A Friend Stopped By | 07/31/2009 11:00 pm

The 'Always Ready' Guy: What to Do?

By Sybil Adelman Sage

Courtesy of Sybil Sage

Editor’s note: Sybil Adelman Sage, one of the first women to break into television writing, is currently working on a fictitious memoir titled Diary of an Overachiever: Mensa Model Finishes First in NYC Marathon After Solving Economic Problems and Proposing Health Plan Praised by Democrats and Republicans Alike.

How many times have I been jolted out of a deep sleep by a TV commercial with a booming male voice pushing Cialis so that he can "always be ready"? Being awakened by promos for sexual aids is the new being awakened to have sex.

Cialis also makes a shorter-acting dosage that will limit his readiness to three days, no doubt, being marketed to those with sexual ADD, medical residents, firefighters, astronauts and the terminally ill, but also useful for the commitment phobic. By checking the dosage, a woman can predetermine how long she should expect him to stick around … unless he’s a day trader and will share his readiness among three girls.

As a woman already multitasking and on overload, I hope our house will be a Cialis-free zone. And it’s not just my husband I don’t want taking it. I wouldn’t welcome an "always ready" guy at one of our dinner parties. The commercial cautions those taking the sex-enhancement pill not to drink excessively, which is a useful screening tool. If a man is not a recovering alcoholic or Muslim and yet is limiting his alcohol intake, it could be he’s on Cialis. As a hostess, I’d rather not have a dinner guest who’s "always ready" come into the kitchen while I’m scraping food off plates.

The promo makes the claim, "Only a physician can determine if it’s right for you." Aren’t they overlooking the guy’s partner, the one who has to respond to his new 24/7 readiness? What if she’s finishing a novel, training for the marathon or involved in a scrapbooking project?

There’s an added cautionary note advising the "always ready" guy to call his doctor if he has an erection that lasts more than four hours. We’re all familiar with the routine of trying to reach a doctor, which gets you to a series of taped options, telling you the appropriate button to push, none telling you what to press "if your erection is heading into hour five." Rather than call the doctor, I’d hurry over to Hooters.

34 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Like men aren’t already stuck in a "maturity challenged" state for most of their lives; now we give ‘em little blue pills so they can pretend they’re 16 forever….

By Gianna Bracco on 08/01/2009 3:17 pm

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oh there’s a few guys i wouldn’t mind wandering into the kitchen while i was scraping plates… :) Ryan Reynolds when he’s not being whiny, kid rock when he’s not being an asshole, and Will Smith… welll anytime.

By Chrome Toe on 08/01/2009 6:26 pm

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Speaking of those bathtubs — exactly how is this mad encounter supposed to take place? Mutual masturbation? He can do it all the time — and in the privacy of her deep bathtub, she can fake it ( or work on her next novel).

By Barbara Ley Toffler on 08/02/2009 10:52 am

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Since " a little bit ‘ll do me these days", I am more inticed by the ad for the Exxtenz thingy pill!! It makes him much bigger and like the ad says "there is all this science behind it"..uh, uh, excuse me, but what science was that?? Anyway, sounds good and thanks again, Sybil, for making my lips curl. Must run place my order……………………………..

By Agyness O on 08/02/2009 6:48 pm

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I suppose it never occurred to all of you women who have a problem with this that these pills are for YOUR convenience also? Oh, never mind, I forgot how many women have a problem with sex. Well, personally I’d rather do it than many of the other dull tasks that take up the day, so you better believe that I would hope my man would be a candidate for the pills. There’s nothing NEW about a man wanting sex - the difference is that you used to tolerate it, and maybe even like it. You are the ones changing. So I hope you don’t get upset if he finds somebody who’s willing.

And for those who want yours, the next frontier of sexual research is about working on women’s libido, so relief is on the horizon.

By Rebecca White on 08/02/2009 7:19 pm

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Rebecca has a point, and I admit to being the one to encourage/push two different "spice-partners" over recent years to get some Viagra or a reasonable facesimile so we can actually DO what we were TRYING to do. Men…such egos and denial: i.e.: insisting a semi-flacid state of affairs is in fact an ERECTION! No, it is way, way NOT. And intercourse with a semi-flaccid partner can range from frustrating/annoying to painful! There were quite the conversations and ego-polishing to be done before they made trips to the doctor, and then divine satisfaction was once again to be had.

I could not help but wonder why didn’t some other woman have the guts to deal with this before these gents came to be involved with me? ("no fair…"she whined) The biggest thing was how much it reminded me of when the unpleasant chore of taking my elderly dad’s car-keys away from him was dumped on me by my siblings and mom. Say it again? Male EGO: it’s a fragile thing. Handle with care!

