from Liz Smith’s reply….who are Elizabeth McCall and Sloan??? some literary reference I do not get????

did you have a mentor who helped with your career?

People generally learn to identify with the same sex parent, and relate to the opposite sex parent. But sometimes this is only apparent in hindsight. Twenty-five years ago my mother cheated on my father when he was ill headaches. It was a brain tumor. He got the diagnosis and she asked him for a divorce after 21 years of marriage. She was moving furniture out of the house, bedroom furniture, while he was sitting in the kitchen having arrive home from 3 weeks in intensive care after having brain surgery - but arriving home an hour early. So when I showed up to see him at the house, she had him sitting at the kitchen table while she and her boyfriend “ed” moved out the bedroom dressers. She left him the bed (I guess she figured he’d need it) - and she moved out of the area. I was 23, newly married, and the oldest of 4 children, the other 3 still at home. Now granny and I were in charge of his year long recovery. There are words for women like this. It took years for me to speak to her - and now we are on cordial terms. We speak about every 3 months. I talk to my dad, several times a week, and after one more surgery to implant a shunt, he is now 98% his old self.

MY DAD. I WAS THE ONLY GIRL, THE FIRST BORN IN A FAMILY OF FOUR WITH 3 BROTHERS. MY MOM GRAVITATED TO HER “MY THREE SONS”. MY DAD TOLD ME THE WORLD IS MY OYSTER AND THAT DOORS WOULD OPEN UP FOR ME. HE WAS RIGHT. I MISS HIM STILL AFTER HIS DEMISE 11 YEARS AGO. I HAVE A CORDIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOTHER, WHO IS FIERCLY INDEPENDENT.

I know how jan feels , i was abused by my brother and my mother and father just swept it under the rug. As for which one i would be closer too my answer is neither. My mother always made it clear to me that i was this big mistake in her life, my sister was her heart i was her daughter. She told me numerous times that if it wasnt for my father she woulda aborted me. Then my father who i idolized, i thought was superman and could do know wrong, turned out to be the worse possible man in my life. He always put me down and made me feel less of who i was , i always felt that i was in his way or bothering him. I tried to make peace with them both after i got married and had my daughter , but they still insisted on sweeping issues under the rug and for me thats not how i want to live my life nor the example i want to set for my daughter. Im at peace and happy i only hope that they are too…

My Mom was so special to me. I lost her in 1997 and miss her everyday. My parent’s divorced when I was 3 month’s old and my Mom and I moved in with her parent’s who I loved dearly. My dad never once made any effort to see me or have anything to do with me so i am now 51 yrs. old and do not know my Dad at all. my Mom gave up alot for me and she made sure I was loved and well taken care of . She did get remarried when I was 9 and he adopted me. My parent’s are both gone now but I had the best childhood.

This is a great question. One that I have encountered before. When I was in 5th grade some graduate student was doing some polling and one of the questions was, Who’s the boss of your family your mother or your father? Now that question threw me. I couldn’t figure it out. I can’t remember which answer I picked and I probably screwed up the poll. Being the youngest of 10, by the time I came along my parents knew what was and wasn’t important when you’re trying to turn a child into an adult. They were good people. I still don’t know who was most important. I consider myself very fortunate.

When I was 7 years old, my father’s Parkinson’s disease reared it’s head in full and ugly force. As time went on, he deteriorated rapidly. Once a robust 250 lbs., he wasted down to 98 lbs. His speech was incomprehensible, and he drooled constantly. My mother had pretty much always worked, and as his illness progressed it was certainly out of necessity, not to “fulfill” herself. She could never bring herself to put him in a home, and instead had a nurse come in and look after him while she was at work. Unfortunately, this meant that her life really consisted only of going to work and coming home to care for an ill husband and look after her two daughters. My father has been dead for over 25 years, yet I still can’t speak of him without crying. I deeply regret never having gotten to know him. Over the years, as I have mothered my son and daughter, I realize I am essentially the embodiment of my mother….both in positive and negative ways. Like her, I have made my children my life, and therefore not had room to have a close relationship with any of the men who have come into my life. Regrets, yes….and gratitude, for the strong loving example set by my mother.

