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Question of the Day | 09/24/2008 12:00 am

What do you think is the real reason men are afraid of women over 50?

© iStock
Candice Bergen

Candice Bergen | 09/24/2008 12:00 am

Candice Bergen: Are Men Repulsed by Women Over 50?

Most men are afraid of women over 50. Or repulsed. But my wonderful husband only was interested in older women who were age-appropriate. When he lost his first wife, people tried to fix him up with young models and he said he would only be interested in meeting their mothers. But he is an exceptional, singular guy!
Joan Juliet Buck

Joan Juliet Buck | 09/24/2008 12:00 am

Joan Juliet Buck: The Root of Man's Fear

They are afraid of finding themselves in bed with their grandmothers.
Mary Wells

Mary Wells | 09/24/2008 12:00 am

Mary Wells on What Men Want

Men I liked have never been afraid of me that I am aware of and most of the women I am close to take such good care of the men in their lives they are anything but frightening. I know there are men who don’t like interesting women and that there are men who need reassurance by younger or outwardly sexy women but that is not my world and requires a good psychiatrist to get a good answer.
Judith Martin

Judith Martin | 09/24/2008 12:00 am

Judith Martin Is Afraid

They are? Uh-oh.
Joan Ganz Cooney

Joan Ganz Cooney | 09/24/2008 12:00 am

Joan Ganz Cooney: Real Men Aren't Afraid of Women Over 50

I don’t think real men are afraid of women over 50. I married my second husband at 50 and he didn’t seem the least bit afraid of me. Certainly some men, probably most, want younger women but that’s probably at least partially biological. Nature is nature and it is finished with women who are post-menopausal and that’s not true for men. But many grown-up men, the second time around, marry women in their 40s on up.

Liz Smith

Liz Smith | 09/24/2008 12:00 am

Liz Smith Separates the Women From the Girls

Oh, for God’s sake. Who says they are? They are more likely just ignoring or overlooking women over 50 and this is because they want something from younger women that they think w.o.f. can’t give them. But if they are smart, they cultivate w.o.f. because we have all the answers. And now and then, we have just what they want. (I suppose the quick psychoanalytical answer to this question is that w.o.f. remind them of their mothers.) 

Click here on this text to read my New York Post column.

