No question, my dad ! He was only in my life 13 years, before dying from heart disease. With todays technology, he would still be alive. He was very caring and patient. He was a teacher before going into the military. We had wonderful conversations and we were close. I have missed him everyday for over 40 years ! My mother should never have had children, I have a half brother raised by my grandmother and had a younger brother that took his own life years ago. My mother and I were never close, she is very difficult to deal with. She got so mad at me when my grandmother died that she disinherited me. We had been extranged for over 25 years. She celebrated her 90th birthday last year and I attempted calling her, (she lives 600 miles away) I was unable to reach her. I ran into a friend of hers and she gave me her number and said she thought my mother would like to hear from me. I called her, told her who I was, I wasn’t sure she knew who I was so I continued talking. Finally she said ” Didn’t you used to be my daughter ?” That said it all! I said yes, I guess I used to be. I told her about her grandchildren, her great grandchild, she is very unemotional. I have spoken to her several times over the past five months, it’s like talking to a neighbor that you don’t know very well. She still has a lot of anger. She is extremely vague about how she spends her time. When I mentioned that I would like to go and visit her, she said no, you can’t come, I don’t want you to see my house. She said it was a mess, I told her I could help her but she said she didn’t want me to. I’m not sure if I should honor her wishes or I should go and see what her living conditions are.

Both of my parents were SO important to me. If I had only known how important earlier!!!! My mom died in 1992 at the age of 72 and my Dad died in 2004 at the age of 87. They were both bright, kind, giving, loving, well-rounded people with love for us and for each other. Mom was quick witted, a fantastic cook, loved puzzles and games and anything involving the English language. She also loved music from all decades, and instilled that in each of us and consequently in her grandchildren. Dad was the most selfless man I’ve ever met. He was kind to a fault. Every single person without exception that ever met him loved him instantly. He was so schooled in history and in the English language and his and Mom’s love for knowledge was remarkable. I miss them so much. I truly do feel like an orphan. My life has less meaning with them gone. Their presence in my life was extraordinary and special. I talk out loud to them many times a day and cry over not being able to call them or speak to them. I have a craving in my heart to hear their voices and feel their hugs. My Mom was Jewish and my Dad was a sounthern “christian” boy. They met on Christmas Eve in New York and my Dad was shipping out during WW11 the next morning. They talked all night and wrote to each other the whole time he was gone. As his ship limped in after being hit (he was on a destroyer) he couldn’t wait to see hi Sara again. So, after docking in California, he journeyed across the country to New York and married his Sara after only seeing each other once. They stayed together until her death and he never remarried. We call it “the greatest love story ever told”. You would love the whole story. So, both parents were equally important to me, because they were my heroes and they allowed me to be their hero too. That is how they treated everyone. Everyone was special in their eyes. God, how I miss them. Michele

Unfortunately, neither my mother or my father. My mother was so narcissistic and was always involved with my brother—I could never meet her standards. My father traveled all the time, so he too was unavailable. Finally, my brother terrorized me, so I was left totally alone. I grew up feeling ‘less than’ and not worthy, however, I have recently realized that my family was presenting me keys to my own self-worth, except in a backwards way. I finally have taken my key to stand up for myself, know that I am an intelligent woman and do not need others to clarify my worthiness for me. I am a loving, strong woman and am pleased to announce such to the world.

A weekend alcoholic that became abusive to his wife in his drunkenness. The second of their 4 children often prayed for his death. Never mind his physical and mental abusive outbursts, gambling and adulteress behavior; his widow now so proudly recounts the wonderful times they shared and so proudly states the fact that they were married for more than 57 years. An outsider would say that he was a fitting husband, attentive father and a constant provider for his family. He never missed a day’s work because of his seemingly uncontrollable urges. I resented his physical being and especially enjoyed his drunken weekend that kept him away for two days. Neither I, nor my siblings ever had a need for anything and were granted many of our desires. You see, life gives us so much knowledge that someone’s story cannot give its full account into a person’s past. You see, we all have baggage, good and bad. In later years my grandmother told me that my father, as a child, had a horrible accident on a farm where he was dragged by a horse with the harness hung around his heck that left him with what was later believed to have caused a brain injury. I spent my teenage years hating him for what he was doing to mom and causing his family pain. Above all, at that time I couldn’t understand why mom would not leave him. She spent many years caring for him; you see he was an insulin dependent diabetic that in later years left him totally dependent upon her care. He was blessed, lived to be 80 and with all of his faults left a lasting impression on all of us. You see he never learned to read or write. Aside from his drunkenness, he had a quiet manner, extraordinary mathematical skills and an exceptional memory; shared many stories with us about his life living on a sharecropper’s farm. My mother now shares with me how much she misses him. I wish I could say the same. I am very close to my mother. She is my best friend. She is religious, patient, strong, honest, energetic, and would do anything for her children. At 87 she lives alone and we talk every day. I believe I am a stronger person having lived with hate in my heart and learned to love through experience and endurance. I cannot say one is more important to me than the other; I have learned so much from each of them however I am my mother’s daughter. God gave me to them and they both cared for me with what they had. I am here, I am healthy and I am at peace. I love them equally for what they have given me, I am blessed.

