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Question of the Day | 09/18/2008 12:00 am

Today is Greta Garbo's birthday. At what times do you want to be alone?

© Getty Images
Candice Bergen

Candice Bergen | 09/18/2008 12:00 am

Candice Bergen Always Wants To Be Alone

The trouble is I always want to be left alone. In fact, I have to fight it. Especially as I get older; I have become increasingly reclusive. Thank God I am married to a world-class schmoozer who is active and engaged and pulls me out of my Swedish shell. As does my daughter.
Mary Wells

Mary Wells | 09/18/2008 12:00 am

Mary Wells Is Never Alone

I am almost never alone because so many friends hover even when they aren’t with me, and there are always issues I am late handling so phones ring and BlackBerries buzz most of the time. I have lived this way communicating from so many places that when I feel alone it is a surprise and it is fun. But not important.
Liz Smith

Liz Smith | 09/18/2008 12:00 am

Liz Smith: Garbo Never Said, 'I Vant to Be Alone!'

As no one seems to know, Garbo never said, "I vant to be alone!" She said, "I vant to be left alone!" Big difference.

For myself, I want to be left alone pretty much late at night so I can get in bed, collect my thoughts, read all the stuff I missed during the day, scribble answers to mail and compose myself for the next day’s onslaught.

Living alone has its advantages – and disadvantages.

Click here on this text to read my New York Post column.

Joan Juliet Buck

Joan Juliet Buck | 09/18/2008 12:00 am

Joan Juliet Buck Wears This to Ward Off People

I used to see her in New York when I was 18 — walking, very fast: a tall figure in a long coat, hair hidden in a turban, wearing sunglasses, slacks (they were still called slacks) and platform sandals with socks. Needless to say, I have tried to make this my outfit — and guess what? People leave me alone.

Judith Martin

Judith Martin | 09/18/2008 12:00 am

Judith Martin: No Escape!

When I am in the bathtub, reading. Family members who do not understand are given to shouting helpful announcements ("The telephone is ringing!" "I think I heard the doorbell!") through the door.
Joan Ganz Cooney

Joan Ganz Cooney | 09/18/2008 12:00 am

Joan Ganz Cooney Likes To Be Alone Often

I like being alone much of the time partly because I’m forever trying to catch up with my reading. Even though I had two siblings to whom I am close, I always felt like an only child. I often resent the intrustion of the phone or the needs of my big extended family or even my husband if he’s around all the time (four weeks in August at our weekend house can get awfully long). For me, friends and socializing are the spice of life but not the main meal. On the other hand, I’d hate not having my husband’s company at dinner and on weekends and not having any interruptions from others which as often as not bring joy.
Julia Reed

Julia Reed | 09/18/2008 11:20 am

Julia Reed's Inbox Channels Garbo

As Liz points out, Garbo said, "I want to be LEFT alone," which, even though I am not a world-famous Swedish movie star, I totally get. About once a day, I get a message on my iPhone that my mailbox is 99 percent full. First thing in the morning I sit down and answer or delete at least 30 or 40 messages as a desperate measure because my e-mail gets bounced back when I have 1000 messages. These voicemail and e-mail lists are like albatrosses — they pile up and then I can’t face them. I feel like I did in college when I skipped so many classes, it was too embarrassing to go back or beg the professor for understanding, so I’d drop the course or – worse — take a failing grade. Last week, I spent two solid days doing nothing but going through e-mail and I got rid of about 300 and now they’re back again. I also hate that there is virtually nowhere safe — people can get you anywhere, anytime. If they allow cell phones on planes, I’ll just die. I love that feeling of suspension. For a few hours, you are free to answer to no one and to listen to only the sound of your own voice (if you’re lucky). Planes are where I get some of my best writing done. I remember that after Katrina, cell phones and even landlines far from the storm center did not work for weeks. It was one of the very few silver linings of the storm — you were cut off, you couldn’t get calls, much less return them, and you had an excellent excuse.

Of course, I am being a bit disingenuous. Because when I want to reach someone myself, I’m annoyed as hell when they don’t answer the phone or call or e-mail me back — immediately. Still, I think we’ve lost something with all this instant communication. There are no boundaries. When I was a kid, I wasn’t allowed to call someone’s house after six o’clock in case they were having dinner. Now there is never a moment when you’re not available and the idea of bad manners has reversed. Now it’s bad manners NOT to be open to this constant stream of interruptions, during the now-quaint idea of the dinner hour or any other time.

As for simply being alone, full stop, I like that too, but usually less than I think. When I really hit a wall, I take the dog down to my mother’s beach house on the Gulf Coast of Florida, and I read and sleep and walk, and after about three days, I find myself dying to chat — to anyone. I have a few glasses of wine and start yakking on the phone to the very same people whose calls I don’t take when I’m feeling harried. Or I strike up long conversations with people I would usually only nod to at the bar of the local restaurant when I am waiting for my takeout dinner. Gone are my Clint Eastwood scowl and New York Times to cover my face. By the time my husband arrives for the weekend I am thrilled beyond words to see him. In the end, I am about as far from Garbo as anyone could get. I am a pretty social animal. I just need a time manager — or a shrink — to help me clean out and manage my in-boxes.

40 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Ms. Dee
I’m like Candace. Only without the husband to get me out and about. Henry’s always with me, but a dog is a whole different animal. I have a few friends whose company I genuinely enjoy, one who drops by, one I seek out, one I chat with or e-mail. But everytime I launch myself out into the world, I’m always so relieved to get back to my own little nest where I can tend to my own expectations and not feel obligated to meet everybody else’s. I lived in the whirlwind for years, and somewhere along the line it just lost its charm.
By Ms. Dee on 09/18/2008 6:06 am
thatsoutherngirl k
I just want to be “left alone” just long enough to pee in peace. If it’s not the kids, it’s my bulldog.
By thatsoutherngirl k on 09/18/2008 6:26 am
Dona Howlett
I just needed a good laugh……………..thanks
By Dona Howlett on 09/18/2008 11:34 pm
Bella Mia
After any big outing or activity, I desperately need time to be alone. I am an introvert raising a whole tribe of extroverts and their over-the-top energy and enthusiasm is enjoyable - but it slays me.
By Bella Mia on 09/18/2008 7:56 am
carol wilson
I’ve always needed time alone and cannot really understand people who must have someone with them at all times. When I am alone, I enjoy the wonderful quiet, think great thoughts, and contemplate my navel. Being alone restores me so I can cope with lifes demands and all the bad news from the stock market, hurricanes and poisoned baby formula.
By carol wilson on 09/18/2008 7:57 am
Belinda Joy
For me its Saturday and Sunday mornings. Those are the times I relax, sleep late, chill and just be…… I don’t know if I could sustain my sunny disposition throughout the week without my “me time” early on the weekends.
By Belinda Joy on 09/18/2008 7:58 am
phyllis Doyle Pepe
I have always treasured being alone. I love the silence. I have always been a gregarious, garrulous individual, but I now find I have to force myself to get out and be with friends––I could go days without seeing anyone (except my husband, of course, but he leaves me alone–he has his own “stuff” to occupy him). Yet I know people that cannot stand to be alone and if they are they have the TV on all the time or music. The real problem could be that the aged are unprepared for a life without the extensive distraction and over-stimulation that our modern culture so readily offers. what Pascal said in his famous comments on diversion could be right: “The sole cause of man’s unhappiness is that he does not know how to stay quietly in his room.”
By phyllis Doyle Pepe on 09/18/2008 8:15 am
HoBo Economy Thanks Bush-McSame
Phyllis, Well, I’m not aged and have always agreed that people need time alone to reflect and just be as much as they need a pleasant society…if that is nature, a wonderful dog, or even one true friend. I’ve always had two speeds…very gregarious or needing to be alone… And this question reminded me that one of my brothers (not the one who just died) has to always have noise/action/people. He has a massive McMansion in what my sister calls “Beverly Hills of the Rockies” just he and his wife life there and every electronic thing is always on. Drives me insane. Literally, when have been there….leave and teeth are chattering and take hours to decompress with quiet classical music and a fire, or sitting by an open window breathing in fresh air. To me all of that noise is so damaging. I must have fresh flowers, order, peace, beauty and calm and a bunch of silly people talking about silly things, overeating things that were thrown together and lots of ambient noise…just doesn’t cut it for me. Never has, never will. My other brother and I were exactly alike. His home was peaceful, his children seriously musical, and every night at sunset out in his sailboat with his dog and his two boys.
By HoBo Economy Thanks Bush-McSame on 09/18/2008 9:45 pm
Barbara Taylor
I enjoy being alone on Saturday and Sunday mornings. My quiet time. If it was not for my friends asking me to go places, I’d be a hermit. But I still have the phone and internet to give me some sort of contact.
By Barbara Taylor on 09/18/2008 10:09 am
Jozie Lee
I want to be alone when I’m reading a novel.
By Jozie Lee on 09/18/2008 11:21 am
J B
I want to be alone when I’m stressed, so that I can “process” the causes of the stress and work it out. My dogs really don’t understand the “alone” thing though! They actually help with stress, so they’re allowed in when no one else is. I want to be alone when I’m working on my needlepoint…so I don’t have to hear “Whatcha workin on? Who’s it for? How long is it gonna take you to finish?” Oh, and I LOVE to drive alone…so I can turn the music up as loud as I want, open the sunroof, etc. without anyone whining.
By J B on 09/18/2008 12:34 pm
Wafaa El  Jusmani
aphenomenal actress and everybody needs time to be alone at one time or another. The most important thing is to respect every individual’s privacy.
By Wafaa El Jusmani on 09/18/2008 1:46 pm
Jane Cougar Melonhat
I need time to be alone. Always did. Otherwise I don´t function properly. Without my alone-time I get cranky … and I mean, REALLY cranky!
By Jane Cougar Melonhat on 09/18/2008 2:28 pm
Pamela Munro
We have a sailboat to get away to and avoid regular communiques as much as possible - but not there is instant messaging and I can get my email on my PHONE. Try to put the important folks in folders & avoid the rest.
By Pamela Munro on 09/18/2008 5:16 pm
Diana T
I have to have my mental space each and every day. And, I love to have breakfast with just my paper and my coffee. My late husband both enjoyed our solitude, especially during our breakfasts.
By Diana T on 09/18/2008 9:00 pm