213 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment
Mostly: Financial worries. How I’m going to pay for college? Have I saved enough for retirement? And then: Will I die alone? Will I ever love or be loved again?
Troubled thoughts, my bladder and reenacting the prior days events on how I would have done or said something different…basically editing the days thoughts and actions. I’ve just realized while reading what I just wrote that there is a great deal of self-doubt surrounding my decisions. I have to change that!
Some nights it is the loud snores and snorts of my husband- or maybe that is me? The whole another-run-to-the-bathroom or which one of the “kids” (none under 27-years-old) has left me with some worry or another!
When I sleep at night, I listen to talk radio throughout the night, but I listen online since it is a AM station and my nightstand radio is all staticky, but sometimes for some strange reason, the stream stops and I am sleeping in complete silence……oh how it wakes me.
Lately my dreams have sped up. By 5 am, they’re done. My subconscious hands the job over to the conscious, which wakes me up with frickin’ money worries. Addition and subtraction. Multiplication and division. For the first time in my life, I can do this in my head. And I’m not happy about that.
A spark of genius in the form of an innovative thought, phrase, a poem, the theme for an article/commentary…or a spark of gratitude and the need to go in my 8 year old son’s room and give him a kiss.
I used to do that… wake up to write. Now, I don’t know what wakes me up. I keep water by my bed. Usually, if I sit up for a minute and drink a little water, I’ll fall right back to sleep when I lay back down. Sometimes, if it’s four or later, and I’m really awake, I’ll yank on some sweats and take my dog, Henry, out to watch the day break…which is always sweet. Some nights I wake up every two hours, and usually it’s no big deal because I don’t have to be anywhere the next day. But it can be annoying when I do have a morning appointment. It’s “safer” just to stay awake.
I think it’s all a symptom of the sleep deprivation I inflicted on myself when my kids were little…and sleep was just an annoying interruption to the daily quest for income and security.
I go to bed early, and so by 4:00 or 5:00, I’ve had enough sleep. I love getting up when the world is quiet. I’ll go to my office in the dark, make a mug of coffee, sit with my laptop. I’ll check my email, my on-line sites, and then get to work. It’s my favorite part of the day.
I arise at 4am everyday thanks to my cats and to the fact that i worked graveyard for 25 years. I always dreamed of sleeping late after i retired but it didnt happen. Also..it is the very best time of the day for solitude and thinking.
213 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment