’m not falling for it”. It was very strange to be on the other side. I realized this guy was never going to be satisfied. But it broke my heart to realize that this was the person that I had been in love with. People had tried to warn me, but he was so sweet I didn’t believe it…ah youth!

“So my first love’s love hit the desert and I bloomed in so many ways.” what a beautiful sentiment, Shannon S. … another one of those delicious wow-questions … so many touching reflections: from Rilke and Wordsworth to the two fabulous posts about the monogrammed handkerchiefs to the good ol’ country songs (all about those who got away) … and yes, Mugsy, “Only one?…” I often think about “what might have been…”: - the first great love - we ran our school’s theatre group together at age 18, just before university … he has four beautiful daughters now, and I am friends with his ex- and current wives, and his daughters, and, yes, him too … they all still live in the old home-town … so there, I am the one who got away (thousands of miles across an ocean…) - the wild groupie crush/affair - an Irish rock musician (black Irish gorgeous…), who was lovely enough to bring presents (did he do that for all the girls in all the towns on tour…?) and I still have those little books, cards, scarves, art work and the records (yes, vinyl…) and the most wonderful memories of two amazing summers … by astonishing coincidence I saw his name on a CD rack a few years back (the band no longer exists, but obviously he’s still putting out music, very different and very grown-up) and my heart skipped quite a few beats when I saw his picture: absolutely gorgeous still … how did I ever let that one get away?… - the even wilder lovely Southern gentleman who I married later in life for ten crazy years … we now speak again, after another ten years and another ocean safely between us … if we hadn’t needed so many ‘other’ things (bourbon, women, work, attention…) what got away there was not so much ‘the one’ - but the idea/ideal of what we could have been and done together… So, I am with Joan Juliet Buck here: “A line from Rilke rings a bell for the greater tragedy, the one I never met : “You who never arrived, who were lost from the start…”

To the one who got away>>> I imagine that in our heart of hearts there is always someone who we thought would have been the one,did get away..But in my case , I never had a chance to know. There are many who we thought would be a good match and in reality we really never knew the real person. Many times all of us wear different masks to cover the real person, so it is hard to know if what you see is what you will get. I am not saying that to be illusive, but there are reasons for why someone that we thought we knew ,did not actually appear in real life. We all have things we hide from others and when the rubber meets the road, then we can look back and see yes, that would have worked and no that would not have set well with me. This is all after the facts and somehow with learning about our ownselves we learn about others too. This is all in timing and when timing is off with either one or the other.. I see how blessed we can be in timing of love and passion. Passion in life itself and how we all grow at different speeds and in different ways. This is not a question for the ones who have that special person in the lives now, but for the past or for the future. Life is for living in the now and somehow we always learn from the ones who got away or who never gave you a chance to find out for oneself. Many people have their guard up for rejection and never open themselves up for failure or for enjoying the friendships of life. When we do not , we miss out and I never want to be one who misses out on friendship or love . Having friends is the best find this side of heaven and you cannot have friends , if you are not friendly or open to being vulnerable. This entails not only in the romance department, but the learning from others that is so needed to be a full and even balanced partner for anyone else. We all need to be more open to hurt and loss ,for that will help us to live more fuller and to never have any regrets! Life’s lessons are painful sometimes, but that is what brings the creative life forces to the forefront. It is always better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all!!

Yes, from time to time when the home-fires suffer from a lack of oxygen, I do think of “him”. I know that the flesh and bone reality could ever be as fantastic as “he” is though. Nothing wrong with an occasional fantasy.

None of them “got away”. I booted them out. So no, I don’t think of them. I just keep hoping to find the right one.

I think of him every single day. He was “all” man with a feminine side.

His name is Paul. We have known each other since elementary school. We kept in touch a year or two after his mother died. I continue to look for him. I hear he is married and she is a real bitch. I don’t want to break up his marriage. I would just love to sit and talk like we use to. This is does not relate to the question of the day but…… Rest in peace Harvey Corman.

Love the “Marriage Bed” Liz. Makes a great statement about this topic. How does one ever know if the “one that got away” would have been the right one had he stayed? I just know that my life would have turned out totally different if things had worked out between us. Whether that would have been for the better or the worse I sometimes wonder. I have to say that I subscribe to the old adage “it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” but I also believe in kismet, so perhaps it was fated not to succeed. P.S. I just wanted to say that I am huge fan of yours Liz. Despite your rather frivolous occupation, there is a real depth to you and I enjoy your contributions to this site no end.

oh yes just yes the one who got away

His name was (is) Phillip. I still have his neckless and metal - St Christapher, I think. I’m not Cathlic so I’m not sure what it is called .. that aside, I think of Phillip often and sometimes I wear the neckless and say prayers his health and happiness. The last I heard was that he was a single father raising a daughter — but that was more than 30 years ago.