A Friend Stopped By | 09/22/2009 4:00 am

Will Hollywood Be Nice to 'Cougar Town'? by Jane Ganahl

By Jane Ganahl

Courteney Cox as "Jules"

ABC/ Michael Desmond

Editor’s note: Jane Ganahl is the author of the memoir Naked on the Page: The Misadventures of My Unmarried Midlife and editor of the anthology Single Woman of a Certain Age. For five years she penned the acclaimed Sunday column, Single Minded, for the San Francisco Chronicle, which earned her a place in MSN’s Singles Hall of Fame.

A minor miracle happened recently at the movies this summer with the release of "The Proposal," starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. It was not that the only-moderately well-reviewed film was a huge box-office winner. Nor was it Reynolds’ physique, which qualifies as a minor miracle all by itself. But for the first time in a movie where the woman was significantly older than the man, their age difference was not A Huge Deal. In fact, the 12-year gap between Bullock, 44, and Reynolds, 32, was not even mentioned – save for one line by Betty White, Reynolds’ granny in the film, who meets Bullock and mutters that where she had been looking forward to meeting her grandson’s "girl," that word hardly applies to Bullock.

(Though it must be interjected that Bullock looks fabulous – and fabulously unaltered. Her face is showing signs of age, with some laugh lines and crow’s-feet. And by God, she can still make faces with the alacrity – and elasticity – of Lucille Ball!)

Perhaps audiences were too swept up in the lovers’ crackling chemistry to care about the age difference. Or perhaps such unions are becoming commonplace enough that writers didn’t feel the need to flog the fact. In any case, "The Proposal" was a marked departure from Hollywood’s standard treatment of sexy older women, who are more often portrayed as vamps, women on the verge of a nervous breakdown … or buffoons. (See: "Cougartown," premiering on ABC September 23, with Courteney Cox as a hapless, sex-obsessed divorcee who seems to be a mash-up of Mrs. Robinson and Bridget Jones.)

I’m sure it’s not giving away too much (it IS a romantic comedy after all) to note that "The Proposal" has a happy ending – which is different than the one usually offered in this kind of romantic liaison. Mostly, such unions have ended badly – because the women in question are such damaged goods. Consider the Older Single Women’s Hall of fame. [Spoiler alerts on some of these in case they’re on your Netflix list.]

Mrs. Robinson in "The Graduate" – a sad, vengeful alcoholic.
Mrs. Dean Wormer in "Animal House" – ditto.
Gloria Swanson in "Sunset Blvd." – a mad murderess.
Maude of "Harold and Maude" – an adorable suicide victim.
Jennifer O’Neill in "Summer of ‘42" – a distraught widow.
Cloris Leachman in "The Last Picture Show" – a neglected coach’s wife.

Needless to say, none of these cougars-before-it-was-fashionable went off into the sunset with her young buck between her jaws.

The lack of empathy from Hollywood is mystifying. For a long time now, Hollywood couples have been pioneering the cause of May-December unions. Beginning with the famed writing-and-acting team of Ruth Gordon and Garson Kanin (she was 46 and he was 30 when they married), the May-December matchup is now downright fashionable among LA elite. Susan Sarandon is 12 years older than Tim Robbins, Demi Moore is 15 years older than Ashton Kutcher and Madonna is 28 years older than 22-year-old Jesus Luz. The list goes on and on.

37 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Let’s lose the SPAM and the spammer please.

By BClark on 09/22/2009 12:14 pm

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What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. If men can hook up with women 20, 40 years their junior, why shouldn’t women do the same thing? To many (not all) marriage becomes less important once child bearing is past, and quite a few couples with kids don’t bother marrying anymore anyway. Guess Hollywood like to push the concept of a horny older woman ultimatly paying some kind of price for daring to be horny with younger guy(s) while tacitly giving a nod for the horny old guys to look for younger and younger women.

