Mommy Dearest, I had no idea Marilyn had something quite so profound. She really was very intelligent, I believe. Such a terrible loss of amazing life.

Thinking I was going to get a job this year in order to save my home. I am a single mother of five children 3, 4, 5, 9 & 11. There is NOW an auction sale as of 1/15/09 of my home. The only thing my 11 year old daughter wants for Christmas is to keep her home! I am doing everything I can. I apply for jobs daily, and I have only been on three interviews this year. I have a Bachelor’s Degree and owned a sanitation company for 10 years, and I still can not get a job. Now my family is faced with being homeless.

I recall my first sense of disillusionment (which manifested as deep fear within): it’s that I was ready for “life” once I graduated high school (Yikes). It was a good many years…okay, decades…that I realized the actuality that my parents did not have any intentions of nurturing, in that they resented any achievement or thwarted them if perceived early enough when we kids were young…and it had nothing to so with money. Some say once we are adults we are on our own, but what I have come to realize is that we all need the basics of healthy nurturing as a foundation. So, I would have to say that my biggest disillusionment is when I realized through life the very real lack of interest my parents had in caring, nurturing my interests or attempts to achieve success in my life. There’s another disillusionment: that there isn’t always another chance around the corner in some areas of life. When I was younger I didn’t realized that there are only so many door of opportunity to knock on! Then, one day I realized, wow, there isn’t another lover waiting behind a door, that was it. You never know when it was “it”.

My biggest disillusionment was believing that if I pursued education, stayed current with world events, read the best journals, books, and literature; and if I attempted to excel in history, politics, science, and social events, I would be well informed to give credible answers to most questions. Instead, I feel gravely inadequate, and I now realize that I will never ‘know’ as much as I would like to know about truly understanding the problems of mankind respective to life and death, war and peace, love and hate, hope and despair, kindness and cruelty, innocence and wisdom. I feel disillusioned realizing that, although I’ve learn a lot during my many years, there is so much I have yet to learn on this (sometimes tenuous) journey called, life.