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Home › Money

Question of the Day | 03/03/2009 11:00 pm

Purse Confidentials: Would you lend money to a friend knowing that, chances are, you probably wouldn't get it back?

© Shutterstock
Joan Ganz Cooney

Joan Ganz Cooney | 03/03/2009 11:00 pm

Joan Ganz Cooney Has 'Lent' Money to Friends

Not only would, but have several times.

comments2 Comments
Liz Smith

Liz Smith | 03/03/2009 11:00 pm

Liz Smith on Benevolence: 'Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters'

Yes – and I have done it many times. In the past, an awful lot of people have lent me money with no guarantee of getting it back. Cast your bread upon the waters, I say. And I shall repeat Fred Friendly’s great axiom: "Nobody ever got rich stiffing waiters and under-tipping cab drivers."

comments1 Comment
Candice Bergen

Candice Bergen | 03/03/2009 11:00 pm

Candice Bergen: The Terms of Lending Money

I had always assumed that when you lend a friend money, do it on the understanding that it is a gift. If you can’t make that gesture, free and clear, be prepared to lose the dough and the friendship.

comments12 Comments
Jane Wagner

Jane Wagner | 03/04/2009 12:50 pm

Jane Wagner: 'Tis Better to Give Than to Receive

Yes, yes, yes, by all means. What’s a little bailout between friends? And it warms my heart to know I have friends who would do the same for me if necessary. However, it’s so much easier to give someone help than to ask for help for yourself.

comments4 Comments
Sheila Nevins

Sheila Nevins | 03/04/2009 5:45 pm

Sheila Nevins: 'That's What Friends Are For'

I would prefer to lend money within limits to someone who would not pay me back because then they would really need it. That’s what friends are for.
comments2 Comments
Read more about: Business, Finance, Friendship, Give Back, Love, Money, Relationships

64 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Chris Broersma
Yes.  Lending to a friend is sometimes giving to help and give it the name of lending so as not to crush their sprit.  Giving is something we all need to do with less strings and knots.
By Chris Broersma on 03/04/2009 1:07 am
Green Tears
Nicely said, Chris.
By Green Tears on 03/04/2009 8:28 am
siasp surate
If it is a friend that is probably the only way you should be willing to lend your money.
By siasp surate on 03/04/2009 1:31 am
Patrice Baldwin
On the other hand, Siasp, I’ve just started in a business that sends gifts to strangers without the expectation of it being returned. It escalates to where I get others gifting to me. It’s paying the bills now. Some of the strangers are becoming friends, too.
By Patrice Baldwin on 03/04/2009 2:49 pm
Shannon Simmons

I say it depends on the situation and whether or not you got it to give…if you don’t got it, just be honest and say you don’t got it.  If you do and you think that friend is worth the trouble, then do.  If you do and you don’t and then you lose the friend, you have to ask yourself, how much of a friend was that person to begin with.

I think it’s good to be in a position to help people, but you have to be a little bit wary.

By Shannon Simmons on 03/04/2009 1:38 am
CoCo Coquette

Like Liz…I believe in generosity to waiters, cab drivers and anyone who depends on tips. To friends, I loan money but say it is a gift….don’t pay it back but give it to someone who asks you one day.

Generosity may not be returned by the person who received it…but it is returned. It is the only way to live. 

By CoCo Coquette on 03/04/2009 1:40 am
Gramma J
Yes, I have loaned money to a friend, and not expected it to come back.  It has been a long time since any of my friends have been in the position of needing a few bucks to carry them thru, though; we have all been working and doing our best to save for a long time.  Nowdays, we tend to give each other our time and the assistance of an extra pair of hands.
By Gramma J on 03/04/2009 5:23 am
Heather Cariou
Absolutely, and I’ve done it.  It’s just a way of paying good things forward.  By the way, friends have lent me $$ in desperate times, and I’ve always paid them back.
By Heather Cariou on 03/04/2009 6:46 am
C Hardy

I think just about anybody would lend to their friends, true friends.  I have girlfriends who have been in my life for over 15 years & would I bend over backwards for them, YES, would I expect anything in return, NO.  Would they do the same for me, YES.  Its nice knowing you have friends like that.

Now if my friends needed a substancial amount of money and I did have it, would I still give it as a gift, probably not.  But I would not be so quick to get it back. 

I did a friend (or who I thought was a friend) a favor and she rented my sisters house, well as of today, we dont talk b/c she owes my sister over $5K…Money can be evil and people do strange things when they do or dont have it.

Just like that department who won the Lottery a couple months back…

By C Hardy on 03/04/2009 7:29 am
shirley adams
i say yes, give it without questions. that a true friend! And for here in northern Nevada, tips are almost everyone lively-hood, because most only get min wage.
By shirley adams on 03/04/2009 7:38 am
Anna Bucy
Giving from the heart means helping someone without strings. If you have it, share it; if you need it, ask for it. Charity begins at home. I think it was Oprah who said years ago that she does not loan money. She gives it. If she gets it back, great; if not, great. I believe that you must give what you can spare to people in hard times. You will get it back, in spades, in some way in the future—if in no other way than through knowing you helped someone. However, i draw the line at helping someone feed his or her addiction.
By Anna Bucy on 03/04/2009 7:40 am
Jeannot Kensinger

Absolutely, have done it and would do it again.

By Jeannot Kensinger on 03/04/2009 7:53 am
Chrome Toe
If i know i’m not going to get it back… then I’d hand it to them and say "this is a gift". no point in pulling a fannie mae lol.
By Chrome Toe on 03/04/2009 7:55 am
Belinda Joy
To a friend? No. To a family member? Yes. I learned a long time ago the worse thing you can do when it comes to friends is loan money or sign for a purchase for them. I have loaned friends money in the past who swore up and down they would pay me back, and in each instance I had to chase them down to ask for my money. I don’t borrow money and I don’t loan money, and honestly, my life has been much happier and stress free living by that rule.
By Belinda Joy on 03/04/2009 8:21 am
SURA B

Sorry, foks, but to me money and friendship are separate. I never borrowed from a friend, and when one colleague asked me to lend him $3,000,  I thought it over, because he was a spendthrift, rather dishonest in handlng organizational funds, and when I told him my decision not to lend him the money, he admitted that he had used his daughter’s tuition money to cover   "borrowed" money from an organizaton he was running—-and used it to go on an overseas trip for vacation and spent it all. By the time I responded, he had coerced an aged, childless aunt to give hm the $3,000.

 I would do anythng for friends, such as bring groceries, cook dinners, take care of their children, give them a place to stay (my home), but will not lend money.

 Discretionary money has been scarce in my life, and I grew up in the Depression, with immigrant parents who lost their jobs, and the only loans were between friends who opened small businesses—but money was repaid immediately. 

When my son, a musician and a new  father, asked me for a loan, I willingly gave him, and as soon as he earned the amount he repaid me.

 Many friends I’ve had are "careless" with money, used credit to manage their desires not their needs, and the only cash gifts I give are to my grandchldren, and they know that they have to save much of it for their education.

 

 When  my son and daughter were married, I gave them money to arrange their own weddings, and offered other help if they needed it. I did not expect them to reimburse me—-it was a gift, and it meant that I used no power to coerce them to arrange a wedding according to my wishes. 

 Like Belinda, I borrow no money from friends and I do not lend money to friends, because in my view, money and friendship don’t mix. 

 

 

By SURA B on 03/04/2009 8:51 am
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