And gals! Chinese herbs can do good for your slumbering libidos. See your local practioner of Chinese medicine ( licensed acupuncturists… LAc’s…but you don’t have to get needled, you can get herbal teas designed just for your body/condition. That’s the beauty of the system. Get foxy in your later years! Woo!)

By Rosemary Celeste on 08/03/2009 2:02 am

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I’ve been hearing about relief on the horizon for 5-10 years now. I don’t think they are getting anywhere. Both men and women change as they age. If they remained the same there would be no need for any blue pills.

By B Clark on 08/03/2009 10:07 am

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True story! A friend related this to me. Her parents are in their 80’s and live in a small condo in Florida. During her visit last winter she was awakened for several mornings by the sounds of her parents getting it on. Her mother is frail, uses a walker, and needs a double hip replacement. Dad discovered the joys of Viagra and was "up to it" EVERY morning. My friend, being an early riser, would go to the living room to avoid being a witness to Dad’s grunting. Very soon, she would awake and find her mom sleeping in a chair in the living room, apparently avoiding the morning workout. It was her only escape!!! OF course, her relationship with the husband was very submissive and not healthy. He has always been somewhat a tyrant, not unusual in a man of that generation - and probably still a reality. So those lovely, romantic, commercials are conflicting to me. I enjoy sex in my 60’s, but the idea of being basically crippled and having to endure the results of these medications on those selfish old goats is a nightmare!

By Kris Merrill on 08/03/2009 10:08 am

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This story, Kris, is a testament to how things were in the earlier generation (submissive women) and how hopefully we, in later generations, refuse to be in abusive, sexist partnerships. As for your friend, I hope she contacted her mom’s doctor right away as her mom was being elder-abused, it would seem. The dad’s behavior (including mom having to sleep in a chair to "escape marital rape") could put frail mom in the grave. Making love means CONSENSUAL. Nonconsensual means rape.

By Rosemary Celeste on 08/04/2009 2:01 am

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Well, my Auntie Rose has it right ,"Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach flunked biology".

And, after that remark (while she was watching a Viagra commercial) "why would anyone want to do it in a bathtub? Not only is it cold and uncomfortable, you could slip and break your neck, or your dingy thingy, and then that expensive pill you took would be wasted".

My husband is still laughing!

By Lady Gator on 08/03/2009 1:34 pm

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Oh wow that is awsome! I’ll be laughing about that for awhile. Considering the fact that I come from a fairly rauncy line of women ( I have some "would it hurt more to have this conversation or jump out of a car going 60" talks over the years with my mother and grandmother ) I could honestly see myself slipping the little blue pill to my husband when we’re older.

By Natasha Dutton on 08/03/2009 11:34 pm

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And I am still laughing, too! "…your dingy thingy.." Snort, guffaw, howl…

By Rosemary Celeste on 08/04/2009 2:02 am

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Gator, your Auntie sounds like fun lady.

By Elizabeth Newman on 08/06/2009 11:32 am

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Natasha & Rosemary — Well she’s here for a month. We love it when she comes. We went out of town for the weekend and were concerned about leaving her alone. So we told our next door neighbors to look in on her. The neighbor said, "don’t worry and we would love for her to come to the house for a barbeque Saturday nite". She accepted. We called home Saturday night (around 10PM) there was no answer. So we called next door - "She’s still here and will probably be here for a while. She’s in a poker game with the guys".

When we arrived home Sunday evening we found out from the neighbors, that she had been one of the last people there and that she had cleaned the guys out of $300.00. And our neighbor stated "she can tell some jokes you haven’t heard at a bachelor party".

When I arrived home tonight from the office I found her on a step stool in the kitchen cleaning out my cabinets. She had already cleaned out the refrigerator. I probably won’t be able to find anything in the refrig or my cabinets but what the hey she had a good time!

And she will be here long enough to go to 3 college football games with us. She sings all the songs and leads everyone in the stands with the cheers. And, heaven forbid the ref makes a bad call! My husband is usually on the floor as well as everyone else in the stands. :)

And, the woman is 88 years old — 89 in September! She is a trip!

By Lady Gator on 08/04/2009 7:17 pm

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After giving it some thought and I don’t think there ever will be a blue pill for women. Remember the Eddie Murphy remake of "The Nutty Professor"? There’s a scene where the grandma wants to get it on with the young mistaken entertainment / delivery boy. Yeah, it could be he’s horrified his grandma is coming on to him, but it’s more like he’s horrified at the thought of a horny old woman. The audience shares that thought. It’s kind of funny and cliche for an old man to still want it. The public is more comfortable with the idea an old lady shouldn’t want it and they’d like to keep it that way.

By B Clark on 08/05/2009 7:57 am