Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it’s all over much too soon. Woody Allen~

My most serious disallution was that I couldn’t count on anyone to do anything I felt important to do, for me. My sheltered childhood was just an illusion. I was sheltered from the truth and reality of life by the way my parents chose to live. Life was so freakin perfect I never realized life was hard and I would have to count on myself out there. And to never be taught how to count on me…OMG! Then along comes a husband who trys to give me back my sense of comfort in my learned ways, by being all-knowing, all doing, and controlling my life. But he couldn’t keep up the ruse. He wasn’t capable of “doing it all.” So once again…learning to count on me and live by the motto, “If it’s to be, It’s up to me.”

That there really weren’t any “Ward and June Cleaver” family lives.

Back when I was raised—I’m a kid of the 40- 50’s—it was always “go to school, find a nice young man, marry and have kids and he will take care of you.” Boy, what that a lot of b.s. That was the first one. 1. The Republican Party is all inclusive. Discovered it isn’t back in the early 80’s. 2. You can trust the guys in the Oval Office. My fault; should have concentrated more on American Political History instead of pursuing the above mentioned boy in school. 3. The bible should be taken literally and if you are a good little Christian, nothing ever bad will happen to you. 4. Being the boss over an office full of women is easier than working with men. 5. The SEC does its job, and we can trust our investments to the managers on Wall Street. 6. It’s easier to find a date if you are older than when you were school age, especially if you are somewhat attractive and fun to be around. 7. Money doesn’t buy happiness, and the best things in life are free. Well, that’s true, but it sure makes misery and misfortune easier. Unless you have it invested with Madoff…

This one is easy! The day that I found out a man really could cheat on me. Decades of listening to girlfriends and female family members lament about how men are nothing more than cheaters, liars, dishonest pigs. And I was always the only one among them that would argue “No, they aren’t….not all of them. Most men are honest and trusting.” I said it and I truly believed it. I couldn’t fathom any of the men I chose to be in a relationship would betray my trust in them. I always prided myself on my ability to choose wisely when it came to men. The only flaw on my part in that regard was I have a difficult time relating to shy/quiet people, and almost all of then I fell in love with were shy. And then it finally happened to me. I became one of those women burned by a man I trusted and I realized the beautiful, confident, secure, sexy and seductive “any man would be blessed to have me” Belinda wasn’t above being cheated on. What an eye opener.

IMPERMANENCE For just a moment—for just a moment I was lost in a sweet place— Where it is possible to feel that dissolving of self into minute particles that magically crystallize creating layers upon layers of brilliant jewel-like bedrock where no anvil or blast can break through though even now I know that not to be so— Nothing lasts.

Liz said what I think as eloquently as it can be said. Marilyn Monroe said it well, too, with “Dogs never bite me. Just humans.”

I wasted my entire youth trying to figure out how life is organized, so that I might better fit into it —- only to learn that it isn’t organized at all.