By BClark on 09/22/2009 7:42 am

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I’m starting to see an increase in acceptance for the whole "cougar" fad. Well, I’m not sure if it is indeed just a fad or something that’s here to stay but I suppose is here to stay.

I never really realized to how Hollywod isn’t very kind to cougars in movies until I read this article and I totally agree. I think is time they have more movies that are more benevolent to the older women that seek the company of younger men.

I’m 28 and I don’t even like dating men that are more than 2 years younger than me…3 tops. But I don’t like to date men that are more than 5 years older than me either. Yet, I’ve always been bothered by the double standards in our society. My coworker is in his early 30s and has said to me in the past that he has no problem dating older women. At one point he was dating a 40 year old with two teenagers. When his mother heard of this she competely disapproved of the relationship even thought it wasn’t nearly as serious as she thought. His mother is about 10 years younger than his father. I would think that if anyone should be understanding of chronological gaps in a couple was her given the age difference between her husband and her.

I doubt I would ever embrace being a cougar as I get older. I probably will prefer to date men that are closer to my age. I still would like to see the double standard go away and a better portrayal of the so called cougars in movies.

By NC1 on 09/22/2009 9:48 am

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I am not remotely interested in the ‘Cougar Town’ not just because of the offensive adjective tossed at a beautiful woman who is considered predatory for dating a younger man, but also because the title seems to encourage these sort of relationships for all the wrong reasons.I once asked three couples sitting at a bar to write their own definitions of ‘Cougar’. The results were funny, sad, and overall judgmental against a woman who dared date a younger man. Of course, the ‘base age’ of women able to become a ‘cougar’ grew with each definition – but all agreed that it had to be a woman past 35. Does this mean that women in their mid-thirties are past their prime? I’m an accidental ‘cougar’ - and sadly, I’m not certain that it’s flattering that I’m being compared to a predatory animal. (Albeit, a sleek, sexy, cat-creature which doesn’t remotely resemble the reality of my own persona…) I met my husband innocently and maintained a friendship for a long while on a completely platonic level before realizing we were meant to spend our lives together despite a 12-year gap between our ages. The relationship that evolved from our friendship is something more complete than mere ‘love’ – we are complete only when we are together. I’m exhilarated being a part of something unusual, exceptional and rare. It is a sad conditioning of a culture to give a derogatory label to that which is different.

By NewYorker on 09/22/2009 10:47 am

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So now list-making qualifies as writing?

By Christine625 on 09/22/2009 10:52 am

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This is what it has come to? Many beautiful, talented actresses in their 40’s and above are content to play the light weight part of "cougar" now? How sad that Tinsel Town cannot cough up more challenging and believable scripts. Thank goodness for Jodie Foster and Meryl Streep.

The truth is getting older is not about " "easy listening and orthopedic shoes and no longer being passionate" As long as that attitude prevails, botox will continue to make many doctors quite wealthy.

No, I will not be watching Cougar Town.

By MaggieW on 09/22/2009 11:08 am

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Well said, Maggie! I am also not watching. This program sounds like it will lack the ability to either inform or entertain. More time to spend reading….

By GreenTears on 09/22/2009 1:36 pm

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We discuss this topic from time to time on the threads, and as I always say, I just don’t see the attraction women of a certain age have for younger men. It baffles me. The physical I get, perfectly understandable. But the mental, the emotional connection can’t possibly be there. Unless of course the woman is the type that is immature herself, she would bond quite well with someone much younger.

By BelindaJoy on 09/22/2009 11:55 am

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I have read many of the responses about this "cougar movement". I am 40 years old and currently am going thru a divorce… My husband was 10 years my senior. I am athletic, energetic, and am told very attractive. I have always been able to appreciate a nice looking man of most any age.. I never thought I would act on it. I thought that there would be no way that I would be able to manage a "mature" relationship with a younger man. NOT TRUE. I constantly have younger men ask me out. and if there is an attraction and similar interests (not nearly as uncommon as you may think) I will gladly accept and have a wonderful time. There is nothing immature about my decisions or my life. And I think also that your assumptions about the capabilities of other peoples feelings and maturity levels are totally off base and is the common misperception of someone that has not been in the situation.. and therefore does not understand it and can not relate to it on any level. Try it before you bash it and you may be pleasantly surprised…. I have been.