72 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

J B
It may be that some men can’t handle a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to say so…I will be fifty next year…my husband is eight years younger than I am, and like Candice’s husband, when he was dating after his divorce, he had no desire to date the twenty somethings his middle aged friends were chasing. He said they had “nothing to bring to the table”.
By J B on 09/24/2008 7:25 am
Sheryl S
J B, I agree with you, I think you hit it right on, “some men can’t handle a women who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to say so” If that is intimidating to a man, then I would think they are only looking for a “plaything” and not a mature relationship. I think women 50 and over are awesome today, they are certainly nothing like my grandmothers day. So many are so beautiful and so smart, I truly admire this age group. I think this age group knows who they are and best of all they LIKE who they are, I love the confidence level of women 50 and older women.
By Sheryl S on 09/24/2008 8:27 am
Dr. Mark Klein
Allow me to reframe the issue. It’s not that men are afraid of women over 50 per se. Rather the issues turn on reality matters like health risks, declining beauty and sexual allure, the successful prior use of the divorce courts to clean out an ex and damage the children, and nowadays women’s hypertrophied sense of self importance and romantic expectations while giving very little in return. Giving the above its due consideration I only date women in their 60s. Takes some doing to find them but there are some fabulous ladies out there. Nothing beats emotional and physical intimacy of a sexually alluring kindred soul out your own generation and cultural background who is financially independent, well educated with a generous and kind heart.
By Dr. Mark Klein on 09/24/2008 12:04 pm
HA BIBI
Well Mr. Klein, Having said all that, just don’t marry that “financially independant woman” with a generous and kind heart, as if you do, and she decides to wrinkle, and you, decide she is no longer sexually alluring, and you go on to find one that is…..Well, she might just own some of your independant wealth and no longer be identified as that one with a generous and kind heart, LOL :)
By HA BIBI on 09/24/2008 1:36 pm
Dr. Mark Klein
Elaine—Why on earth would prosperous seniors with will beneficiary children and grandchildren marry? Marriage for us is a potential financial and perhaps emotional suicide should things go wrong. Did marriage a couple of times. Was worth it for the children but otherwise at least for men marriage generally sucks. It’s a man’s world today for guys with means, smarts, and a skeptical attitude about romantic love claptrap women so worship.
By Dr. Mark Klein on 09/24/2008 2:39 pm
HA BIBI
LOL. I agree, Marriage is truly of the heart and not scripted on reems of paper. However, Marriage equally sucks for women too, that are married to brainless no clued men. Quite happy to report, this is not my situation. I must correct you Mr. Klein, men only think it’s their world as we women are sitting on a gold mine that all you men wish to go mining in…Now honestly, You tell me who rules the world? :)
By HA BIBI on 09/24/2008 3:12 pm
Dr. Mark Klein
Elaine—Re women’s gold beats me why men enter marriage without receiving financial consideration. The dowry ss heart balm for taking on the responsibility of raising a family and the inevitable decline in a woman’s beauty often accompanied by an increasingly bad disposition.
By Dr. Mark Klein on 09/24/2008 4:35 pm
HA BIBI
Mr Klein, I gotta believe you have a heart in there and that you’re not as bitter, as you at times post, LOL :)
By HA BIBI on 09/24/2008 5:29 pm
Dr. Mark Klein
Elaine—When it comes to women, male neurons and heart strings should be in perfect alignment. As it’s total buyer’s market for men, there are infinite choices for those with patience and an eye for quality.
By Dr. Mark Klein on 09/24/2008 6:09 pm
HA BIBI
Ah Ha, to that statement, I most assuredly agree. :)
By HA BIBI on 09/24/2008 6:38 pm
Step away from the BLOG!
Sheesh. Get a room you two.
By Step away from the BLOG! on 09/24/2008 8:10 pm
HA BIBI
Feeling left out? LOL
By HA BIBI on 09/25/2008 6:12 pm
irish bell
Marriage was only worth it for the children? That’s really very sad….. you married the wrong women…
By irish bell on 10/03/2008 4:12 pm
Kathleen E Lo Pinto VIgnolini
Well, Dr M K ” Nothing beats emotional and physical intimacy of a sexually alluring kindred soul out your own generation and cultural background who is financially independent, well educated with a generous and kind heart.” Spoken like a truly immature male specimen! Like it’s been said before & after here, men are afraid of women who “know what THEY want out of life”, and are too smart not to fall into the “I need a man to survive” trap! Women over 50 are secure in themselves, have a life store of knowledge and direction, and dare to speak up for what they want & believe in. These days, women over 50 are savvy and sassy. The average man doesn’t like either, he’d rather go for the pampering one and if she’s a cutie all the better! He doesn’t want his Mother, but a woman like he thinks his grandmom was, docile, coddling, and thinking of him alone! Too many men think with their zipper down!
By Kathleen E Lo Pinto VIgnolini on 10/11/2008 9:44 pm
Sam Mirando
In general, women under 50 have to devote much of their energy to raising families and, if they work outside the home, to their jobs as well. When less of their energy and intellect is required to run their homes, they can devote more energy and intellect to those non-domestic “big-world” issues that concern men and women equally. In this equalized arena, women easily outshine men because women have been multitasking and solving problems of infinite variety for decades. Men find that they have basically been plodding along and, suddenly, here come these formidable women of 50+ who have gained confidence and experience while the men weren’t paying much attention. And then the men are afraid, very afraid… Of course, I am generalizing, but the question required a generalized answer, didn’t it?
By Sam Mirando on 09/24/2008 7:42 am