Question of the Day | 09/04/2008 12:00 am

What's the best way to please a man?

Marlo Thomas | 09/04/2008 12:00 am

Marlo Thomas: Men Are More Sensitive Than You Think

(Isn’t there some sort of x-rated website that answers this question?) But I’ve found that the best way to please a man is to really listen to him. For all the battles between the sexes, I think men sometimes take a lot of heat as being "insensitive" or "not being in touch with their feelings." But I’ve learned that men are a lot more tapped in to what’s inside of them (their hearts and their heads) than we give them credit for — and that their feelings get hurt as easily as ours do. So my rule of thumb is to give a man precisely what I want as a woman — a partner who listens to him, cares about what he cares about and loves him unconditionally.

7 Comments

Candice Bergen | 09/04/2008 12:00 am

Candice Bergen's Seven Best Ways to Please a Man

Things for a man: paying attention to him is a no-brainer. Being present. Interested. Listening. Really. Trips he wants to take. Movies he’d like to see. Making him feel he’s — next to my daughter — the most important thing.

5 Comments

Joan Ganz Cooney | 09/04/2008 12:00 am

Joan Ganz Cooney: It's OK to Stroke a Man's Ego

If he’s a talker you’d better be a listener and if he’s not you’d better be an entertaining talker who has no problems of her own. And you’d better not spare the compliments.

1 Comment

Sheila Nevins | 09/04/2008 12:00 am

Why Sheila Nevins Is an Equal-Opportunity Pleaser

Why should I please a man more than a woman? I want to please those I love of any sex or gender. Or species, i.e., my dog Cornwallis.

6 Comments

Liz Smith | 09/04/2008 12:00 am

Liz Smith on Pleasing Men: Say 'Yes' A Lot

Listen. Keep your sense of humor handy. Say yes a lot.

Click here on this text to read my New York Post column.

0 Comments

Mary Wells | 09/04/2008 12:00 am

Mary Wells: The Way to Make a Young Man Happy

When he is young it is wanting to make love as much as he does. But somewhere along the way it becomes understanding that he is who he is and enjoying who he is.

2 Comments

Julia Reed | 09/09/2008 9:15 am

Julia Reed: It Takes Some Work

I know I am late coming in with this one, but I totally agree with Marlo regarding the best way to please a man. Listen to him. It’s what most people want, after all. If somebody were to ask me what I really want from a man with whom I’m in a relationship, I’d say to be really KNOWN — strengths, weaknesses, foibles, warts and all — and still be loved. That’s why I fell for my husband and I try to give him the same thing. I do not always do it, of course.

I think Marlo is right when she says we’re almost programmed to think men aren’t as sensitive as we are, that they don’t listen to us, but they are and they do. You just have to give them the opportunity. Sometimes I think men are even more sensitive than women and a lot of problems arise when women think they can get away with being flip or hurling an insult during a fight because the guys can take it. When I am at my worst, I want to blame things on my husband — "You don’t understand, you’re not listening to me." Usually when I say that, it’s the opposite. In the end, it is all about listening, knowing what makes them tick and loving them for it rather than taking advantage of it. Needless to say, there is no small amount of vigilance involved!

3 Comments

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84 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Hmm reading some of these responses pleasing a man seems soo simple or it should be sooo simple i guess for me the few things i think please a man are these: - go to bed with him every night. Shut down the computer, tv, text messages and end the night together - be flexable/adaptable. We all have busy lives and men are no exception to that. Gotta be able to roll with the changes and if we do gotta whine and snivel…….make sure they never hear it

By Cindy B on 09/04/2008 4:19 pm

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I think the best way to please a man is to make sure he knows he’s pleased his woman,a really smart woman knows the importance of this,no need to go into detail is there?

By carolann clay on 09/04/2008 4:42 pm

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Excuse me did I stumble on to the Glamour Magazine or the Playboy website? I don’t believe in setting out to “please a man”. That smacks too much as catch them at any cost or pander to them. It by the nature of the thing doesn’t allow for authenticity in a relationship. I don’t want someone to set out to intentionally please me unless it is for a special occasion like Valentine’s Day, my birthday, or a just because I love you gesture. I want to give and receive only what is genuine in a friend, lover, or family relationship. I know it is impossible all the time, but is none the less a worthy goal. How to please a man? If he is worth the effort: by being the best me I can be under all circumstances everyday. And quite frankly that should be enough for anyone.

