I have collected/invented far too many recipes over the years to have one I call the very best, but I did name my friend Jason Epstein’s crab cakes the “best crab cakes ever.” Besides being a brilliant editor, writer, and entrepreneur, Jason is the best cook I know. He can’t remember where these crab cakes came from, but he first made them for me on my 28th birthday. In the almost twenty years since, I have made them myself countless times, in every size (small ones are great as passed hors d’oeuvres), with a classic homemade tartar sauce (really rich with the buttery crab cakes) and (better yet) with a tart tomato vinaigrette (cook down diced, peeled and seeded tomatoes on top of the stove for at least a half hour, put in blender with salt, pepper, olive oil, and lemon juice for a gorgeous creamy-looking sauce). They are the “best ever” because unlike most crab cakes they do not depend on breadcrumbs or any other filler to hold them together. The cream and butter mixture binds the lumps of crab, and holds them together just fine when the cakes are chilled. By the time the cakes are done cooking, the butter has melted inside, and what you bite into are warm lumps of luscious blue crab, food of the gods. Jason’s Best Crab Cakes Ever 1 ½ sticks unsalted butter, plus 1 to 2 tablespoons for sautéing 1 cup finely chopped scallions (including some green stem) ½ cup finely chopped jalapeno pepper ¾ cup heavy cream 2 teaspoons dry mustard Pinch cayenne pepper 2 pounds jumbo lump crabmeat, drained well, patted dry, picked over for shells 2 eggs, beaten 2 cups fresh white-bread crumbs, spread out in a baking dish 1 to 2 tablespoons vegetable oil 1. Melt 1 ½ sticks butter in a large skillet over medium-high heat and sauté scallions and jalapeno about 2 minutes, until bright green. Add the heavy cream and heat to boiling. Stir over medium heat 3 to 4 minutes, until the mixture thickens. Remove from the heat and stir in the mustard and pepper. Cool 5 minutes. 2. Place the crabmeat in a large bowl. Gently fold in the scallion mixture. Form uniform cakes by placing spoonfuls of the crab mixture on a cookie sheet. (This will be messy, but do the neatest job you can.) Immediately place in refrigerator to harden, about 2 hours. 3. When ready to serve, beat the eggs in a shallow bowl and place the breadcrumbs in another shallow bowl. Melt 1 tablespoon butter and 1 to 2 tablespoons oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Working with half of the crab cakes at a time (keep remaining cakes in the refrigerator), dip each cake into the beaten eggs and coat with crumbs. Sauté until browned, 2 to 3 minutes on each side (turning cakes only once or they will break up). Drain on paper towels and serve immediately. Yield: 10 to 12 large crab cakes.

The only recipe I can claim to have invented: Burned Zucchini. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Okay, 375 degrees if you are apprehensive. Place two fairly large but not overwhelmingly huge zucchini squashes on a baking surface such as a pie dish, baking tray, whatever. Do not use salt, pepper, oil, seasoning or fat of any kind. Leave in oven for 90 minutes or two hours, depending on what other things you have to do. Check occasionally. Hope they do not explode. Remove — their skin will have become very thin and turned dark brown in places. Put each one on its own plate. Slit along the top, lengthwise. The inside of the squash will have turned into a smoky soup, essence of zucchini. Grind some fresh pepper into the slit, hand one plate to your companion , and eat. You can add olive oil, white truffle oil, grated cheese, but why ruin it? This is the Chicken Kiev of the vegetable world.

Sliced cucumbers with fresh dill, sour cream, tomato pulp, garlic and a bit of tarragon vinegar, oil and sugar.

The easiest and quickest. Open one can of Campbell’s Tomato Soup, add one can of whole milk, heat slowly, stirring and whipping constantly. Add one pat of butter, keep whipping. Add a few more tablespoons of milk. Make some thin buttered toast. Sit down with a spoon.

212-535-8888 - The Mansion Diner on the corner of 86th and York.

You have got to be kidding.

Mint chocolate chip ice cream. Here is the recipe – there is only one right way. 3 cups heavy cream 1 cup whole milk 2/4 cups of sugar 2 vanilla beans split or 2 tablespoons vanilla extract 4 egg yolks Add a few drops of green food coloring 1/3 cup of mini chocolate chips Plus 1⁄2 of one of the tiny bottles of Alcohol de Menthe Add the vanilla beans to the sauce pan with the cream and milk and sugar. Just before straining scrape the seeds from the custard base, if using the vanilla extract. Add to the base after straining. Heat the cream, milk, sugar in a heavy bottomed saucepan, stirring occasionally until the sugar is dissolved and the mixture is hot. Place the egg yolks in a bowl and whisk briefly. Still whisking, slowly pour in about one cup of the hot liquid. When the mixture is smooth slowly pour it into the mixture in the saucepan, whisking constantly. Cook over a medium heat until the mixture thickens slightly and coats the back of a spoon … about 8 minutes. Be sure not to let the mixture boil at any time or it will curdle. Strain the mixture into a clean bowl and use as directed in specific recipes. Pour the cooled mixture into the bowl of the machine and freeze 20 to 25 minutes. Makes one quart. (A quart of bliss.)