No comment.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, VIAGRA
We hope Pfizer bakes you a cake
To celebrate the work you do
In keeping the penis awake

You should get some kind
Of a Nobel Prize
For, in some cases,
You even increase the size

Big Pharma has also developed Cialis
And other drugs to help the phallus
So much money for this kind of research
While vaginas worldwide are left in the lurch

Oh, well, Happy Birthday, anyway
We’ll leave politics for another day

Lie down. Take it easy. You’ve been working too hard.

Could you people please keep your advertisements to yourselves?

I have no birthday greeting for Viagra. Had I been there at its birth I would have strangled it in its crib.

Happy Birthday, Viagra. But calm down!

I am thrilled for all the users of Viagra and all the many folks Viagra makes happy, which includes, of course, Pfizer, the company that produces it, and, presumably, their stockholders. I just really wish Pfizer — and the makers of Lunesta and Cymbalta and Lipitor and all the other endless remedies whose finer qualities are bandied endlessly about the airwaves — would shut up. I hate that Lunesta butterfly. The music of the Cymbalta ad irritates me so much I’m glad those people are depressed. And I really hate that perky woman who has finally relieved her constipation and bounds out of bed at six and leaves for work with a flower in her lapel. I am now firmly in the camp of Judge Thomas, the much-esteemed and imminently sensible grandfather of my close friend M.T., who stopped watching TV when they started advertising deodorant.

I don’t think we’ve ever met, but Billy Norwich wrote the funniest thing about you in the New York Observer when you first came out. Apparently you give men headaches as well as erections. Many of my girlfriends also report that their headaches have increased since you were launched.