If there is a large white screen with a tiny black dot in the upper right-hand corner, which is more important?

I like to think that I am closer to my Dad, but in reality, I know I am not. Don’t get me wrong….I am Daddy’s girl, and I am very proud of it. He has always been the one I called on whenever I thought there was a problem with my car or there was a plumbing issue I thought he could walk me through over the phone. I especially came to depend on him when I was married because my husband was so inadequate on many levels, I felt my dad was the only one I could turn to. OVer the last three or four years, I have found myself relying on my father less and relying on my boyfriend more. The reason—Jeff is a lot like my father, and I know I can depend on him just like I have always been able to depend on Daddy. The relationship I have with my mother has always been good, but I have always felt like I was being judged for being overweight or making decisions that she “knew” were the wrong decisions. The funny thing is that most of my life has been a carbon copy of hers: being overweight, marrying an abusive man—her first physically abused her, my first mentally abused me—and now we are with basically the type of man…someone who wants to protect us and take care of us while at the same time, he wants us to take care of him. I love both of my parents deeply, and I cannot imagine my life without either one of them. I can see as I grow older just how blessed my life has been because of them and the examples that they set before my brother and me. They have taught me the importance of a good name/reputation, the value of hard work and discipline, and the importance of attending church and the role of faith in our lives.

I was always a daddy’s girl. Sadly, my dad died young. My mother and I always had “issues”, especially in my teen years, mostly because she was such a strong woman and I felt inadequate by comparison. Thankfully I think we resolved those issues before I lost her too. My dad gave me the best thing, an example of what a good, loving man is. My mom gave me a great example of what I could be.

Neither. My parents should never have had kids. They, however, lived the “formula”… grow up, buy house, have kids, marry them off to someone else so they becomes someone else’s problem. It was like being raised by abusive, yet, distant and disconnected zombies… My sister and I were beat over the slightest offense… shoes on the floor of your closet??? beatings… cry??? beatings… I have been married for over 22 years and have two wonderful daughters. When my oldest has a concert or my youngest has a game, it really never occurs to me that I should call my parents and invite them to the concert and/or game. They just have no interest in being a part of our lives. My parents are morbidly obese, and all they do is eat and watch television all day long. My mother does, however, call me when someone dies… she just loves to make the telephone call about someone’s death or tragedy… my sister and I call it the “death call”… “Did you get the Death Call today about Aunt Mary?”… “Yes, I got it”… I guess I could say that my mother has influenced me the most. When something comes up that I don’t know how to handle, I think… “what would my mother had done?”… then, I do the exact opposit…

very good question. obviously it brings up intense stuff for us all in the different ways we relate to each of our parents. my father was a classic relatively distant quiet type, however my brothers and i always had the sense that he taught us integrity, respect for him, individuals and for ourselves and the room to roam creatively or around the neighborhood, etc. we alsways had the sense we were taken care of, and allowed to make our own mistakes and grow from them. i definitely had a superman view of him for most of my life. life circumstances at this point are proving his all too human fallibity now that he’s in the last phases of life….our mother was narcissitic and had mental health (never addressed) and health issues which made our lives very difficult in her constant criticism, inability to please her no matter what, everything and nothing we did was ever seen as positive and always was about her rather than our own growth. thanlk god for the sense of one stable parent. i recall a conversation w/ my father from when i was in college and home for a weekend. there had been another incredibly vitriolic fight with my mother where she was blaming some unknown public humiliation on me yet again. I was sobbing and throwing my belongings back into my little car to head back to school. my father was trying to explain her yet again, and i said the boys and i don’t have a choice, she’s our mother, but you do, why didn’t you ever leave her rather than put up with her insanity, and to my dying days i will never forget his answer, “someone has to take care of her.” i recently relayed this story to some in laws, re: the mental illness of one of their own, and this aunt of my husband, replied, “now that’s love.” so you can see why i have had a lifetime of idolizing view of my father. though i am now able to see that he was not perfect, either.but he was always honorable.

More important to me is that nothing is by chance. Something is to be had by everything in life.