MY dad died 4 years ago and Mom is still alive. But I can honestly say they are both equal in their importance in my life. I have learned much through both of them good and bad. I don’t think I could ever make a decision as to who was more important to me.

My mother was a very big influence on me because my father was absent. She taught me about everything from music (which is my first love) to shoes. My mother and I did not actually have a very good relationship during my teen years and on. The one thing that we did agree upon was that as a woman you have to take care of yourself and be responsible for yourself. My mother passed away in 2003 while visiting me in Florida. I am so glad that we let everything go before she passed away. She has made me a strong woman!

Suggested question of the day: What is is the most vivid or memorable dream you’ve ever had?

This is great site. Heard about it on GMA?, today with Charlie Rose. I loved the idea and now I love the site. Thanks. My mom died two years ago. I’m still trying to deal with the cruelty of her illness (Alzhimers) and then her death. I have been very angry with God. Been working on that because it only made me feel farther away from her. Made me question my faith, would I ever see her again? would she remember me? hold my hand, again? like Eric Clapton’s song…..I miss her every day. I thought that she would live well into her 90’s since the women in her life lived passed 100. She was a poet, a painter, a great mom. High maintenace for sure, not easy to get along with at times. Had strong opinions on everything, specially her kids. I miss that, too. My father and I never realy got along. She was the referee. He’s changed now, I don’t know him. I have the guy that I disliked stuck in my head. He still makes me nuts but I’m learning to have compassion, he was the best father he could be. My mom was tough to compete with.

My Mother, by far… My Father was an alcoholic, and probably should have remained single. My Aunt (his sister) made the remark once that Dad was “a kid who never grew up and had kids”. My Mother was the glue that held the family together. She was a cook, a nurse, a shrink, a counselor, a seamstress, a janitor, a laundress, a dentist and a mentor. Ma was not my friend - she was my Mother. On December 4th, 2000 God picked a rose for His very own.

My mother was most influential in my life. Though she passed on when I was on 12 years old, her time with me were so profound that to this day, I continue to use her as my barometer. As long as I stay on her right side, I know that I am doing right. Everyone should have a strong person like my mother in their life.

I discovered this because I watch late night T.V. Apparently the time differences have interfered with the question I was preparing to answer. What happens after you die? Do we only respond to the question of the day on the day? I couldn’t find it in the previous questions, but want to respond. Other’s responses set my thoughts to hover here and there. Both my mother and father were raised Baptists. When they went off to college, they discovered a whole new world…with my mother’s ending up with a Masters Degree in Philosophy. I was exposed to many different beliefs, but did not attend church. In college I had sorority sisters who had a great faith. It seemed to get them through thick and thin….so I began a search. It wasn’t until I was 35 , I chose to be baptised and accepted Christ as my Savior…My mother couldn’t understand how a daughter of hers could embrace the faith she had discarded. I am blessed that I was exposed to so many different beliefs because it has aided me in being open to others. ..My parents both chose to be cremated, but my mother in law, now 95 has made it very clear she does not want to be cremated. While I have this faith, I also wonder when someone says I knew someone who looked just like you, or thought just like you, but she was Japanese, or some nationality other than mine. One wonders whether one’s energy is spread about the continents…in each place…How are we meeting the challenges placed before us?…or when we die , does our energy then get to define itself elsewhere in another body as the people of Tibet believe. With the World’s now being “flat”, is there just only so much energy ?…as someone earlier stated …energy is never lost..but is converted. Yes, a Christian isn’t supposed to even consider those thoughts…but Ah…! The wonder of it all! Recently a friend’s mother chose to have her ashes placed in places she had lived that were landmarks in her life. The older I get, the more I learn that every life has had its hurdles. As another writer in this series said, she lives by the Golden Rule …though she’s agnostic… Again, I say, Ah! The wonder of it all! Our daughters were raised in the church I attended, but now they are on their road of discovery , taking a few side trips. As for my thoughts, I keep in touch with the Lord daily …I try to discover why different people are placed in my path.. It is wonderful to still be in the process of growing up