I remind him regularily that he is loved and greatly appreciated.

Gosh, I’m just flummoxed by this question. How to “please a man?” I grew up as a member of the “pleasing generation” and it’s taken years to realize that pleasing others is a no-win game. I think that wanting to make my loved ones happy, to do something that lights up their eyes a little, is a far better objective than “pleasing” them. Every good marriage I know of has mutual respect, and not “pleasing”, as its core component.

I only know how to please myself and i dont even try to please someone else………….worse a man!!!!!!!!!!. B true to yourself and the next person will have to shape in or shape out of your world….period!

I’m still trying to figure out how to please my husband of eleven years.

Keep expectations realistic and don’t expect him to keep putting the toilet seat down. He doesn’t expect you to keep putting it up.

IMHHO, all women from 18 to 40 should be required to read this thread. There is definitely a tone of hard won wisdom in the various responses to this question. I just left a very extremely abusive relationship: a marriage that lasted 31 years. When I was initially trained by Martha Beck to be a life coach, I was forced to get out of denial and face my own truth. “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free”. It’s Biblical and it’s true. I felt that this was part of being submissive. Living with that tangle of lies got me nowhere, but to a place where my soul and spirit was black and blue. Certainly, divorce is painful and traumatizing. However, living a lie and trying to live each day to avoid his verbal venom was far more disastorous and painful. I have worked on this issue for three years now and I’m finally approaching life from a place of real authentic Joy. The Joy that comes from the spirit and soul and not from another person. I’m only tied to the need to keep my thoughts in a place of Joy. That’s my first priority for self care. I share this with my coaching clients, who come to me with relationship issues. Pleasing others and being there for others like the men in my life is awesome. However, the minute my body feels restless, tightness in the shoulders and fatigued; I automatically know that this relationship with this person is not for me. Trying to please a man with toxic vibes is out of the question now. I never want to live that way again. Yet, there is a genuine desire to enrich the life of a man full of kindness and a caring spirit. When I find myself with such a man, the act of pleasing is instinctive. I don’t even have to think about it. It flows out of my spirit of Joy. The man is so energizing and giving that it is absolutely a no brainer to want to please and to instinctively know how to please him. Again, I shared this with my clients and this mindset produces great dividends for all concerned.

I remember seeing a movie once where the heroine was going through a divorce. At a therapy session, her counselor said something that’s stuck with me for years: “A man in your life is like icing on the cake — not the cake.” I always took that to mean that you stand a much better chance of having a great relationship with a man if you show up as an authentic, whole and fulfilled person — just on your own. So Patty, I agree with you that the “pleasing” in a relationship should be a 2-way street. — Karen Batchelor Visit me at http://midlifesatrip.com

I want to love wowowow, so I ignore the astrology/good hair, bad hair stuff and look for substance from women of substance I admire, and often I find it and enjoy it — including the humor. BUT COME ON! In the aftermath of Sarah Palin’s speech last night, wasn’t there something more meaningful to be asked than how to please a man?

Depends on the man. But I resent the question. Why do we have to please? We simply must learn to relate to any man or woman, friend, business associate, family member, and/or lover. It takes two people in the matter of pleasing. Both have to be interested and able to commit and be in the moment as much as possible. It’s a simplistic question. Shallow and girlie. Grown women know it takes two to Tango. With anyone. And each relationship is different and there are no formulas.

I agree, Mitzi. Many of us already have the answer in our head learned from some “hard won wisdom”. Sadly, I work with women, who are coming into their 30’s and 40’s feeling like failures, because they can’t keep their husband and/or significant other happy. Maybe these women would never be drawn to WOW. However, if they never hear/read this dialogue then they stay trapped in this prison of limiting thoughts.

Hmmmm, let’s see…do you want my real answer or my “made-for-TV-answer?” I think this is a dumb question. BTW, I have a happy marriage, and the reason is MUTUAL respect and a lot of fun. I don’t do “fun” to “PLEASE”, but to enjoy life.

It’s been my experience that I don’t acyually have to listen, just look as if I am; i.e. keep my eyes open & nod once in a while.

Knee-jerk reaction to this one for me was “I don’t worry about it, and I’m generally annoyed with the idea that women tend to think that they need to please men.” For people in general, I consider their thoughts and feelings as much as I can when I deal with them. I have limits that I will not cross for anyone, and the most important one is that I no longer allow others to take advantage of my good will. If a man wasn’t happy with that, I wouldn’t change to please him. My self-respect is worth more than any relationship.

Well, ladies - if I knew the best way to please a man, I would probably have one in my life. Since I don’t I’m guessing I haven’t a clue! At 62 I’m yet willing to learn.

Give him a six-pack and a mirror! :-)