By Cara Sims on 09/04/2008 5:42 pm

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You know what bothers me about this question? I think it should say,” What is the best way to please a woman?” I spent the better part of my life trying to please men, now it’s my turn, dammit. Or as the old mountain saying goes: If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

By Diana T on 09/04/2008 5:51 pm

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I have been married for 32 years we survived the alcoholl, economy, children and many losses, we are happier now than we have ever been and we are best friends. I don’t think you should do anything to please a man, I think that is the problem. You accept each other for who you are.

By Sandra Shepard on 09/04/2008 6:12 pm

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Well happy day, we have somehow slipped back into the 50’s when a woman’s job was to keep her husband happy or she might find herself uh, unemployed. Every womans magazine poured out advise on how to keep him happy. I find it almost unbelievable that we have steadily lost all the progress we have made since the women’s movement. I thought this would be a place for intelligent women to discuss important issues, but it seems to be deteriorating into another place where women chit chat about appearances and drivel. The country has deteriorated into a smoldering cauldron of problems and women are being advised to behave like a trained poodle.

By Marjorie Sunderman on 09/04/2008 6:18 pm

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How to please a man? Oh please. Who cares? I was going to be crude but didn’t want to offend any delicate stepford wives sensibilities. (eyes rolling)

By Linn Madsen on 09/04/2008 8:02 pm

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i did not think the question was how to ‘nab’ a man…(my post about food was a joke )….not asking for ‘strategy and ‘game plans’….or even how to “keep” a man… just how to please him….i don’t think there is any ‘rule’ as they are individuals and are not all the same…..and you have to ‘know’ him and hear him….and sometimes ‘read’ him…. i think you have to know who you are..and sometimes it takes years and some failed relationships to find that out…and to learn what you DON’T want…and when and if you are comfortable with yourself you will know when a person is right for you…when you are right for one another it is not alot of work to please one another….one huge thing in my relationship is laughter…and the other is space- something we both need and just naturally give to one another …..and when we are together we TALK and laugh have fun and we share many interests and have developed new ones from one another’s ……i think if it is a good relationship it is never an effort…after 10 years we both still enjoy doing things for one another….and still look forward to seeing one another at the end of the work day….it is a nice switch after two pretty horrible relationships, previously….for BOTH of us…

By donna nielsen on 09/04/2008 9:20 pm

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1st choose a non-negative man / mate because negative people are impossible to please - they don’t even like them selves. 2nd choose a man / mate who share some like desires and goals. 3rd (after 1 & 2 are complete) Simply be your happy wonderful self. Your love interest will be content and feel successful seeing you happy . We individually are responsible for our own happiness. Step 3 is not possible if you have not made wise choices in step 1 & 2.

By CC Carr on 09/05/2008 6:31 am

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Well, I’m getting ready to face my 15th wedding anniversary (which would be very rare for our generation) on Oct. 17th, and I believe that our key element was knowing when to be unconditional, alot of communication and understanding, we did go through a seperation of nearly a year, almost went through divorce and now realize the seperation saved our marriage, gave us time to regroup. We’ve always struggled together, made it through somehow and learned to appreciate the fact that we were capable of doing so. We do have our arguments like any other couple would, but it’s a matter of using those arguments to learn and grow instead of constantly playing blame game battles. Acceptance and Forgiveness also plays a huge roll in not just marriage but entire family as well. And the fact that we’ve never used food, sex or money as a resolve for any issues we’ve ever had. Just honesty. Goes much farther.

By Heidi Campbell on 09/05/2008 8:05 am

The best way to please a man? Find a man that mutally pleases you!

By Sheryl S on 09/05/2008 9:07 am

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Contrary to what most women believe, it is widely known that men who frequent call girls and prostitutes (for the most part) do so to get what they don’t get at home……validation. Granted it’s validation from someone who truly doesn’t know them and someone he’s paying….but its still validation in their eyes. Someone to listen to his woes, struggles, headaches and accomplishments WITHOUT countering with her list of woes, struggles, headaches and accomplishments. So in my opinion the best way to please a man is essentially to be his best friend and confidante with the added benefit of being the one to satisfy his physical desires. There is an old saying “when mama’s happy, the whole house is happy” the reality is that goes both ways.

By Belinda Joy on 09/05/2008 9:24 am

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The best way to please a man? Hmmm…first it starts with being happy with who you are and the rest just falls into place.

By thatsoutherngirl k on 09/05/2008 10:36 am

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Let’s get real ladies. What kind of pleasing are we talking about. As far as the politic stuff goes, leave that for another time and place so we can take a break for the stress of the world and enjoy each others comments. Most men would be very happy if we told them exactly what we needed to be satisfied. Women are all different. I believe men get a lot of pleasure out of seeing the woman they are with get pleasure from them. On a lighter note, I like being my true self and the being able to cook is always a plus.

By Laura Van House on 09/05/2008 6:09 pm