Dear Margo | 08/13/2009 11:00 pm
Dear Margo: Out of the Mouths of Babes: Their Parents' Opinions
A 12-year-old student is fed up with classmates who express extreme opinions about gays, politics and religion … Margo Howard’s bright advice
Out of the Mouths of Babes: Their Parents’ Opinions
Dear Margo: I’m 12 and getting ready to go back to school. I do not want to hear everyone ranting about their freakin’ opinions! I don’t want to be mean, but my best friend, let’s say "Cassie," is a Hard Core Republican and Hard Core Christian. I’m Christian, too, but I’m willing to accept different ideas into my life (although I am Independent/Green Party). Like seriously every time I bring up how we’ll be moving to a bigger school, Cassie rants about how "they’re forcing us to take Evolution." She’s also against EVERYTHING to do with gays. I told her to see "Milk" and how they fought for their rights just like everyone else, and she watched the trailer! I asked her what she thought, and she said, "Wow, I’ve never seen so many **** in one place." OMG, Margo, I literally didn’t talk to her for two months. What I’m basically asking is how can I get Cassie to turn it down a notch. Her attitude toward everything she doesn’t like is seriously injuring our friendship. Cassie isn’t the only one. Last year people in my class were constantly arguing at the lunch table and recess about how their thoughts are the only right ones. — Hippie Down The Street.
Dear Hip: It’s hard to convince opinionated people that what they think may not be the way things are. At your age, I’m pretty sure a lot of what these kids say comes from their parents. If you find that Cassie is driving you crazy with what you view as nutty opinions, I suspect it will, indeed, affect the friendship. The bad news is that people a lot older than 12 will have attitudes and beliefs you will find unacceptable. The good news is that when you’re out of middle school, your exposure to more people will broaden, and you will be able to find friends who essentially see life as you do. — Margo, optimistically
Focus Interruptus
Dear Margo: I like to read. I read for enjoyment. I bring books with me on planes, bus trips and for slow times at work. It really irritates me when I’m engrossed in a book and someone starts babbling to me about the weather or equally unimportant blah-blah. To be fair, some people will ask about the book I’m reading, but that is rare. I have plenty of face time with real people and enjoy that, too. I’ve met many interesting people in my travels. Can you give me a polite response to people who jump in on my reading time? I don’t want to cut off what may be a fortunate encounter for me and someone else, but some people make a target of someone who has a book in front of her face. — Bookworm
Dear Book: I like to read, too, and wonder why strangers feel it’s all right to start a conversation with someone who is clearly otherwise engaged. Here’s my response when that happens: "I’d really love to chat, but I must finish this because I have to write a book review by (fill in a suitable day, not too far in the future). Should this response prompt the further question, "Are you a writer?" simply say "no" and return to the book. The person will be quite confused at this point, but I predict you will be left in peace. As for a fortunate encounter, you’ll have to size up the prospect pretty fast because you can’t very well get into a conversation, decide the person is dull, and then announce you must return to your book. — Margo, unavailably
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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered. To read more about Margo Howard, click here.
COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD
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98 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment
I travelled between Florida and Boston for a year every 30 days back and forth. I love to chat as well, if depends on how early the flight leaves. I’m not a morning person, I believe you can be polite and get your point across at the same time.
What a bright 12 year old! I loved her story, I was thinking back to when I was 12 I was clueless! I have over baring friends and some family. Boundaries! If you learn those at 12 you’re set for life!
We can agree to disagree works!
I give short answers and go right back to reading. My last flight I had a baby scream from Orlando to Boston! I was out of my mind by the time we landed, the mother thought she was cute! I’ll give my book away not to ever have to go through that again. Its not the child its the mom they think they’re cute.
Maybe they can have flights for readers without children!
To Letter #1, It never gets any easier… I’m 34 and I have let quite a few friendships falter because of these issues. I’m not on bad terms with them, but knowing that they can’t think for themselves and they harbor such hateful views ruins them in my eyes. I always listen to someone’s point of view and if it has merits I will give them their due, but most people on the other side of the argument seem to spend all of their time trying to talk over you and none of their time listening.
Personally, I would tell Cassie that if she can’t expand her narrow views that I couldn’t be friends with her anymore, but that’s just me… I have a big mouth and if my friend refuses to listen to reason, then I really don’t want to be friends with that person.
Letter #2, that drives me nuts as well. They can CLEARLY see that you’re doing something… why must they interrupt?
An effective (albeit rude) response to this sort of thing actually came from Art Garfunke. I was working as a performer on a very high end cruise ship a few years ago and he was cruising as a passenger. A very annoying girl that was a wannabe performer was working as the social hostess but she was constantly begging for chances to sing. She went up to him as he was reading in one of the lounges in the morning and asked him to accompany her in a cabaret. He said "I really hope you have something more interesting than my book considering you’re interrupting me readig it." (YEEEOWCH!)
I’ve had to resort to the same response as you when it comes to religion and politics, except I don’t even say "with people I like." I just don’t discuss them at all. It seems like a number of people still ACT like they’re 12 when treading into those conversational waters and that’s about the only civil response I can give.
With people who persist I just grunt, give a quick turn of the heel and walk away. Do such folks really believe that their tack manages to convert people to their side overnight?