A Friend Stopped By | 09/22/2009 3:00 am

Will Hollywood Be Nice to 'Cougar Town'? by Jane Ganahl

By Jane Ganahl

Courteney Cox as "Jules"

ABC/ Michael Desmond

Editor’s note: Jane Ganahl is the author of the memoir Naked on the Page: The Misadventures of My Unmarried Midlife and editor of the anthology Single Woman of a Certain Age. For five years she penned the acclaimed Sunday column, Single Minded, for the San Francisco Chronicle, which earned her a place in MSN’s Singles Hall of Fame.

A minor miracle happened recently at the movies this summer with the release of "The Proposal," starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. It was not that the only-moderately well-reviewed film was a huge box-office winner. Nor was it Reynolds’ physique, which qualifies as a minor miracle all by itself. But for the first time in a movie where the woman was significantly older than the man, their age difference was not A Huge Deal. In fact, the 12-year gap between Bullock, 44, and Reynolds, 32, was not even mentioned – save for one line by Betty White, Reynolds’ granny in the film, who meets Bullock and mutters that where she had been looking forward to meeting her grandson’s "girl," that word hardly applies to Bullock.

(Though it must be interjected that Bullock looks fabulous – and fabulously unaltered. Her face is showing signs of age, with some laugh lines and crow’s-feet. And by God, she can still make faces with the alacrity – and elasticity – of Lucille Ball!)

Perhaps audiences were too swept up in the lovers’ crackling chemistry to care about the age difference. Or perhaps such unions are becoming commonplace enough that writers didn’t feel the need to flog the fact. In any case, "The Proposal" was a marked departure from Hollywood’s standard treatment of sexy older women, who are more often portrayed as vamps, women on the verge of a nervous breakdown … or buffoons. (See: "Cougartown," premiering on ABC September 23, with Courteney Cox as a hapless, sex-obsessed divorcee who seems to be a mash-up of Mrs. Robinson and Bridget Jones.)

I’m sure it’s not giving away too much (it IS a romantic comedy after all) to note that "The Proposal" has a happy ending – which is different than the one usually offered in this kind of romantic liaison. Mostly, such unions have ended badly – because the women in question are such damaged goods. Consider the Older Single Women’s Hall of fame. [Spoiler alerts on some of these in case they’re on your Netflix list.]

Mrs. Robinson in "The Graduate" – a sad, vengeful alcoholic.
Mrs. Dean Wormer in "Animal House" – ditto.
Gloria Swanson in "Sunset Blvd." – a mad murderess.
Maude of "Harold and Maude" – an adorable suicide victim.
Jennifer O’Neill in "Summer of ‘42" – a distraught widow.
Cloris Leachman in "The Last Picture Show" – a neglected coach’s wife.

Needless to say, none of these cougars-before-it-was-fashionable went off into the sunset with her young buck between her jaws.

The lack of empathy from Hollywood is mystifying. For a long time now, Hollywood couples have been pioneering the cause of May-December unions. Beginning with the famed writing-and-acting team of Ruth Gordon and Garson Kanin (she was 46 and he was 30 when they married), the May-December matchup is now downright fashionable among LA elite. Susan Sarandon is 12 years older than Tim Robbins, Demi Moore is 15 years older than Ashton Kutcher and Madonna is 28 years older than 22-year-old Jesus Luz. The list goes on and on.

37 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Let women date and marry whoever they choose. I’m recently divorced after almost 30 years of marriage. I have not jumped into the dating game yet, although most of women that are my friends on my myspace page would date me. I think.

By Frank Somsel on 09/22/2009 2:08 pm

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I wont be watching just b/c I am not a fan of Courtney Cox Arquette - but I guess you can call me a Cougar, my husband is 7 years younger and when people find out they dont see it - so its good for me b/c I look younger and bad for him b/c he looks older :)

I work with a lady who is now divorcing her hubby of 11 years and there is an 11 year difference between them - he wanted another Mother and she was tired of being that for him and not his wife.

It all depends on the people - some guys are very mature and others aren’t and they are that way their whole lives. If an older woman finds a younger man and they are compatable who are we to tell them they can’t date…

By C Hardy on 09/22/2009 3:05 pm

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It’s kind of bogus that an older man can date a younger woman, but there’s a weird perception about an older woman with a younger man.

And as for Sandra Bullock and her wonderfully elastic face - well, DUH, she hasn’t had four pounds of silicone and 5 ounces of Botox injected. That could interfere with your expressiveness! It’s a sad commentary on the ubiquity of plastic surgery, that someone is noticed for NOT having it.

By Lila Kuh on 09/22/2009 9:41 pm

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Hi Jane! Bravo on your blog entry. You Rock! My name is

Cyndi Targosz and I am the author of the new book

DATING THE YOUNGER MAN (Adams Media). I agree with you that this Hollywood predatory image is just as bad as thinking that only men can date younger. I believe in AGELESS LOVE. In fact, inspite of my books title - the message is that falling in love should not be about a number. Being older does NOT make u desperate. If a man is called a Boy Toy then I am a Boy Toy Babe! (BTB) That is a "playful" term I trademarked that is sexier and more fun than the desperate predatory term "cougar". Understand that in my definition a 70 year old man can be a Boy Toy too. I am playfully trying to equalize terms. Regardless, I’m tired of older women being stereotyped as predators. Thanks for your thought provoking words!!! Let’s diss the predatory concept and claim our right to be a HOT BOY TOY BABE! (BTB)

BTW- In my research for my book i did a cyber survey and interviews. With nearly 1000 respondents (male and female) the majority DID NOT LIKE THE TERM "COUGAR"! Again I say- I’m an ageless Boy Toy Babe! (BTB)

By Cyndi Targosz on 09/23/2009 4:51 am

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I’ll tell you one thing about an older woman, they are more fun and less hung up on things that some 20 something is. They also have a better sense of humor and want to have some laughs. They are interesting, sexy and accomplished.

