Boy, do I know that one, Chloe.  I was the editor of the student newspaper in college and had three internships in journalism then that were so bad that when I got out of school, I just panicked.  And panicked, and panicked.  I spent years out on "adventures", assuring myself that I didn’t have to ground myself and step into a real life that was really mine — babysitting for children of friends who were much less educated or skilled than myself, 6 months learning Spanish in a vacation club in Latin America where I volunteered to lead kids in the children’s club but couldn’t get hired; Peace Corps in Latin America, which turned out to be the most degrading experience (male co-workers) of all the degrading experiences I’ve ever had; even a job at a newspaper when I got back to NYC, where I earned numerous journalism awards and couldn’t get a promotion out of a clerical position, or even career advice from anyone who I made look good because I was much more competent than I imagined.  Eventually I chose another field (and just in time, too, given what I hear from friends who are still making a living in journalism), but the truth is it’s just as hard where I am now.  Judging by my skills, experience, and accomplishments, if I were anyone else, I’d say I am highly competent — but I would never call myself that. From where I am now (over 50, feeling like I’m still in my 20’s), I’d say the best thing I could have done after college, but before college would have been fine too, is to have gone to a really good career counselor whom I’d have used as what’s now known as a life coach, do some personal inventory about what I love to do and have been good at, do some artwork (collages) around it to gel my hopes, wishes, and plans, do what’s now known as mind-mapping, all to really recognize my strengths, and step gingerly out into the world, looking to find or create my place in whatever field I had chosen, knowing that with all I’d learned about myself in that self-mining process, I’d do fine.  Like I said, it’s still hard, but it’s never too late for me to do all that anyway.  You have many older sisters out here in the world who have been where you are.  You can tap into all of us even if you don’t know us, and draw on our experience and strength.  Or tap into the women you do know.  

 Good luck — 

julie 

Chloe

Great article.  I have great respect for your work in Ethiopia.  How are the conditions there?

As to the point of employment - you can always employ yourself.  I am one of the self-employed small business owners in this crazy country.  I didn’t plan it, it kind of planned me - so to speak - when I didn’t want to work for others anymore, I took the plunge.  It isn’t easy, but doable and exciting.  Yes you can write, besides writing here you could start your own website and write.  

This woman is older than you, but she has made an entire website about her daily life on a ranch and cooking.  She has a tremendous following and therefore sponsors.  

The Pioneer Woman - Ree Drummond 

My niece started a business and after advertising on the internet,  it has really taken off.  She had a very particular interest which she pursued.  She has not been able to quit her day job as an Environmental Scientist, but that is what she is working towards.

 Paint By Threads, Original Arts & Crafts Textile Designs by Natalie Richards

Everything that you have learned and practiced is an investment into something, you just have to define it.  It takes time, but the answers are there.

Good luck, you seem like a wonderful and brave individual. 

What are your priorities? Staying in NYC? Gaining more exposure to different people and lifestyles for source material? Do you want writing to be primary or secondary?

In my rather biased opinion NYC isn’t the best place to develop creative skills. It’s far too corporate, impersonal, and cut-throat.

Is more school in the form of a major workshop out of the question? 

http://www.uiowa.edu/~iww/ 

Or total immersion into a creative environment?

http://www.purplerosetheatre.org/app.shtml

It’s been a while since I’ve heard the thoughts of the young. I guess that time of life is the same for us all … Anyway, with all the immediately practical advice you’ll get, I’d like to add one overall strategy — that is, IF you already know what you want to do (write, for example): 

Always point your nose in that direction. Don’t turn your head unless life absolutely forces you to, and even then force yourself to keep your eye on the road. Make choices (no matter how small or insignificant) that fit into that point of view and no other. Sooner (I hope that for you) or later you will get to where you’re going. And all the time remember, luck/opportunity comes only to those who are prepared to recognize it …

Dear Chloe,

I’m excited for you! Yes, I truly am. Think of this period of unemployment as a strange and wonderful gift. You seem to have a cushion that provides you with a home, food, and a certain amount of comfort. And you are in New York City, the greatest city ever. So use this year to explore YOU in the city. Here are a few things I would do:

Walk. Walk miles every single day, and really look at the architecture of the city, from the Flatiron Building to the Hotel Ansonia to the enfillade of Central Park West to the great Beaux Arts piles of Park Avenue. Explore the Orchard Street area. Stroll at dawn through the flower district as the blooms are unpacked, still dripping with dew, to be placed in huge metal cans of water - and breathe deeply. Window shop! Gawk at the Russian jewels and Faberge objets at A La Vielle Russie and Fred Leighton; explore the mini-boutiques along Christopher Street. Have yourself an international taste-testing every day by visiting some of the best street food vendors in the world.

Visit every museum in the city, and lose yourself in beauty and wonder. Stop in front of Rembrandt’s "The Polish Rider" at the Frick. Wander through the Met’s Costume Institute and envision yourself wrapped in those marvelous gowns. Stroll down the ramps at the Guggenheim, and feel the freedom of Frank Lloyd Wright’s joyful design.

People watch. Mark out a Central Park bench as your own, tote your lunch, a good book, and your notebooks, and spend a few hours basking in the reflected glory of the New York cavalcade of humanity.

Mark out a day or two each week to park yourself at a reading carrel in one of the great libraries of New York, and delve deeply into any topic that interests you. Make friends with the refereence librarians, who will guide you into all sorts of realms and wonderlands.

Take notes of everything. Keep a journal by you at every minute, and grab it often. This will be your reward for your year "off": A journal filled with experience, insight, thought, observation, learning. In short, the raw materials for ANYthing you plan to do in the future.

Try a part-time job of ANY kind - in fact, get a part-time job that is MILES away from what you ultimately want to do. Learn how to be a barrista; work in a bookstore - anything. Or get some volunteer work going. Spend a day every week giving to others.

Chloe, I wish you a wonderful year, and leave you with this thought: Nothing goes to waste. Not if you create a way to use it well. So use your next few months to learn and grow and explore in many ways. And who knows? There just might be a great novel lurking ahead in your wanderings.

"This would be the first in my own 12-step program aimed to teach me that, in fact, people didn’t care about my life as much as I feared they did."

Never lose sight of that revelation.  Many people never realize how very true that is.  They go through life working and behaving in ways to seek the approval and admiration of others. We all know them; they are continually reinventing themselves. In actuality, most people just don’t give a fig unless they share your DNA. 

While I personally don’t believe in long term goals, we all need a reason to get out of bed each day.  That reason is not always clearly defined, so don’t be afraid to tackle new ventures in the interim. Try some light volunteer work.  All marathons need helpers, and it’s fun.  Read to kiddos in a children’s hospital.  Animal shelters love dog walkers.  Help sign up teams for a  community regatta.   Make greeting cards for those confined to a nursing home.  You will have some adventures, I assure you! You will also meet some interesting people. Last, there will always be people who say, " Failure is not an option".  Nonsense!!  Failure just means you are on the wrong path and need a new direction. 

Have a wonderful life, Chloe.  Create beautiful memories as you move through it.

Take time to be yourself. Life will happen by just getting out and doing the things you enjoy. If you want to work send your resume to all the places that you think you might want to try. Doors open in the most unexpected places. 

This is an ideal time to write about your experiences in Ethiopia because there are many people interested in what happens in other parts of the world. Your perspective will be a fresh opinion. Set a specific time for your writing then schedule other activities around that. If you feel stuck try starting with a fictional version of what you want to say. Sometimes your characters can say things you may not feel comfortable voicing.