By LauraBailey on 10/01/2009 3:23 pm

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I’ve never rode a Harley Davidson, and although they are nice to look at I know I would not want to ride one. The same goes for younger men. This appears not be the case for you, good for you. As I said, the age difference would make me feel that much older…. but Vive La’Difference!

And just for the record, I wasn’t "bashing" anyone, I was merely voicing my opinion based on my observations.

By BelindaJoy on 10/01/2009 3:49 pm

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Please define emotional maturity.

Do both men and women meet the criteria of ‘emotional mature’ at the same age? Are men who are the same as your current age (or older) emotionally mature in general? Do you believe those who are younger than you to be immature? What are your criteria for a mature relationship, all physicality aside? How is it not possible to have a mature relationship with someone who is 10 or years your younger?

By NewYorker on 09/22/2009 1:07 pm

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I am 6 years older than my husband, I never wanted to date a younger guy. I had been through puberty once and didn’t want to do it again. He hounded me until we became really good friends. After I got past the age thing, I began to notice he was more mature and responsible than most men my own age and older. I had so much fun with him, he was kind and loving, we could talk for hours or not talk at all and be just as comfortable. We have been together 12 years now and I have to say, the one good thing about younger men is….they are trainable and not stuck in their ways, open to change and don’t resent it, some actually appreciate the advice…mine didn’t come out of the box perfect, but he is now. :o)

By HeidiW on 09/22/2009 1:35 pm

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6 or 7 years is hardly a big age difference IMO, no matter which partner is older. I remember someone writing to Dear Margo (or one of those columns) some years back because her 33-year-old niece was marrying a 27-year-old man, and the aunt was basically afraid people would snicker and point as her niece walked up the aisle. Which was ridiculous IMO- it’s not as though when he’s 40 and she’s 47 she’ll be using a cane and dentures while he’s out rollerblading, and she was still well within her childbearing years if they wanted kids. Margo basically told the aunt to "MYOB".

By LucyHenry on 09/22/2009 10:33 pm

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Hi Lucy,

That was probably my Aunt who wrote to Margo, lol I was worried about it (age difference) at first, but I got over it. It’s not like people look at us and say. "My God, what is that nice young man doing with that old lady." No one knows unless we tell them. A 25 year age difference might be a stretch only because they grew up in different generations and ideals change from generation to generation but as far as I am concerned people should worry about themselves and their own relationships. As Margo said "MYOB" lol

By HeidiW on 09/23/2009 9:31 am

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For a more empathetic treatment of the older woman/younger men, there is always ‘Tea and Sympathy’ with the fabulous Deborah Kerr Of course, there was also the gay theme, too, and all in all, it was a terrific movie, as I remember it.

I have to agree with Belinda Joy. I raised my son, my house was full of his friends and though, they are all in the 30-40’s now, I still fail to see the attraction. I can still remember when they thought clean gym socks once a week was sufficient. Of course, if the man were someone who I met after he was grown, the outcome might be different. As it is, however, any man , of any age, I feel, would just slow me down.

As for Hollywood, why on earth, would we expect Hollywood’s treatment to be any more empathetic than it’s treatment of ‘big’ women? In the faux universe that Hollywood is, where a size 12 model is referred to as ‘plus size’, why would we NOT expect that 40 would be considered aged? And, besides, who gives a rip what Hollywood thinks anyway? I just finished a romantic novel in which the heroine is 40 plus and one publisher even wrote me back and told me there just wasn’t a market for such. Whatever………

By SallyK on 09/22/2009 1:48 pm