What’s not to like?

By Ben Dover on 09/24/2009 7:36 pm

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Ben, I have to admit that I have had some very fun and meaningful moments with younger men! After all, we share the same todays and only those that are living for the past have worries about what to talk about or do. Besides, talking can be over rated at certain times. *wink*

By Lauren Sinclair on 09/24/2009 7:55 pm

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I just have a question. Where on earth did the term cougar come from? I guess im out of it!

By michele T on 09/23/2009 1:40 pm

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I’m looking forward to tonights tv viewing I don’t know if I will watch every single week. It will be fun for tonight it’s after the kiddies go to bed and I really want to see the comedy either before or after it. Oh dang, about the different families and what family now means. It looks so dang funny!

By Kim Horton on 09/23/2009 3:18 pm

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I asked the women in my Real Cougar Woman community to take part in The Cougar Town Debate. After the show they answered 5 questions about the show. I will be publishing the results very soon. Does the media accurately portray women over 40? And, if not, isn’t it about time they did?

By Linda Franklin on 09/24/2009 7:29 am

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I love this piece!

New ending for "Something’s Got To Give":

Diane Keaton picks Keanu Reeves. Nicholson jumps off that bridge into the Seine.

Some women just don’t like the name, "Cougar", including Michelle Pfeiffer who called it a derogatory term when she was out promoting her film this summer.

I wrote a post on "The Cougar Wars" on SexyPrime, a blog by Susan Crain Bakos.

I got almost as many hate e-mails as I did when I wrote about race and sex.

By Susan Crain Bakos on 09/24/2009 12:00 pm

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"Cougar Town" is a tough call for me. While it’s true that predatory older women are a stereotype, it’s also true that Hollywood isn’t very comfortable portraying normal women with an active interest in sex — and comedy is one of the few places where that taboo gets broken. So it’s fine with me to show older women getting raunchy. Futhermore, it really bothers me that "The Modern Family" (in which an older man is with a younger woman) is "edgy" and gets great reviews, while "Cougar Town" is "vulgar" and gets slammed. Sounds like society isn’t quite over its hangups.

And f everyone’s i, I guess "cougar" is a Canadian invention:

http://thestar.com.my/english/story.asp?file=/2007/10/17/lifefocus/19059904&sec=lifefocus

By risatrix @risatrix.com on 09/24/2009 1:49 pm

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Well said Belinda and Green Tears. I will continue reading, in fact I recommend Kindle for persons that like to read. I find it horrible to label a woman a Cougar…young men look good, and I look and laugh and oh wish I were young again for an hour…but to deal with one for even just the physical relationship is not even a thought. Immaturity is something I would not want to deal with, I have raised my sons and have no intentions of raising any others.

By T. BYNUM on 09/24/2009 3:37 pm

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You know, I’m a feminist and always have been. When you’re raised by single mother without child support, you’re pretty much a feminist whether you’re a female child or an male child.

But what made me see Cougar Town was a preview of Courtney Cox Arquette looking at herself in the mirror and discovering the subtle (and not so subtle) changes her body has undergone. The sudden "extra" skin at her elbows that stays pinched. The flabbiness that replaced the triceps. The flabby tummy, and more. Having read about her own attempts to stave off the hands of time with botox (she says she won’t do that again), I thought it was rather brave of her to show these aspects of normal aging. I haven’t seen another tv show that does that.

In any case, I found myself enjoying the show. Does the term Cougar offend me? Like another poster, I don’t know why older women are referred to as cougars in the first place. If indeed it’s because of a stereotype that older women are predatory, so what? Feminism gave us the right to pursue what or who we want without having to justify ourselves or ask permission.

I happen to like big cats like cougars, lions, tigers, etc…so I’m not offended by the term. It beats being to referred to as a meek little mouse. I guess it’s all a matter of perspective. If you wish to take exception and allow yourself to be defined by someone else’s definition of the term, be offended. But, if you wish to take possession of what’s meant as a derogatory term and make it positive so that you embrace the inner lioness or cougar, then go for it. I refuse to allow someone I don’t know, or who’s opinion matters little to me, define me. My character speaks for itself.

Life’s too short, ladies…laugh as much as you can and be free to love whomever your heart chooses, no matter the age, critics be damned.

By Jackie Childress on 09/24/2009 9:17 pm

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Though I hadn’t planned on watching Cougar Town it ended up being recorded with the other shows I wanted to record. I did enjoy it, but whether I’ll watch again, I don’t know. enjoyed Modern Family too. Lots of competition this season, so will have to see if either of these makes it to another season.

By Robin Bradbury on 09/26/2009 1:57 pm

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Personally, I like the idea of being with a younger man. I am actually called a "saber tooth" now since I passed into a certain age bracket. But I still want to be with younger men. No matter how old I get. It is just a good match for me. I know myself enough to want that.

Hat Smith

By Harriet Smith on 09/27/2009 5:42 pm